Let's Get Over Ourselves, Please.

I find it hard to understand how people can make any situation, no matter how big or small, somehow about them.

Woman 1: "I'm having a birthday party and I can't wait to see everyone."
Woman 2: "Wait. Is Sarah going? If she's going, I'm not!"

It seems nowadays, people can't have or enjoy something nice for themselves, without someone coming to steal their thunder or make it about them. It's as if they have this psychotic notion that all the decisions people make should be run by them, at least once for approval. Well surprise, surprise, life suckers, that is NOT real life.  So, I bring up this topic because of a situation a friend of mine recently went through, and something I've gone through, recently, myself.

A friend of mine, we'll call her Veronica, had sent out an invite to her housewarming party.  As soon as the invite went out, she received a text from a friend letting her know that it was likely she would not attend because someone else was going.  She continued that she had no idea that Veronica and this person were really that close, and that Veronica should have really thought about inviting this other girl and her.  Apparently these ladies had a bit of a history, something that Veronica really didn't know, nor wanted to get involved with.  And why should she?  She just wanted people who she cares about and have been with her on the journey to get a new home, to enjoy the experience with her.  A fun and exciting adventure for my friend, was now being overshadowed by something so trivial. And yes, these ladies are in their 30's.  Veronica told her that it would be up to her if she attended, but she understood if she didn't.  She was very upset about it, and I was just pissed off for her.  How dare this girl make it about her?  This is Veronica's event, and she has no issues with you or the other girl, so why make it such a big deal.  You must feel guilty about something, and are now trying to convince others to see your point of view, so that you can save face.  Well I'm sorry, but that is your cross to bear, not hers!

Now I bring you to my story.  About two years ago I dated someone who introduced me, as most guys do, to all his friends and family.  I became pretty good friends with one of his female friends, and after he and I broke up, we still remained friends.  Well she became engaged to one of their other friends, and I couldn't have been happier knowing the history of the two and how they got there.  When I heard of their engagement, I was over the moon for them; they deserve it and so much more.  When I spoke to her she had mentioned that she would love to invite me, but that my ex-boyfriend would be uncomfortable, and therefore couldn't.  My first thought wasn't, oh that sucks. No, my first thought was, who's getting married here? Him or you?  I couldn't understand if you really wanted someone to share in your big day, why you would allow someone else to prevent that.  I also couldn't understand that how out of 125 guests, my one person, could make you uncomfortable, especially since he had cheated & broken up with me, and would most likely be there with that person.  Now me, never letting things go, eventually called him and asked him what the issue was that he had with me, and we "cleared" the air.  Now while I haven't mentioned this to her, and I won't, it still baffles me that people can have such an effect on others decisions.  I understand that they are truly best friends, and I'm sort of the outsider coming in.  However, when its something special that you want (or say you want), how does someone else's making a mistake, become an issue for you, where you then have to change your plans, to accommodate them. It makes absolutely no sense.

Why people make others such a factor in our decision making, I will never understand.  I've done it in the past, and have decided, as I've gotten older, that it's just not worth it.  If you plan something, and people want to be apart of it, then great.  If they don't, because someone going is going to wear white after Labor Day, and they just can't support that idea, well then I say, with a great big smile, well that's just too bad.  My opinion is, that with all the crap we have to deal with in this world, we should not have to take on others insecurities and garbage.  So let's get over ourselves and realize that there are other people in the world, and that the world itself, does not revolve around us.

Hugs & Kisses Friends,
La Latina Loquita.

Random Rant

Walking home from work, I notice about 6 guys standing in front of a building. They're talking (loudly!), laughing blasting music and just lounging in there jeans and wife beaters t-shirts.  One of them notices me and starts hollering like an idiot.  You know the "Hey Ma, waz good? Can I tawk to you for a second?" kind of hollering, and of course his buddies are cheering him on.  How unbelievably corny.  Anyway, I think judging by my attire & my worn out face, you could guess that I'm coming home from work; so you already know that much about me.  Now, I don't want to be judgmental here, but I live in the South Bronx, so deal with it.  What I know about you, is that you're sitting in front of a building doing NOTHING.  I could be wrong, and I could be judging a book by it's cover, but chances are you don't have a regular 9-5 and aren't a "real" man.  And what do I mean by "real man"?  Well, I'm not going to go into detail on what I think a real man is, but what I can say is that they're not sitting outside of a building, trying to pick up women.  Tell me if I'm wrong, but if you're past the age of 25 (and they were way past that age) isn't that just kind of sad?  I just don't understand men.  Do they really think that any woman in her right mind is going to turn to mush and find that to be sweet, sexy or cool?  If so, lets just say, that's gonna be one interesting relationship, and frankly I'd like to watch it on VH1 when I comes out next year.

Til Next Time Kids,

La Latina Loquita

This is crazy, but I'm back...Maybe

I can't believe the last time I posted was back in March! So many things have happened, come and gone, and changed in my life, which means I have lots and lots to share.  I hope to be able to post a little more often and keep you all up to date on the crazy going on's in my life.  Because obviously you all still care, or you wouldn't still be coming back...right? :)

This quicky blog is just to let you know that I'm back!...I know I've said this multiple times before, but here's hoping life stays calm and allows me to write at least 2 to 3 times a week.  What's actually hysterical is I have about 8 blogs saved, I just need to fine-tune them. I can't have you all reading gibberish...Well I mean it's gibberish anyway, but if I'm subjecting you to it, it should at least be gibberish that's tolerable.  Also, I've set my blog to "Adult".  While I don't intend to get overly graphic, there are instances where I'd like to be a little more free with my writing, and have held myself back, in case the wrong eyes gander over here.  While I'm sure the change won't keep them out, at least I know I'm doing my part. So with all that said, check back this week for one of my new blogs. I'm pretty sure, you'll enjoy and get a good laugh at it and my luck. ;)

La Latina Loquita

P.S In the meantime, you can always catch me on Pinterest and Instagram. So come and follow me.

Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/lalatinaloquita/
Instagram: LaLatinaLoquita; It's private, but I'll accept ya. :)

Why Do The Good Girls, Always Want The Bad Boys?

First and foremost, Happy New Year.  Yea, I know it's March, but if you hadn't noticed, I've been a little MIA.  Thanks to those who still come to read my crazy nonsense, that more than half the time makes no sense to normal minds.  For those who do get me, welcome to the dark side.  And now (HOPEFULLY) we shall continue to show how wacked out we are, together.

So as the lyric in No Doubt's song "Bathwater" goes, "Why do the good girls, always want the bad boys?"  I don't think there can ever be a clear answer to this question.  History repeats itself, and it has shown time and time again that the bad boys always break the good girls heart.  And then you just get bitter girls with issues, who when they do get into a relationship with the next guy, bring all that baggage into the relationship.  Only on television and in movies does the bad boy eventually see what the good girl has to offer, and then boom, he's reformed. BARF!  But we know better, or at least should, and know that that bullshit only works in fairy tales.  Case in point: Sex & The City.  So after six years of treating her like a toy you play with when you're board, he married someone else, she got engaged, blah blah blah and then**SPOILER ALERT- READ NO FURTHER IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT...No, really, if you're a woman reading my blogs and don't know the ending, never read my blog again. ;)**  Carrie and Big finally get together.  Now tell me, was I the only one that called "BULLSHIT" at that last episode?  Or even more so, when he continued to fuck her over on the big screen with the whole wedding fiasco.  I thought, this woman is a total fucking idiot.  And then I realized, "Jesus Christ, this woman is me!"

Now you all know I watch  A LOT of television.  And in the years where I've super glued myself to the TV, there have been quite a few shows that have mimicked things in my life.  Sex & The City however, felt like it was based on a particular story line in my own life.  See ladies & gentleman, I too have had a Mr. Big.  Mr Big: the guy that no matter how many times has broken your heart and made you feel like garbage on numerous occasions, still some how manages to find himself on a pedestal in your life.  Now you don't really blame Mr. Big, because he makes it blatantly obvious that he does not want a relationship.  He's not a bad person and has even showed you his inner soft side. Awwwww, right?  BUT, when it seems you're getting to close, they back off and become, distant & unavailable. You know, their way of making sure you don't get to close.  AND when you seem to be slipping from his grasp and you're finally freeing yourself of the spell a.k.a penis, his radar goes off & it starts all over again.  No seriously, I believe every Mr.Big type guy, goes to a special store that has some type of invisible radar for sale.  Then when they're with you, they stick on you somewhere, then BOOM!  Whenever you're really vulnerable, that thing goes off like the bat signal and he's back for more, and your in for more, and you (well, me) go back into "Pendeja Mode".

So back to the question at hand, "Why do the good girls, always want the bad boys?"  My opinion is, besides the obvious that Mr. Big is probably gorgeous, has an exceptional body and the sex is amazing...Wait, why was I saying it like this was a problem??..... Oh yea, right.  So my opinion is that we kinda need that bad boy in our lives.  We tend to need (or like) a little drama and suspense in our romantic lives.  Having you're own Mr.Big teaches you how to catch on to the next Mr.Big that tries to come in and dazzle you with his charm. But most of all, you're able to better recognize when Mr.Right comes in to your life.  And while it sounds cliche and half the time I have a hard time believing it myself, Mr.Right is out there.

So readers, what to do you think?  Do you find that good girls always want bad boys?  AND, do any of you have a Mr.Big story?  Share you're thoughts peeps!

Til Next Time...
La Latina Loquita

Jerks, Crying Children & Crackheads, OH MY!

So it's NYE time and every girl in America is running out to get her hair & nails done, dancing shoes, a cute outfit and the right jewelry so she can party the night away in style.  I bought new shoes.  Don't judge me... 

Aren't they cute?!  Damnit, ignore the black socks; it was helping me to stretch them out.  As you know, I rarely ever wear heels, so I need all the help I can get.

I was pretty much set, except I forgot to get my nails done.  I told myself all week to get them done around my job, but it was a hectic work week and when my boss offered to let me work from home Friday, I jumped at the chance.  So after I was done working at home, I decided I'd venture out into my neighborhood and try and find a salon.  Seems like a small task.  I mean there must be salons on every corner, I live in the South Bronx.  But no my dear readers, not simple at all.  See I live near a shopping area that I'd like to refer to as "The Hell Hole of The Bronx."  I swear every ghetto asshole, men and women alike, must come here for a daily "Lets fuck up someone's day" meeting.  Lord, why didn't anyone stop me.

The Salon! Entrance, right near a bus stop that was difficult to find at first, because of a crowd of people that stood in front of the area where the door was.  After saying excuse me about 4 times, they finally heard me over the screaming children and their own loud laughter.  What they were laughing at, I have no idea. Maybe they knew what was in store for me.  I finally walked into the nail salon (suggested by a friend who I will be punching in the boob later) up the stairs and through the door. Needless to say it was packed.  So I stood there waiting for someone to come up to me and ask what I was there for.  That's how most salons do it.  After 5 minutes of being ignored, I walked over to a table that had two sign in sheets on clip boards.  One for "Nails" and the other for "Mani/Pedi's".  If you're from the BX you already know what the "Nail" sign in sheet means, but for those who don't, let me explain.  If you're there to get acrylic nails, that's the one you sign up for.  And of course if you're from the BX, you know that that list is a mile long.  See in my area, playfully known as "The Ghetto", no one really ever gets just a Mani, that's more of a city thing.  Seriously, go to a Ghetto nail salon, like I did, and ask for a Mani. Then go to a Salon in the City and ask for acrylic nails.  They will both look at you like you have 8 heads.  Anyway, I signed up for a Mani/Pedi and I was lucky (so I thought) because I was the only one on that list.  I walk over and stand by a girl, who's talking on her phone. A moment later I hear her say, "Oh no, there is a roach on the wall in this salon. That is disrespectful."  It's at this moment you're saying to yourself, "And then you left right?"  No, sadly I did not.  I just moved away.  I should've run, but I didn't know where else to go and it was already 2:30.

I had finally found a seat and sat...and sat...and sat.  I waited patiently since the sign said, if you leave and your name is called, you lose your spot and would have to sign up again.  Oh but I saw interesting things while I waited.  

- A sign on the wall I tried to take a picture of (but was caught, so couldn't) that said, "We're not responsible if your child gets injury. No running. No playing on chair. This is not playground".  Yes, that's practically word for word.  

- Kids jumping on chairs next to me and parents cursing at them to "Sit the fuck down and cut the shit." Ahhh parenting, gotta love it.  One kid was crying because her brother told her that her breath stunk.  It did. I smelled as she stood crying/screaming next to me.

- My favorite moment actually had to be the woman sitting in front of me, with her large belly hanging out over her pants, asking her VIETNAMESE nail lady if she had a black belt in Karate.  

- Another girl in her leopard print pajama pants and big fluffy hair, in a color of, I guess you'd call it honey.  But it's clearly not a color found in nature.

- I noticed there were no real places to dry your nails.  You just stand in front of a window and place your hands in, what I can only describe as a hole in the wall.  I also noticed, after I did my toes, that they only had one fan on the floor, from I assume like a Home Depot type store, to dry toenails. Clearly NOT for your feet. 

- Oh and the below photo was my favorite.  I guess people have stolen in the past...

If you can't tell, the chairs are taped together!

So I was there for 45 minutes as people came in and out getting just "nails".  I noticed that one woman had been getting a pedicure since I had gotten there and assumed that must be the only mani/pedi lady.  When she was finally done I heard, whom I assume was the owner, tell the mani/pedi lady, "Oh she's getting pedicure.", but she wasn't pointing at me.  I turned my head and saw a girl getting up about to walk over to the pedi chairs and I knew she had NOT gotten there before me; hello, only person on the list, remember?  I got up and asked the lady, "Excuse me, but how does this mani/pedi list work?  Because I'm the only one on it and she came in after me."  With a roll in her eye, that I wanted to smack right out of her, she told Rosa (that's mani/pedi lady's name) that I'm really next.  FINALLY.  But as soon as Rosa started working on my feet I could just tell, she's just a pedi lady.  I asked during our session who would be doing my mani and she looked terrified and said, "Oh you get mani too?"  I said, "Yes, I signed up for both."  She looked up, again terrified, and said, "I do it."  At this point I didn't even care.

Now while I sat there, I see the girl who was going to take my spot originally, with someone else.  As I'm watching what's going on, Rosa asks if I'd like that as well, and I said no.

What is that you ask? Well it's a well known household appliance makers' new foot sander.  Huh? That well known household appliance maker doesn't make a foot sander?  No, you're kidding.  I swear I could see some of those city girls in there now, just fainting from the utter horror.  Surely this can't be real.  Well guess what folks, it is.  And before I get some Bronxite commenting about that I'm bougie and forgot where I came from, blah blah blah.  I think anyone with common sense would think that what I've mentioned is certainly GHETTO and ridiculous!

Once I was done with my crap mani/pedi, I hightailed it out of there.  I didn't take my frustration out on Rosa because she was really sweet... OH I forgot to mention how the sandblasted feet girl, really came over 5 minutes after I sat down to get my nails done and asked if I was done with the floor fan.  As I was about to say, sure (because I figured they'd dry in the amount of time it'd take her to do my nails anyway) this rude asshole just grabbed it and walked away.  Now don't tell me that's not rude or ghetto.  P.S. Sandblasted Feet Girl, I hope you enjoy the fungus you'll get from walking around in those paper slippers!

Now I know this blog is LONG but I'm not done.  I then went to see if I could find some jewelry for my NYE night.  Surely my experience in The Hub couldn't be 0 for 0.  So I went into 7 clothing stores, 2 had jewelry that was clearly for 15 year olds and 50 year olds trying to be 15 again.  Basically TACKY!  The other stores didn't even have any accessories, which I found weird because don't all clothing stores at least have one rack with some kind of jewelry?  Even Payless sells jewelry!  In one store, as I was going to leave, I said excuse me to a woman, who told me, "No!"  I'm sorry what?!  I say "excuse me", and you say "no".  Okay, so I walked by her and pushed her, and she hit one of the clothing racks and sucked her teeth.  Yes, because I'm in the wrong.  I decided at that point to just cut my loses and go home; walking.  I walked by crackheads arguing. An old man trying to pick me up.  A huge group of 13 year old girls that look older than me, yelling at the top of their lungs about God only knows what.  And a ton of people walking by bumping into me without saying excuse me or sorry or anything.  I stopped at Rite-Aid to pick up somethings and then stood in line near a man who wreaked!!!! of weed.  I'm convinced I'm still high from the contact I caught from him.  Then I picked up food for me and my sister.  While I waited for the food, there was some crazy kid in the place screaming, "I'm about to lose my mind up in here. People think I'm fuckin' playing and shit."  I really wanted to say, "Lose your mind about what? That your pants are hanging off your ass like you're letting people know you're ready for some ass sex? Or losing your mind about the fact that you're probably 16 and have 3 kids already."  I then went home and stuffed my fluffy girl face. 

So the moral of this story is, don't do your nails, shop or get food in the Ghetto unless it's absolutely necessary.  Which in my experience, will never be absolutely necessary.  Next time my sister is doing my nails, I'm wearing moms jewelry and I'm eating a PB&J.  The end. Goodnight!

Happy New Year!

Video Clip Wednesday!

As many of you know, and if you don't you will now, I sleep with the TV on.  Thanks to a wonderful cousin of mine and her torturing me as a child, I am deathly afraid of the dark.  Now you know all my secrets.  But I'm already digressing and I haven't even started this blog... 

Okay, so a few years ago, about 4 or 5, I used to fall asleep to Nickelodeon/ Nick@Nite...  Now most days I fall asleep to the Hallmark Channel because they air the Golden Girls and I LOVE them...  Anyway, I chose Nick because they always showed Roseanne and another show I can't quite remember; but I really loved watching Rosanne.  Well one day I woke up around 6:30a and of course the TV was on.  Now around this time the channel shifts back to cartoons and whatnot.  So while easing into the transition, as many kids were waking up and turning on the TV, they used to air the below PSA.  Now I don't know what about it caught my attention, and continued to do so for months after, as they played it every morning.  But I freakin' LOVED it just as much as my Roseanne and Golden Girls.  I don't know if it's the fork break dancing in the beginning, or the plate doing the worm or if it's the Spoon saying "Huevos Rancheros".  Whatever it was, I used to wake up solely to make sure I heard this little jingle.  It actually put me in a happy mood and made me crack up all the time; did I mention I really enjoyed the rapping and the beat it has?  Tell me after hearing it you don't sing it a line at least once today.  I hope you enjoy this little trip down memory lane as much as I did when I re-heard it yesterday.

Happy Blogging!

Mimi Hates Me

So this past August my aunt passed away.  She was a wonderful person, really funny and one of those people who would give it to you straight.  One of the things I loved about her was that she was such an animal lover, and had four dogs.  So when she passed away those dogs had to find homes, and we decided to take in Mimi.  Mimi was like my aunts daughter.  As much as she loved all of them, Mimi was the real baby; she took her everywhere and treated her like gold.  I promised my aunt that I would make sure to take care of Mimi as best as she did, if not better; if I could.  That brings us to present day.

Mimi ready for her first Christmas with us. Isn't she adorable! 

My family and I joke about it all the time, but Mimi has some seriously bad breath.  She makes Charlie Tuna jealous of her fishy aroma.  She is also very hairy (she's a Pomeranian) and her nails have gotten quite long, so we needed to have her groomed.  Since we weren't ever able to get her papers, we took her to Petco so that she could get all her shots (she needs the Rabies shot to get groomed) and were hoping that the Vet could give us some feedback on her breath issues.  As the Vet was examining her and giving her the shots, I threw out that she was my aunts dog and that's why I didn't have papers or know her date of birth.  While talking the Vet took one look and said we needed to take her to a real Vet/Dentist to check her out; she had very very very very very bad tarter and possible gum disease.  Cut to this past Saturday.  As I sat there waiting for the Vet to come in, Mimi just kept staring at me like she was saying, "Why am I here?"  God, that face just makes me melt.  The Vet came in and asked questions and once again I let her know that Mimi was previously my aunts dog, and had passed away.  The Vet then did her own examine and as soon as she opened Mimi's mouth, she told me in a thick European accent, "Oh yes, she must have cleaning and extractions."  My mouth dropped. I knew it wasn't good, but EXTRACTIONS?!  She gave me a list of  "worse case scenario", things that they would do, which included a hefty bill.  When she asked me if I had any questions, all I asked was, "Do you do doggie dentures?"  She laughed. I was serious.

So surgery was set for Tuesday, December 6.  I was going insane... Now let me take a moment here to address non-animal lovers and those who just don't understand us that do love them.  We really do treat our animals like people; like our children.  They're defenseless creatures that really come into this world with nothing and without any choice.  Hell the parents have no choice.  I mean the parents don't really think, yea lets have some puppies (they're just horny), while humans can make that choice (we're just stupid).  They only have what we provide them.  If we left them running off in the streets the would probably die or be snatched up by an organization that would put them to sleep.  Yes, I'm dramatic.  So I treat Mimi like she's my daughter. I feed her, buy her clothes, treats/toys, and also spend thousands of dollars on Medical bills.  The only thing I don't do, is claim her on my taxes; and if I could, I definitely would.  So if that isn't being a parent, please enlighten me on what is...  So we get to the Vet bright and early and I swear she knew something was going to go down.  While she is normally a very calm dog, it was like she was trying to crawl into my clothes.  When they finally called our name, she had calmed down.  I was the one still going nuts.  The nurse was going on how cute Mimi was, and once again I threw out how she was my aunts dog...  I finally realized after this 50th time of saying she's my aunts dog, that its because I don't want people to think I let her teeth get this bad.  Not that I think my aunt didn't care, but I honestly don't think she ever really noticed.  So I figure they won't hate me for her teeth being that bad.  And hey, you can't hate someone who's passed on, right?  The nurse started to go through the procedure details, "Okay so this is Mimi and she'll be having hip surgery and getting spayed." O-o????  I immediately pulled Mimi away and said, "Ummm NO! She's here for teeth. TEETH! And she's already spayed."  She looked puzzled until she realized the receptionist had printed out multiple labels with my name and Mimi's and put it on her file and the file of another dog.  I was ready to run out of there like a bat out of hell.  Once they got everything in order, they put Mimi's hospital tag on, and off she went; and there went my tears.  Yes, I cried.  Damn dog! She makes me have...feelings. Yuck!

By the time they called me to pick her up, I already had one foot out the door and in the cab.  I sat there waiting and waiting for them to bring her out.  The nurse finally came out with her medication and a list of things I would have to do to take care of her.  Apparently she had severe dental disease and they had to remove almost all of her teeth, which were already loose.  Again, my mouth just dropped.  How will she eat?!   They let me know she would be fine to have solid foods again in a week.  Apparently the Vet had once seen a dog eat with no tongue. I don't know, but that's what she said.  So I wrapped up my daughter as she stared at me with pure anger and pain in her eyes, and took her home.
 

The little patient resting on the couch. My poor baby!!!

I've had to give her medicine last night and again this morning, and she was NOT happy.  And all night she moaned, groaned, coughed up God knows what and stared at me as if to say, "You did this to me. Who's the real Bitch here?!"  I wish she could understand I only did it for her own good.  That disease could've gone down into her stomach and gotten a whole lot worse.  Again, I'm dramatic, but damnit I love my child :).  Now Mimi is a very happy dog, and when you come through the door she's always wagging her tail and jumping up and down.  She even did this yesterday when my mom came home.  Well today I came home and all I heard was silence.  After I put my stuff down and walked over to her bed, she just looked at me like, "Who let you back in here? Leave me alone."  Call me a sap (I told you she makes me have those nasty things called "feelings") but I totally wanted to cry.  So yes, now Mimi hates me.  Plus I still have to take her to get groomed.  Lord help me, I'm gonna have to buy her love back with eggs, turkey and a lot of Christmas gifts.  Oh, the things you do when you're a Mother *sigh*.

Happy Blogging!

Random Thoughts by Me

One of my favorite chocolate treats is a Hersey Bar with Almonds.  It's that one piece of chocolatey goodness that no matter what my sweet tooth is craving, hits the spot.  And while it may seem bizarre to you, I have a special way in which I pick my little piece of chocolate heaven.  See, whenever I purchase one of these delicious decadent treats, I sort of... well I... I molest the bar before deciding.  Listen, the ratio of almonds to chocolate has to be as even as possible; there MUST be an adequate amount of almonds in this bar.  I mean come on, if I wanted just the chocolate, I'd get the plain one.  Anyway, the other day I bought one and did my normal "feel up the candy" routine.  Touching it from the top of the bar, to the bottom, making sure there a good ratio.  After feeling up about 4 of these, to my delight there was almonds all over my last choice and it brought such a smile to my face.  There's nothing worse than getting a bar with one half having a bunch of almonds and the other one either having 1 almond, or worse, NONE!

I finished up shopping and went to the register.  As the cashier was ringing up my items, she got to the Hershey bar and it wasn't ringing up.  She tried it about 3 times, before she finally asked me to get her another one so that she could get the price... If you don't know where I'm going with this, you obviously are not a fellow fluffy or you don't appreciate sweets in the way that I do... Once she got the price, she packed my stuff and I was on my way.  Later in the day when I had a hankering for something sweet, I immediately went to my little prize.  Only I was actually in for a surprise.  After all my "hard work" of searching for the right chocolate bar, I found that she had switched the bars on me! So now I ended up with a bar that not only wasn't near as good as the one I had originally chosen, it only had one side with almonds!!!  -_-

While you may think I'm over exaggerating, I know someone out there will feel my pain.  And in case you missed my last blog, I don't like when my "food" is messed with.  It just makes me angry.   I know one of you out there has to relate.  Don't lie, it's okay, we're all friends here; a no-judgement free zone.  Well, most of the time...  And PLEASE before I get someone saying there are people are starving all over the world, blah blah blah.  Trust me, I do my share of donating food and clothes to the needy, so you can keep your preaching to yourselves. :)

So now it's, Universe-2 and Fluffy Girl-0.  The universe and I are about to experience some SERIOUS issues.

Happy Blogging All!

P.S. Hope you all enjoyed a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Random Thoughts by Me: Spandex Gone Wrong!

Okay, normally this is something I would just show to friends and make my smart ass comments and leave it at that.  However, I had to share this, because it seems to be turning into an epidemic.  

Why is leaving the house knowing you have HOLES in any of your clothing, especially pants and near the butt or crotch area, okay?  "Maybe she didn't know."  Oh yes, she did, because when one of the girls working in the store told her about the holes, she said, "oh yea I know", as if there was nothing wrong with it, smiling away and like she was surprised that the girl would even bring it up.  Ummm, there is something wrong with it!  She also had one on the inner thigh that I noticed when she went to sit down to try on shoes.  And before you ask me why I was so up in her stuff.  Well she put it out there and I was so surprised that a woman would walk out like this, I couldn't help but stare at her.  And this isn't the first time I've seen this, and on a fluffy girl!  See, this is why my fluffy ladies, of all sizes, get criticized for wearing spandex, stretchies, tights, etc.  This is right up there with the ladies that wear stockings and pretend that they're spandex pants.  Umm I see your red hearts thong when you bend over; they're NOT spandex.  I've never seen a skinny minny girl walk out of the house with holes in her tights!  And by the way, while they may appear small in this photo, they weren't.  At least if you're going to do this, wear a shirt long enough to hide the holes!  I truly do not understand some women and how they choose to leave the house.  

Am I alone in this ladies? Sound off, PLEASE!

Happy Blogging All!.... And check your clothes before you leave the house! :)

The Hungry Brat

**

**Hungry Brat**

So all week I've been trying to eat really well.  I've had whole grain cereal, low fat peanut butter on toast, salads, grilled chicken and only one big meal (usually my lunch).  Most importantly, I cut off soda.  Let us take a moment to mourn the loss of my delicious fizzling friend, Coca-Cola. . . .  Okay, so anyway the point is I've been doing well.  I even worked out twice this week.  Shut up, yes, that's a lot!  So yesterday morning I woke up late, causing me to be late for work.  When I finally arrived, it was straight to work, which means I didn't eat breakfast right away; I had to wait until 10:15.  When you're hungry, you notice things like exact time.  So at around 12 I started feeling a little hungry and had a nature valley bar and a cup of tea; my snack.  I then realized that I had my Health Benefits meeting at 1:30 so I would have to wait until after to get my lunch.  Which was fine, because the bar and tea would hold me over. I mean, how long could that meeting take?  -_-

On to the Health Benefits meeting. Oh yes, where people ask the most asinine questions you can possibly imagine, and ask it TWICE!  Now while I'll admit, if you're not an HR person, there may be some things you don't understand right off.  However, some of these questions were just absolutely ridiculous.  For example: "So if I don't use the FSA account and it doesn't roll over into next year, what happens to the money?"  Umm you lose it?  I don't even use FSA and I know this!  Anyway, the meeting ran for an hour and a half! I have never ever ever been in a Enrollment meeting for that long; 20/25 minutes tops!  Of course by this time my stomach had begun growling and hunger had set in.  And along with hunger comes irritability and annoyance.  My hunger is a lot like PMS - sorry guys, but it is - which basically means don't fuck with me.  Yea, I cursed, because when I get hungry I get a potty mouth... Okay, I always have a potty mouth, whatever.  So when this meeting was done, I literally bolted and went to Subway.  I decided against my normal tuna order since I was so hungry and got the Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki, toasted.  Freakin' yummy, right.  I get back to my desk, am about to sit down, when all of a sudden they tell me we have a meeting.  You're joking right?  1. That wasn't on my calendar. 2. I just got my lunch. 3. Why am I surprised? Of course that would happen the day I get a HOT sandwich.  So I go off into the meeting with a trompa face, obviously, because I'm a brat and everyone should know.  During this meeting of course EVERYONE had to speak, except our team.  See we weren't informed of the meeting because our boss wasn't going to be there and therefore, we wouldn't really be needed.  But since the VP was there, we couldn't really just leave during it.  And I wasn't going to be the fluffy chick who brings her food to the meeting and stuffs her face in front of a crowd.  I have manners...sometimes.

Thankfully it was only 20 minutes of my life, but that was still 20 minutes of my lunch time loss.  And while the meeting was taking place and "important things" being discussed, all I kept thinking was, "I don't even want the damn sandwich anymore. I'm throwing it out. It's going to be cold and soggy." I told you, I'm a Hungry Brat!  When the meeting was over at 3:20 (again, fluffy people pay attention to time in matters of the belly), again, I BOLTED to my desk.  At this point if someone even asked me a question they were either getting the silent treatment or a sarcastic response.  I sat down and of course someone did try to say something, I'm not even sure who.  I just threw up my hands like "STOP. CEASE. DESIST. DO NOT APPROACH ME FOOL, I AM HUNGRY."   Whoever it was, obviously understood this and stopped talking.  Good for them.  Unfortunately someone did not get this.  See at this point, I remember, "Oh! We have a 3:40 fire drill today which means I now have to inhale my food. Lovely!"  While this may seem like a good thing, because who wouldn't want to shovel in food when they're hungry, it's not.  I get very gassy (as in burpy, relax) when I eat fast.  So while I'm eating like this is the only food I've seen since '89, my new co-worker, God Bless her, asks me a question:

New Girl: Oh good, you're eating.
Me: :: Blank stare towards computer screen. No answer::
New Girl: I'm trying to get this stuff done before the drill.
Me: :: Stuffing face, continued blank stare towards computer screen. No answer::
New Girl: They alert us when it's time for the fire drill, right?
Me: Yea
New Girl: Like an alarm or something?
Me: No, they come by and set your desk on fire.

Hey you ask me silly questions, AND while I'm hungry, you're gonna get silly answers.  Thankfully she's a good sport and laughed.  I finally finished with 5 minutes to spare, and there goes the alarm.  About 5 to 10 minutes of this guy talking, and all I'm thinking is, "Please don't burp. Please don't burp."  Oh did I mention I'm standing right next to the VP?!  And of course when we're dismissed, she and I walk side by side and she asks me a question!  Right as I was going to answer, I feel it.  I'm about to burp.  Are you flipping kidding?!  Thankfully someone tapped her and she turned and I let our that silent burp, where you blow in the opposite direction of the person you're with and hope to God an odor doesn't linger.  Well while I was having my burp crisis in private, she kept talking and so I kept walking.  Lets just say it wasn't the best day I've had this week.  Oh, and of course I got home and wasn't hungry since I ate so late.  AND of course I would start to get hungry at 10 o'clock at night.

In matters of the belly, Fluffy Girl - 0 and Universe - 1.  

Happy....EATING all!

Random Thoughts by Me

It doesn't matter if it's Summer or Winter, there is always some douchebag that lowers their car windows and blast whatever god awful music their listening to, out for everyone to hear.  And they don't care if it's 6pm or 8am or even 2am, they'll do it without a care.  On so many of these occasions I have fantasized about following these people home, waiting for them to fall fast asleep and then breaking into their home with a huge bucket of ice cold water and throwing it on them while they sleep.  All while blasting, from my own horribly unique vocal chords, whatever song it was that they were playing, that annoyed me.  Please, if you do this, answer me this question. WHY???? What makes you think this is not only cool to do, but that people want to hear your shitty taste in music?  Do you not realize that we can hear it?  Or are you just that big of a piece of shit that you just don't give a flying fuck.  I'm writing this now, and yes in anger, because some A-Hole is blasting music from 1995 outside, and it's not even good music!!!!  And this ladies and gentleman is why you should all be grateful that carrying guns is not legal.  And no, not to kill anyone. Calm down you nuts! Just to shoot out some tires or a radio here and there. :)


Happy Blogging All!

*This was written on 11/6/11 at 9p while trying to watch Housewives Atlanta. Hence my anger. :)

Oh, I Guess You're Just That Tired. Pfff

As you all know, I ride the subway everyday, to and from work.  So most of my life and all it's crazy occurrences, happen while I'm in that steel trap, and today was no different.  On my way home, the train was packed as usual so I tried squeezing myself in where ever I could.  I finally positioned myself and grab the bars next to the seats near the door.  Suddenly I feel something and then nothing, then something and then nothing again.  I look and its some woman's hand, moving back and forth. It was as if her hands had add, because they just kept sliding towards mine and bouncing off.  Someone I don't know, touching me in any way, especially skin to skin, disgusts me!  One of the reasons I truly hate the train, because there you don't have a choice sometimes if people get that close.  So I finally move over and I'm holding onto one of the poles in the middle.  Again, I start to feel something on my hand, then nothing, and then something and then nothing again.  And again it's someone's fucking hand!!!  Please tell me how lazy can you possibly be that you can't hold up your own damn hand.  Have your hands been that busy today that you can't keep them up?  Do they weight that much?  No? Then why the hell are you touching me???  I had such an urge to take my hand, rub it on my fun box, sneeze and cough all over it and then put it back on the pole and yell, "You want to lean on my hand now?!" I don't know where the hell your hand have been and you have no clue where mine have been.  I don't even want to hold on to that germ ridden pole, but I'm forced to so that I don't go flying into my death when the train decides to make a sudden stop.  Why in the hell do people do this?

Another issue, and I experienced it today, is people leaning on the pole.  Okay, when there's no one around, sure lean on it. Hell I could careless if you hump it or make love to it.  However, unless you're a stripper who's extremely dedicated and attached to his/her job, there is NO REASON FOR YOU TO LEAN ON THE POLE! When the train is packed, get the fuck off and stop being a lazy bastard.  But by far the worse thing, is to start leaning on the pole when someone is already holding on, is absolutely ridiculous and disrespectful.  I got a dirty look from some man today because that's exactly what he did to me and another woman.  He started to lean on our hands as if our hands were just decorations on the pole, or worse, weren't even there.  So I stuck my finger out to poke him in the back and jabbed until he moved.  He then leans off, looks at me and rolls his eyes.  Excuse me??  Am the asshole here?  I'm sorry, but please tell me, are other people just invisible to you?  Or are you just that much of a jerk off that you don't see the issue with leaning on someone's arm or hand.  Why don't I just get some lotion and give you a damn back massage, you look tired.  I can't believe the complete rudeness of people.  I rolled my eyes right back at him and the other woman started to laugh saying she was about to do the same thing.  The nerve of some of these passengers just amazes me.  I know New York is full of rude people, I can be one of them from time to time, but to just be flat out disrespectful, is on a whole new level of rude.

So am I the only one that experiences these issues and gets enraged by them?  Please share and let me know how you handle it.  I'm open for advice, because I'm about to start boarding the train with weapons...trust me, I have other reasons as to why those weapons will come in handy. :)

Happy Blogging All!

Random Thoughts by Me Presents: Random Moments

Today I went on a wild goose chase to find some finishing touches for my Halloween costume.  Why a wild goose chase? Because to be honest I wasn't even sure what I was looking for.  Anyway, I decided to cut my losses and just go home.  I went to get on the train when of course some woman with her baby carriage is taking up half the door.  I swear its during rush hour that I see more baby carriages than at a Babies R Us.  Anyway, with the carriage and other passengers, I moved over right by the seat nearest to the door.  As I'm standing there I notice the guy sitting right in front of me is sleeping with his mouth wide open.  Normally I wouldn't care, because I've seen this numerous times.  But in this case, the man started bopping to the left and right and then started coming towards me.  He kept falling half way towards my stomach and then would bop right back up.  Now, I started to get worried because all I'm thinking is, "This dude better not fall out of his seat, onto me."  And as I mentioned the train was packed, so there wasn't really anywhere for me to go.  So as he's moving back and forth, I put the little bag I was holding on my arm holding the pole, so when he would start to come towards me, he would feel it and go back.  It worked....for a while.  Eventually as we approached the next stop, and made a sharp turn, there he went right into me or rather it.  Yes, ladies and gentleman, right into my wonton soup, into my woo woo, into my golden ticket.  Yes, he went head first right into my baby maker!!!!  I was beyond disgusted and pissed off at first.  But nothing, and I wish I had a picture of it, could compare to the embarrassed, confused and horrified look on his face.  I just started to laugh as he said, "I'm sorry. Oh, I'm so so sorry."  Needless to say he got off at the next stop and no, there is definitely no pun intended there!  So yes, these are just some of the things I experience on my Subway adventures.


Have you had a similar random moment? 


Happy Blogging All

Random Thoughts by Me

So yesterday I went to a charity concert event and came home really late. My friend and I tried catching a cab, but we just couldn't get one, so we eventually just got on the train.  So I text my mom when I got off to see if she was up.  But thanks to my HORRIBLE service I couldn't send any texts or call, because it couldn't detect a signal.  So as I was walking it seemed two men were following me.  In actuality they were just walking in the same direction I was, but as a woman you have to be extra cautious.  All I kept thinking was how would I escape if they tried to grab me or assault me in some kind of way.  Now tell me, am I the only person that when walking home late at night, when it's dark and eerily quiet, holds a scream in their throat? You know, where you're instantly ready to let out the biggest scream of your life if someone tries to touch you or if a leaf grazes your arm?  That's what I was doing!  Every time the wind blew too hard or I heard a car in the background I was on the verge of letting out the loudest scream, that I'm sure would've sounded like I was giving birth.  And sad to say, embarrassing to say, I did let out a yelp when a car drove by at one point. I know, I'm silly, but come on, I live in the South Bronx so I must be prepared to scream, kick and hustle it outta there at all times.  And if all else fails, prepared to ball up into the fetal position and start sucking my thumb and hope my attacker doesn't have any weird fetishes. 

Have you had this random thought?

Happy Blogging All!

Random Thoughts by Me

So I thought I'd try something new on LaLatinaLoquita and see how it plays out with you all.  See I always have these random thoughts, ideas, or just comments that I make to myself throughout the day.  And when I say random, I mean random.  Like today for instance, I saw a rat going through garbage (thankfully I was across the street).  But my immediate thought wasn't, "Maybe I should walk faster" or "Thank God I'm not on that side".  No, my thought was, "Holy shit imagine there was a bomb in there and it exploded and there were rats body parts everywhere."  And my second thought was, "What if like there was like a head rat.  So that when this rat saw him, he'd scurry off and leave the feast of garbage to the king."  Again, I'm SUPER random; you get the point.  Now see as funny as I think these random thoughts maybe, they don't really merit an entire blog.  But nevertheless, sometimes I feel like I just have to share them.  Maybe some of you can relate and make me feel like I'm not a complete lunatic.  Or maybe some of you will read some of my "thoughts" and think, "Yea, not reading her stuff anymore. She is a freakin' loca!"  Either way, I'm going to bring you in a little deeper into the crazy things that go through this girls mind.  Hey, they don't call me Loquita for nothing, so here goes my first "thought" in my new series, "Random Thoughts by Me".


You know how sometimes you go to the bathroom (at work, movies, restaurants, etc) and you walk into a stall and it's just disgusting.  You know, tissue left stuck to the seat, stains on the wall, pee on the seat, a baby swimming in the toilet and so forth.  So you move to another stall, and then notice someone go into the one you just rejected.  Well do you ever think, "Aye que fucking puerca! Cochina!" (*translated to: Ugh, what a fucking pig. Slob!"  

The other day there was "poop splatter" on the inside of the toliet, that as soon as you looked in the stall you could see. I was so grossed out I went to the next stall.  A few minutes later a woman went into the very stall I had just avoided.  I was making so many faces to myself, and just so disgusted by this woman.  So of course I washed my hands long enough to see who it was, so I could judge them internally.  I mean, who does that?

Have you had this random thought?

Happy Blogging All!

What If Tomorrow Didn't Come?

I tried to let the day go by without saying anything or touching on this topic.  I figured there are enough television specials and memorials to remind us what happened 10 years ago today, that I didn't need to add to it.  But in viewing all of the coverage and being alone with my own thoughts, all these different feelings began to muster up inside of me.

10 years ago I was a Sophomore in college and I was getting ready for my government class, which I couldn't stand.  My professor was an older man with such a thick accent, I dreaded every lecture.  As always, in the morning I watch TV. Sometimes TBS to watch Saved By The Bell or MTV to watch music videos.  But I always start with channel 11 news to see the weather and if they'll be any train delays.  As I was getting dressed I wasn't really paying attention to what they were saying, but at one point something just made me look at the screen.  As I turned, I saw the second plane hit the tower.  I was in shock, but at that moment it didn't dawn on me how serious it was.  I walked downstairs as my mother was about to leave and said, " Mom, they said terrorist just hit the World Trade Center towers with a Plane. I think I saw it."  She looked at me as if I was saying, "It might rain, don't forget an umbrella." and said, "Oh, freaking terrorist man. Okay, I'll see you later." And went to work.  I guess as New Yorkers always being the victim or possible victim of attacks, we were kind of desensitized  and jaded to the idea that something major may be happening for real.  So she left, and I got my book bag and left too.  I was on the 2 train on 135 street, when they stopped and said that due to train traffic we were being delayed.  15 minutes later they told us we had to get off, because no trains were going into the city.  And that's when I realized something really bad had happened.

After 9/11, I kept thinking of all the innocent people who had lost their lives. their families and friends who had lost their loved ones.  I was and still am extremely grateful that I didn't lose anyone I knew personally, especially because one of my mother's cousin's worked in one of the buildings as a maintenance man.  We later found out that he had been told to go back to work when the first plane hit, but trusting his gut, he left immediately.  But nonetheless, I still felt like I lost something.  It sounds strange, but I thought of people I smile at on the street randomly; you know when you happen to lock eyes.  Or someone I may have held the door for or given up a seat on the train too.  I thought of those people and wondered if any of them were in that building, or on one of those planes.  Then I thought of all the people that got to work early that day or the people that were late. People that missed the train, got stuck in traffic or decided to change their clothes and were basically, saved for lack of a better word, from this tragedy.  I thought of all the people who probably had had a fight with someone that morning or the night before.  The things they may have been said that weren't meant, or even the things that some people wanted to say and never could.  I thought of people who had probably planned trips or even lunch dates for that day, and never got to experience them.  It made me think of all the times I have said, "Oh, I'll do it tomorrow." or "Oh, I'll call that person tomorrow."  But this experience showed me point blank, "What if tomorrow didn't come?"

What makes this more upsetting is that I still do those things. I think I'll see so and so tomorrow, or i'll apply to that job tomorrow. I even think, oh I'll write that blog tomorrow.  Even after 10 years, I still make the mistake of thinking that tomorrow will come, when in reality tomorrow is promised to no one.  We make so many excuses for ourselves out of being lazy or just thinking that time is ours to waste, that sometimes we just don't go for it.  And I've written about this before, and it's sad because it's a thought that's always on my mind, but yet I don't always make the changes that need to be made in my life, a priority.  A day like today is always that burst of reality, that wake up call, that sometimes is just needed.  It's great to think of just going with the flow and see where the wind takes you, because then you don't have to really make decisions and possibly mess up.  But what good is it to sit and wait for life to move you? You need to move life on your own.  So if there's a trip you've been meaning to take, go for it.  If you've had an argument with someone and have been holding a grudge, let it go; if not for them for yourself.  If there's a big decision you've been meaning to make, make it.  If you love someone tell them.  Because if tomorrow doesn't come, you won't be able to say, I'll do it then.

My heart and prayers go out to all of the victims souls, their families, their friends and their colleagues.  And to all the heroes, thank you for your courage and strength.  May God protect us all.

Happy Blogging All!

Do Drunken Words Really Speak Sober Thoughts?

We've all done it.  Gotten so sorority girl/fraternity boy wasted, that we just started spewing crap out of our mouths like freedom of speech was just declared a right.  In instances where you can't say what you really want, for fear that people may judge you or because you're to much of a coward to be honest, you take advantage of what's called "liquid courage". I've had it, you've had it, we've all had it.  For some reason liquor tends to open up a can of worms (or words) that just can't be shut.  People under the influence tend to just say and do the utmost stupidest things they can "think" of.  But do the words you say in a drunken stupor always speak some type of truth?  The old saying goes, "Drunken Words, Speak Sober Thoughts".  But is that always the case?  In my humble opinion, I think it depends on the person and the situation.  I'm usually a happy drunk so I say things sometimes, that I don't mean just to make people feel better or for entertainment purposes. Then there are the times where I have said or done something's that were due in huge part too being a little buzzed.  Cartwheels for instances. Not a good luck for the drunk.  And then I've also said things in the heat of the moment because I was upset, and wanted the other person to be upset too; yes I can be a bit of an a-hole.

 

An example of using "liquid courage" as a slight boost to do something or say something out of character is Karaoke.  I love to Karaoke, but I can never get up and just belt a few lines in front of strangers or friends.  But give me a Stoli & Red Bull and this girl thinks she's Christina Aguilera performing for Simon Cowell. I AM THE NEXT AMERICAN IDOL!!! More like American Idiot, but I digress.  Another example is once I confessed to an old boss how much I hated my job and if it weren't for her I wouldn't have stayed on for as long as I had.  Yea, can you say, EMBARRASSING!  Then I have examples where I just said something to say it.  For instance, once I was out with a group of girls, one of which had recently broken up with her boyfriend.  Now I did not much care for this person, and knowing her history with others and how bitchy she was, I was actually kind of glad about her break up.  And yes that's a horrible thing to say, but at the moment it's how I felt.  However when she was bitching and crying over this boy, I was totally agreeing with her.  I told her she was a beautiful, smart and a great woman and that anyone would be lucky to have her.  I guess when you're drunk, it's easy to keep a serious face.  I mean, I didn't believe any of what I was saying to her in my real "sober" life, in anyway shape or form.  I was just jumping on the supportive band wagon with the other girls.  But 'til this day, I think, no chick, you're a jerk and that's why you got dumped. AND YOU'RE NOT CUTE.  Again, not the nicest thing to think, but the girl was just... she just wasn't nice. I guess its a "you had to be there" kind of thing.

 

Now while I'm a happy little drunk, as I mentioned previously, I do have a tendency to unleash verbal assults on people, if I'm angered by something or someone...Side Note: Drinking while being very emotional, does not make for a happy person... Recently while out, I got into an argument with a friend.  Now this person really didn't say anything horrible to upset me, but I did take some words from our conversation out of context.  So of course as the night progressed and the free drinks were flowing, words like "I love your makeup!" turned into "Eww, you look like a whore".  So like the glutton for punishment I am, I proceeded to do the old drunk text (similar to the drunk dial. Oh technology, how you've helped us in our crusade to make bigger fools of ourselves than we ever have before. Because now our drunken words are SAVED! What Joy. What Bliss. What HORROR!).  In the midst of my exorcism moment I said things there were cruel, nasty and just plain silly.  So because I was in a mood, I thought, why the hell not, you be in a mood too!  And in actuality, my "angry" mood was due to my own delusions; I'd just made something up in my head for no reason. Hey, what can I say, I'm good at creating stories, hence the blogging. LOL.

 

So I've done both.  I've done things and said things I would probably never say or do because I wasn't brave enough, because of a little booze.  And I've done and said things I wouldn't ever say or do, because I was liquored up and either felt like being a jerk just because, felt like entertaining people or felt like following the crowd.  Again, I think it depends on the person, situation, and maybe just how many drinks you've consumed.  But hey, if we take it a step fruther, maybe liquor brings out a fear or concern you didn't even know you had, and that's where words come from.  But then again, maybe I'm giving booze just a little too much credit.  So what do you think?  Does liquor become a truth serum that helps you reveal your real feelings?  If so, can it be used as an excuse when maybe you've gone too far?  If not, and liquor is just a good time drink, then why do people always act stupid when intoxicated?  Maybe liquor just triggers whatever button at the moment is dying to be pressed in your head, and causes a person to fly off the deep end or do something completely embarrassing, whether they've meant too or not?  I'd love your feedback friends.

 

Happy Blogging All!

They're Dead. Now What?

Being in a relationship, whether its Boyfriend & Girlfriend or Marriage, is a beautiful thing.  The bond between to people who are truly "in love" (sorry, I just threw up in my mouth a little at the "love" part) is something many people don't really get a chance to experience in their life time.  I suppose you could say it's a blessing of sorts, to be able to just focus on one person. Share your secrets, dreams and fantasies with them.  To be completely open with someone, knowing they will never judge you, and will always support you.  So with such a special and powerful gift like this, what is one to do when that person who makes there life worth while, is no longer there?  I'm single now, but when I have been in a relationship (long term of course) I've always had this morbid need to ask the person I'm seeing how long they would wait to begin dating if I died the next day.  I'd like to think I'm so fabulous that no one would never be able to compare to me.  Therefore leaving my poor significant other left to life of solitude, until he sees me again in the great beyond.  What? Too much you say.  Okay, so maybe if we're just dating he can move on... I guess.   But what about if we're married?  Can I be demanding about the "move on" situation then?

 

So how long do you think a spouse should wait before moving on?  Should they move on at all?  And what if there are children involved.  Should this new person be called mommy/daddy 2?  Or should they wait until those children are of an age where they can take care of themselves, to start getting their groove back again?  I know it's selfish to say, "Well if I'm dead, you shouldn't want to be with anyone ever again."  Because lets face it, no one wants to be alone forever, no matter what loner personality they have.  But it hurts to think that after such a beautiful relationship, they could even consider finding someone else to pick up the pieces.  So yes, I'd love to think no one will come after me, but the chances of that being a reality are about none.  So what I would expect as a compromise is for my picture to hang all around on dressers, walls, etc, voice recordings of yours truly to play throughout the house, and for you to wear my ashes around your neck.  I mean, come on, I don't think that's too much to ask... Right?... Alright, I went a little creepy psycho gal there for a moment.  But in all honestly, I'd like for the person to at least remember me and not throw me to the wind when the next best thing comes along. 

 

I guess depending how long you were together, should help you gage how long you should mourn.  For example, if you were dating for a year, then you should wait 4 years. LOL.  Okay, maybe that's too much, but you know what I mean.  You have to give it enough time to not only show respect to the deceased, but to show respect to that relationship.  Plus, show respect to the next person coming in.  I don't know how comfortable I would be dating someone who tells me there girlfriend/wife just died two months ago.  I'd wonder if they're over it, or if they were ever "on it" to begin with.  Now I have tons of readers who are not only in relationships, but also married, so I'd love to hear your input on this. Come on! Inquiring minds really wanna know! 

Happy Blogging All!!

Monday Grievances: Office Bathroom Etiquette

****Ladies Bathroom Etiquette****

Everyday we deal with disgusting things. The subway, the buses, sneezing children (and even adults), coughing, burping, BO in the Summer time, etc.  Obviously the list goes on and on.  One of the few places you would appreciate having some sort of peace, as close to your own home, is at work.  Lets face it many of us spend 40 or more hours here, so you'd like to feel comfortable.  Unfortunately, in our society, we deal with lots of dirty little people who don't seem to have the same idea that cleanliness is close to godliness. Now if you want to keep your area messy, who cares. But when you infect community space with your filth, like the office bathrooms, then we have issues.  Here's a list of things that bug me and millions of other people in the world, about little dirty pests like you! And YOU, know who YOU are.

• "If you sprinkle, when you tinkle, clean it up!"  I got that quote from a sign that was posted in the bathroom at my last job.  Now that sign meant nothing to the gross women there, but it had a point nonetheless.  I get it, no one likes to sit on the toilet, so you hover over it; I do it too.  But come on, you have to know that little droplets will splash back from the water, if not from your own stream.   And I know you see these little spots on the seat when you flush.  I mean are you telling me you move backwards to flush the toilet, so you don't have to see your dirty little deed? I think not. This ESPECIALLY applies if aunt flo is in town (and we're gonna get to her too).  I do not want to walk in and see what appears to be some kind of massacre on the seat.  Wipe up your messes, little Miss Nasty.
• Courtesy Flush (I can't stress this enough).  Lets face it sometimes you just gotta go. And to say that you've never gone #2 at work, is just crazy.  Stop your lies because I can see your nose growing from here.  There's nothing to be ashamed of, 'cause when you gotta go, you gotta go.  But for the love of all that is good and holy, think of your neighbors. You poo, you flush. You poo, you flush. Are you saying this out loud? You should be.  Do you like walking into a bathroom and immediately tasting someone's funk? I didn't think so. So do the courteous thing, and flush after every poo.
• Flush! While we're on the subject of "flushing" and being "courteous", it would be awesome, if people would flush altogether.  I can't tell you how many times I've walked into a stall and immediately walked out because someone left what appears to be a baby arm in the toilet.  Please don't say you forgot, because that's just ridiculous. I can't imagine you're pulling up your pants with your eyes closed and listening to your IPod at the same time.  Turn around, look, flush.  And if it doesn't go down after the first flush, do it again. Its not rocket science, so stop making shit complicated... See what I did there. LOL
• Spray. Many of us have the luxury of our companies supplying the bathroom with a air freshener.  USE IT!  Take it in with you and spray while you poo.  Or if you're nervous people will recognize your shoes and the spray next to it, then see bullet point #2 "poo, flush" and when you get out,  spray.  I mean its not just for us.  I don't care what anyone says, I'm sure your own aroma doesn't intrigue you that much.  And if it does, seek help sicko.
• Aunt Flo. Oh yes, our favorite monthly visitor.  We (as in ladies) all get her, or have gotten her, and know the hassle of running to the bathroom and taking an extra 5 minutes more in the stall prepping our "adult diapers".  Now I can't possibly believe that when you're at home, you just throw the wrappers on the floor or try to flush pads down the toilet.  And why don't you do that? Because 1. you don't (I would assume) want to live in a pigsty and 2. because you know it will clog the toilet.  So, why in the name of Christmas! would you do that at work?  This is not the bathroom at Orchard Beach, where some people just don't give a rats ass.  This is where you work. You probably spend more time at your job than you do in your own home.  So stop throwing shit all over the floor, because in about 97 percent (I'm making that percentage up) of work bathrooms there is a little "sanitary napkin" canister thingy (you know what I'm talking about) where you can easily throw away your wrappers and other unmentionables.  THAT'S WHY IT'S THERE!  Stop flushing things you know damn well will not flush and then leaving it there for the next unsuspecting victim that comes in after you, to find. Ugh, freaking cochinas!
• Wash your hands. What is so hard about walking to the sink, putting a dab of soap on your hands and washing them.  Its absolutely disgusting to see women, especially in their 30s, 40s and so on, walk out of a stall, look at themselves in the mirror and then leave.  Even if i just go in the stall to pick a wedgie, I wash my hands.  Wash your hands you dirty dirty hamster or don't complain that you have to do Carol's work because she called out sick.  If you weren't so filthy, you wouldn't have that issue.  ALSO, I need to emphasize on that soap part.  Just because you put water on your hands, doesn't mean their clean.  It's washing your hands, not calculus. Again, stop making things so difficult.
• Sink Clean Up. When you do wash your hands (and believe me I thank you for that) do us the favor and don't create a pool fit for Smurfs to drown in, around the sink.  I mean are you taking a bath or washing your hands?  I've seen people splash around the sink as if they're washing dishes and creating a mess.  Then when it's your turn to wash your hands, your shirt and pants are now soaked.  Again we appreciate the effort, but take it down a notch.  And while we're at it, keep the water in the sink.  I shouldn't come out of the stall and start slippin' and slidin' all over the place.
• GET OUT.  If you're done using the bathroom and someone is in there, and you can tell (don't say you can't) they're trying to go numero dos, GET OUT!  Its not time to brush your hair, adjust your makeup, wash your fruit (yes this has happened to me!), cry about why daddy didn't love you, etc.  Everyone knows when you go to the last stall, it's serious "potty" time.  And what further gives it away that someone is trying get rid of breakfast or lunch, is that that person doesn't make a peep!  Literally they are like statues, where you have to think, "Is someone really in there?" They don't breathe, they don't move, I'm not even sure they're blinking.  Obviously they need to go and are trying to be courteous to you by not engulfing you in there fumes.  So be kind back and leave once you're done.
• Social Hour? I get it, an hour at lunch is just not enough time to gossip about your other co-workers and nonsense.  However, the bathroom isn't really the most appropriate place to have coffee talk.  I for example, can be a "pee-shy".  So I really don't feel like hovering over the toilet for more than 5 minutes waiting for you to finish complaining about your boss and how much you hate him.  If I wanted to do squats, I'd go to the gym.  Furthermore, it's also not a phone booth.  I don't care that cousin Becky is pregnant again and she's only 17.  Take it outside, so I can use the bathroom in peace.  If I wanted entertainment, I'd bring a book.  And If you were meant to talk there, they'd set up couches and not stalls with toilets...  Continuing with this, don't start a conversations with someone using the bathroom either. Now is not the time to talk about Gary's Powerpoint presentation.  It's just weird.
• Paper Jam.  If you see someone walking out of the stall with tissue or whatever on their shoe, please tell them.  That may be you one day, and I'm sure no one wants that image of themselves left with anyone.

Now obviously this is from my point of view; the point of view of a woman.  I don't know what's going on in the men's room.  And though I'd like to believe we're less "messy", something tells me men don't have HALF the problems we do.  So stop being dirty little pigs and start being ladies!


Happy Blogging!

 

Semi Wordless Wednesday

This, dear friends, is a "full" 99 cent bag of Doritos.  I had just opened it, and that's what I got.  No I didn't have one or a few and then take the photo; this is how it came.  All I want to know is...WHERE THE HELL ARE THE REST OF MY CHIPS??!!