Toe-To-Toe Tuesday: Breaking Points - When Are You Done?

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So it's been said that everyone has their breaking point in all different kinds of situations.  You have a breaking point with a friend who's constantly complaining about her weight. You finally just tell her to put the cookies and ice cream down and get her fluffy ass to the gym.  You have you're breaking point with a family member who's constantly asking you to bail them out.  You get frustrated one day and tell them that you're not there parent and to figure it out for themselves.  Whatever and whomever it is, everyone has their breaking point.  But when you're dating and are getting to know someone, what's the breaking point where you just realize, "Yea, this ain't happening"?

Well as you all know I have my "limits" and "breaking points" mainly because I'm picky.  But also because I feel like I'm a good catch and if I'm coming into something offering this much (imagine me holding my hands really far apart as if I'm measuring something big like a stove) and you're coming into the same thing offering this much (imagine me holding hands A LOT closer together so that a DVD box could barely between my hands) then we have a problem.  Call me crazy, call me conceited, call me spoiled or call me the girl who's never gonna find love, but some things just don't have wiggle room for a bargain.  So here are some...

Points That Make Me Break:

1. He has kids.  We've already gone over this.  Me + Kids = BOMB! I do not want to deal with Baby Mama drama or kids that think I'm invading there space.  Nope, nope and NOPE.  You can read how I feel on that subject here, in case you forgot or didn't catch it "This guy has kids on it; take it back."
2. He's 30 and either has no job or is a aspiring fry cook at McDonalds.  Don't get me wrong, working at Mickey D's is fine. If you were laid off and that's all you can do now, OK.  However after a certain age if you're not a Manager of like 5 stores or something, there is an issue. I mean where's your motivation? I know people have to do what they have to do, but come on.  And unless you've been laid off and are currently looking (like I am) or are the heir to the Crisco Oil fortune, then you shouldn't be out of work at that age.  I don't want to hear that you're finding yourself or that no one understood you at your last job.  Life's tough. Suck it up and be a man.
3. He lives at home with his mommy.  I'm sorry, I just can't deal with that.  Now yes, double standard, 'cause I live at home with mine.  But there is a difference. I'm a girl!  Its much more dangerous for a woman to live on her own than it is a man.  I don't know many women that live on their own; and those that do have roommates.  But a man that lives at home with his mother just bothers me.  What happens if we want to be alone?  Gotta wait for momma to run out to the store so we can get a quicky in?  Nah, I'm good, moving on.  I mean I get everyone has special circumstances, but I've only heard one or two instances where it was acceptable.  Being a lazy ass 'cause mommy cooks, cleans and does your laundry are not any of them.
4. He's still talking about the latest Jordan's he's going to buy as if he's in HS.  I love sneakers just as much as the next person.  I wear them EVERYDAY.  But I don't make them my life.  There is nothing more annoying than a man who goes on and on about something, especially something so silly as sneakers. I knew a guy that had sneakers in all colors and all types.  These were air force one's and these were dunks and this and that. And all I kept thinking was, what happens when you're broke? You gonna live in them sneakers?  I swear if there was a fire, he would've saved those sneakers before his momma.
5. He wants to go "dutch" on the first date.  And not only that, but you look at me like I'm stupid for even thinking you would pay.  Yea, no.  You asked me out, you pay.  I don't care if I picked the place, or that I have a job (which I currently don't) or that I pretended to reach in for my wallet.  Chivalry is not dead, your brain is; so revive that bitch.  Hey I always offer (and usually do) to leave the tip... sidenote: when it comes to dinner DO NOT answer your phone.  Unless it's your parent or grandparent, you should not be chatting it up at the dinner table.
6. He talks about the expensive things that he has or how much money he has.  "Oh yea I'm gonna buy this car." "Yo I'm getting a Raymond Weil watch." "Yo my underwear was once owned by Usher."  Dude I don't care what you have, I like you for you, but you're pushing it.  If you're gonna go on and on about all your treasures but you can't pay for a meal, then you need to be gone.  I'm not materialistic at all, so things like that DO NOT impress me.  Now tell me you just installed a deep fryer in your kitchen, and then we'll talk, 'cause fatty loves to eat.
7. He doesn't drive. I'm sorry, call me critical, but a man should drive.  Even I finally got my license.  I'm not saying he has to have a car, those mofos are expensive, so I understand.  But at least KNOW how to drive.  There is nothing sexier than a guy that drives, drives fast and knows his shit when it comes to cars.
8. He knocks EVERYTHING. "I hate those reality shows; they're so stupid." "Why do girls have big bags, it's ridiculous." "Why does the sun shine, it's too bright, I don't like it." I mean a guy that complains and knocks everything is so unattractive.  I get that you don't like it, that's your opinion and that's great.  If you don't agree with me that's fine; no one ever does.  But sometimes somethings should just be left alone.  Don't beat a dead horse; its dead.  No one likes a whiner.  You hate when women do it, so stop.
9. He doesn't talk. I don't remember agreeing to date a mute guy. I don't want to have to constantly keep coming up with topics to get a guy to talk.  If you like me and want to talk to me, I would assume that you have SOMETHING to say to me.  And if not, why did you ask me out?
10. He's hairy. I'm sorry, I don't want to date a German Shepard. I did it once, and suddenly out of nowhere it became comfortable and cool for him to ask me to shave his back. Yuck! (And this is why you cut it off right away).
11. He criticizes the fact that I don't wear "girly clothes" or makeup.  Listen, I can get dressed up and fabulous just as much as the next girl.  But there is a time and place.  I find no need to wear 5 inch heels and 10lbs of eyeshadow to the movies.  I am a laid back girl, and unless you met me in a club where obviously I was dressed up, then you'll see as soon as you meet me that I dress comfortable and for myself.
12. He can't take my sarcasm or humor.  I'm hyper, always laughing and I'm not afraid to make a fool of myself.  If you're serious and straight laced, then you and I will never click.  I do a lot of silly, crazy and frustrating things that easily get on peoples nerves and if you get annoyed easily, it turns me off. So lets both get out now, 'cause inside this girl lives a little frat boy.
13. He invites me to his house, and his bathroom looks as if he has dirty trolls living in the cabinets that come out at night.  Clean your place up you dirty hamster.
14. He's a smoker.  I dated someone once that smoked and it was like I was licking an astray every time we kissed. It was really nasty...  This applies to pot smokers as well.  Mainly because you're not working at a comic book shop and you're not 18 anymore. 
15. He is constantly making references to his last girlfriend/relationship.  I'm not a therapist, so stop telling me that she took your Flatscreen TV and burned your clothes. First of all, DRAMA! Second of all if you want to talk about it that much, obviously something is still there and you shouldn't be dating period...  And ladies quick note if he was engaged and wears that engagement ring around his neck to remind him of his mistakes, you run like you're trying out for the Olympics and don't stop until you're in another country.
16. He's a cat person, not a dog person.  You don't like dogs, you don't like me. Take that as you wish. ;)

Now I definitely have a lot more limits, but I figure #16 is the number to stop at because you probably already stopped reading after #6.   So what are your deal breakers?  Can you see where I'm coming from or do you have a completely different point of you?  I'd love to read your comments.  And while we wait, check in with Mr. Ozymandias to see what he says are his breaking points with the ladies.

Happy Blogging All!

Photo Credit*

Toe-To-Toe Tuesday: A Lie is a Lie...Or is it?

Your girlfriend is complaining that she's feeling fat and that her clothes don't fit her right.  As she goes on and on in her rant, she turns to you and asks, "Babe. Am I fat?"  Sure she's gained about 15lbs since you guys first met, but do you tell her that?  No, as a "good boyfriend" you tell a little white lie and say, "No, Sweetie. You look great."  And now you're a LIAR.  But so what right?  You didn't cheat on her.  You haven't beaten her.  You just told her something that would make her feel good.  And of course you probably also helped yourself out by avoiding the inevitable where she catches a nasty attitude, storms out, eats everything in the house all while cursing at you. So you've done nothing wrong, right?  In certain cases I guess I can agree. But what happens to the rest of the honesty in a relationship?  What may start off as just an innocent little "lie" to make your partner feel better or to avoid an argument, can easily develop into something more.

So where do the white lies start and the black and blue ones begin?  One day you're avoiding the truth about her fat ass large booty and the next day you're hiding the fact that your ex-girlfriend texted you.  And yes, in my opinion, if you hide something, you're lying.  Why so?  Because you wouldn't be hiding it if there were nothing to hide.  People lie or omit the truth for the same reasons every day: I don't want to hurt his/her feelings; I don't want to get into an argument about the same thing again; I just don't feel like dealing with this right now.  But in a relationship, if you're lying or feel the need to lie, big or small, white or black, what kind of foundation are you building and where do you go from there?  Again, I can agree in certain instances.  If you added mayonnaise to the mashed potatoes and your partner insists that they hate the stuff, but then eats it as if it's the best thing on earth.  Well you've proved a point and of course that's OK :).  Or if he asks you how many men you've been with, lie and lie again! Hahaha. But in all seriousness these aren't things that are going to trash the entire relationship (as long as you were protected, lol).  It's all about using your judgment and your common sense.  In relationships you learn the inner workings of your partners mind, so you should be able to tell what is OK to omit and what isn't. For example, going back to the ex thing, if your ex girlfriend texts you out of the blue asking how you are or wants to meet up for old time sake.  Whether you respond or not, I would want to know.  I mean it may seem silly to some of you, but if by some chance I where to find out, I'm going to wonder why the secrecy, and then that causes an argument.  Another example, if I ask you if you think something looks nice on me or not, tell me the truth.  Don't make me leave the house looking like some a-hole, only to get to where we're going and have someone else tell me I look like a douche.  Thanks for nothing "boyfriend".  Another great "lie" or "omission" is telling your partner half the story.  "Oh I was out with the boys drinking." Yea, that's awesome, but you forgot to mention the part where you were doing this drinking at a Strip Club.  Stop worrying about what might piss off your partner and cause an argument, because chances are whatever "lies" and "omissions" you're doing, are going to cause a bigger one when they're realized.

Knowing the type of person I am, even if there is a chance that I'll get upset, I always want to hear the truth above all else.  Thankfully I'm in a relationship where we (at least that's what I believe, yikes. lol) tell each other the truth whether it hurts or not; and trust me it does hurt!  My boyfriend will be the first one to point out an embarrassing pimple on my face or tell me that maybe I need to slow down on those extra sack of fries after I've already eaten two sacks alone! I think a saying I once heard can put it all into perspective: "What's done in the dark will be brought to the light".  Basically things you try to hide, will always be found out; whether you like it or not.  So think about that the next time you decide to tell a little white lie or omit the truth.  But again, never reveal your sexual partners. Hahaha. I kid, I kid ;)

So can you have honesty in a relationship and still tell little lies here and there and not reveal everything to your partner?  What's you're take.  Don't forget to check out my friend Ozymandias blog post to find out how he feels about the idea of a "lie".

Happy Blogging All!

Photo Credit 

Toe-To-Toe Tuesday: "Cheaters Never Prosper"

Photo Credit: jasonlove.com 

In relationships we all do things that we may not be too proud of.  We'll tell a little lie here so we can go out with the our friends.  We'll tell a little lie there so we can just have a day to ourselves and relax.  But the one thing that some people do in relationships, that I just find pointless is, "cheat".  I will not pretend to be an angel, as I have cheated on a boyfriend in the past.  I am not proud of it in any way, shape, or form.  But when I made that mistake, I walked away from that relationship, not only for him, but for myself.  It took me a while to do so, because I was scared, but I knew in the end it was absolutely the right thing to do.  But unfortunately, there are many out there who make this same mistake over and over, whether it be towards one person or in various relationships.  And the question remains, why?  You would think anyone with a conscience would feel guilt every time their partner looked at them with a smile and love in their eyes.  I may be tugging on the dramatic heart strings here, but isn't it the truth?  I know the guilt ate me alive.
When I played the cheating game, it was because (not that this an excuse) I was constantly being accused of it already.  My phone was being monitored.  If I said I didn't want to go out and just wanted to stay home, he'd stay with me and follow me around to see if I was trying to sneak out; and this was in my mother's house, we didn't even live together.  But once I realized that this "drove" me to cheat, I felt awful and realized that amongst the thousands of other reasons I had not to be with him, this was just the icing on the cake.  And with that, I broke up with him.  But why do others cheat?  The most common reason I've heard, is that they're not getting what they need from their current relationship. News Flash: Then don't stay in that relationship!  There are exits on the left of you, the right of you, in front of you and behind you.  Take a step and keep it moving.  I poo poo on that reasoning, because it makes absolutely no sense.  If the oven is hot and you put your hand on it and burn yourself.  Do you keep your hand there?  No!  And if you do, seek help you freak.   But besides that "reasoning" or "excuse", they're are many other reasons people feel justified in their cheating.

Reasons To Cheat

1. Not happy in current relationship; they just don't get you anymore.
2. Bad sex in current relationship; you're looking for something feisty.
3. Wonder if you can get away with it; it's the thrill that excites you.
4. Stressed out and you need to break free.
5. Partner is already accusing you, so go ahead and do it.
6. Someone has been giving you the eye and you give into temptation.
7. You got drunk and lost yourself in the moment.
8. Your partner did something you didn't like and this is your pay back or...
9. Your partner cheated on your first, and now it's your turn.
10. Because in a nut shell, you can.  Who's gonna stop you if you're careful about it.

The list goes on and on my friend, and doesn't stop.  It's like finding an excuse not to stay on that diet.  But just like when you squeeze into those jeans and realize it's not gonna work, neither does cheating; and none of these are legitimate reasons.  Yes, ya'll I said it.  Hate me if you want too, but it's the truth.   You're a coward if you stay in a relationship and cheat, because all of these reasons have one simple solution: GET OUT!  If you're not happy, you're unsatisfied or are just playing chicken with the STD's out there, then you should not be in a relationship.  Trust me, there are PLENTY of people out there that just want to mess around with no strings attached.  So then why not go find them?   Don't say that you're so in love you don't know how to leave.  Last I checked, cheating isn't the #1 way to show that special someone how much you care about and love them.  What also bugs me about cheating is when you do confess to what you've done, and the person takes you back, but then throws it in your face constantly.  Jersey Shore ring a bell to anyone here?  You'll think everything is great, then one day you're going to throw out the garbage and accidentally use the wrong colored bag.  Suddenly only a cheater would do something so stupid.  It's insane.  People, if you're going to take back the "cheater", then wipe the slate clean or its not worth it. 

Now if you're confused or unsure as to what constitutes as cheating, ask your partner.  I myself have had several conversations with friends about this topic and these are just a few of the answers we came up with (in no particular order):

You're cheating if:

1. You're Having Intercourse, Kissing, Sleeping, Cuddling, anything physical with anyone other than your partner.  I think these are pretty self explanatory and if it's not, this blog will not help you figure it out.
2. You Flirt with the opposite sex (or same sex; depends on what you're into).  Now I always say you can look at the menu as long as you don't order (A La John Leguizamo in Spic-O-Rama).  However when you're in a relationship, you need to think about how that is going to affect your partner.  Is it really fair to consider the lobster when you know your partner just so happens to be allergic to shell fish.
3. You find yourself Sexting or Flirting via text and/or IM with someone other than your partner.  The only person you should be texting sexy things too, should be your partner.  Are things that bad in the bedroom that you resort to sexting??? how sexy is texting/im'ing dirty things to someone?  I've done it and usually I'm on my end thinking, "This is creepy and I want to stop."
4. You're still in love or harboring feelings for someone else. Yes, believe it or not, this is cheating;  It's cheating with the heart.  If you're out together holding hands and walking through the park, then turn your head and find that it's not the person you really want to be with, get out.  Chances are eventually you're going to turn to the physical aspect of cheating.
4. You find yourself grinding up on some hottie, not your partner, at a dance club.  This one surprised me too at first.  But seeing as how many people dance like they're auditioning for the Next Lambada Dance Superstar, it makes complete sense.  You shouldn't be making any moves that mimic the "sex act" on the dance floor.  No es bueno!
5. You decide to go out to dinner with an ex and or someone from the opposite sex that you're partner is not comfortable with; and you keep it a secret.  In many people's opinion this is how the cheating begins.  If you feel the need to keep secrets or feel like you can't open up to your boyfriend/girlfriend, then the issues in your relationship are running deeper than you think.  And no chance dinner with this person is going to fix that.

Again, that's just to name a few.  I'm sure we can be here for hours listing what some people call cheating and what others don't.  So my advice would be, don't cheat.   If it looks like cheating, feels like cheating or smells like cheating, it probably is.  And at the end of the day it's not worth it.  Remember the movie, "Why Did I Get Married?" when they talked about the 80/20 rule.  You have 80% of a great thing, but you feel like you need it to be 100%, so you go looking for that missing 20%.  Once you find it, you realize that's all it is, 20%.   And now you've lost the 80% you had and are stuck with just that lousy small 20%.  Trust me, it rings true!  If you really care about the person you're with, then the best thing is to let them in on why you feel like cheating or just break up with them all together.  If you don't care about the person and you're in it for fun, make sure you're both on the same page.  I can't imagine who the a-hole is that purposely likes to break hearts.  Well my ex-boyfriend is one, but that's a different blog for a different day. I kid, I kid.

So what are you views on cheating?  Are you for it or against it?  Please share your comments and/or stories with me in the comments section below.  Come on, I never judge and you can be always be anonymous.  In the meantime, lets hear/read what our good friend Ozymandias has to say about this particularly touchy topic.  What's this males' view on "Cheating"?

Happy Blogging All!

P.S. Note that this is just about boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, not MARRIAGE.  I don't have the energy to go into infidelity during marriage.  But I will say if you go in thinking you're going to cheat, you probably are so DON'T GET MARRIED!