Friday, November 18, 2011

The Hungry Brat


So all week I've been trying to eat really well.  I've had whole grain cereal, low fat peanut butter on toast, salads, grilled chicken and only one big meal (usually my lunch).  Most importantly, I cut off soda.  Let us take a moment to mourn the loss of my delicious fizzling friend, Coca-Cola. . . .  Okay, so anyway the point is I've been doing well.  I even worked out twice this week.  Shut up, yes, that's a lot!  So yesterday morning I woke up late, causing me to be late for work.  When I finally arrived, it was straight to work, which means I didn't eat breakfast right away; I had to wait until 10:15.  When you're hungry, you notice things like exact time.  So at around 12 I started feeling a little hungry and had a nature valley bar and a cup of tea; my snack.  I then realized that I had my Health Benefits meeting at 1:30 so I would have to wait until after to get my lunch.  Which was fine, because the bar and tea would hold me over. I mean, how long could that meeting take?  -_-

On to the Health Benefits meeting. Oh yes, where people ask the most asinine questions you can possibly imagine, and ask it TWICE!  Now while I'll admit, if you're not an HR person, there may be some things you don't understand right off.  However, some of these questions were just absolutely ridiculous.  For example: "So if I don't use the FSA account and it doesn't roll over into next year, what happens to the money?"  Umm you lose it?  I don't even use FSA and I know this!  Anyway, the meeting ran for an hour and a half! I have never ever ever been in a Enrollment meeting for that long; 20/25 minutes tops!  Of course by this time my stomach had begun growling and hunger had set in.  And along with hunger comes irritability and annoyance.  My hunger is a lot like PMS - sorry guys, but it is - which basically means don't fuck with me.  Yea, I cursed, because when I get hungry I get a potty mouth... Okay, I always have a potty mouth, whatever.  So when this meeting was done, I literally bolted and went to Subway.  I decided against my normal tuna order since I was so hungry and got the Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki, toasted.  Freakin' yummy, right.  I get back to my desk, am about to sit down, when all of a sudden they tell me we have a meeting.  You're joking right?  1. That wasn't on my calendar. 2. I just got my lunch. 3. Why am I surprised? Of course that would happen the day I get a HOT sandwich.  So I go off into the meeting with a trompa face, obviously, because I'm a brat and everyone should know.  During this meeting of course EVERYONE had to speak, except our team.  See we weren't informed of the meeting because our boss wasn't going to be there and therefore, we wouldn't really be needed.  But since the VP was there, we couldn't really just leave during it.  And I wasn't going to be the fluffy chick who brings her food to the meeting and stuffs her face in front of a crowd.  I have manners...sometimes.

Thankfully it was only 20 minutes of my life, but that was still 20 minutes of my lunch time loss.  And while the meeting was taking place and "important things" being discussed, all I kept thinking was, "I don't even want the damn sandwich anymore. I'm throwing it out. It's going to be cold and soggy." I told you, I'm a Hungry Brat!  When the meeting was over at 3:20 (again, fluffy people pay attention to time in matters of the belly), again, I BOLTED to my desk.  At this point if someone even asked me a question they were either getting the silent treatment or a sarcastic response.  I sat down and of course someone did try to say something, I'm not even sure who.  I just threw up my hands like "STOP. CEASE. DESIST. DO NOT APPROACH ME FOOL, I AM HUNGRY."   Whoever it was, obviously understood this and stopped talking.  Good for them.  Unfortunately someone did not get this.  See at this point, I remember, "Oh! We have a 3:40 fire drill today which means I now have to inhale my food. Lovely!"  While this may seem like a good thing, because who wouldn't want to shovel in food when they're hungry, it's not.  I get very gassy (as in burpy, relax) when I eat fast.  So while I'm eating like this is the only food I've seen since '89, my new co-worker, God Bless her, asks me a question:

New Girl: Oh good, you're eating.
Me: :: Blank stare towards computer screen. No answer::
New Girl: I'm trying to get this stuff done before the drill.
Me: :: Stuffing face, continued blank stare towards computer screen. No answer::
New Girl: They alert us when it's time for the fire drill, right?
Me: Yea
New Girl: Like an alarm or something?
Me: No, they come by and set your desk on fire.

Hey you ask me silly questions, AND while I'm hungry, you're gonna get silly answers.  Thankfully she's a good sport and laughed.  I finally finished with 5 minutes to spare, and there goes the alarm.  About 5 to 10 minutes of this guy talking, and all I'm thinking is, "Please don't burp. Please don't burp."  Oh did I mention I'm standing right next to the VP?!  And of course when we're dismissed, she and I walk side by side and she asks me a question!  Right as I was going to answer, I feel it.  I'm about to burp.  Are you flipping kidding?!  Thankfully someone tapped her and she turned and I let our that silent burp, where you blow in the opposite direction of the person you're with and hope to God an odor doesn't linger.  Well while I was having my burp crisis in private, she kept talking and so I kept walking.  Lets just say it wasn't the best day I've had this week.  Oh, and of course I got home and wasn't hungry since I ate so late.  AND of course I would start to get hungry at 10 o'clock at night.

In matters of the belly, Fluffy Girl - 0 and Universe - 1.  

Happy....EATING all!

1 comment:

  1. The side burp? C-L-A-S-S-Y . BTW I think you and I need to form a fluffy girl club to deal with Universe....she's getting the best of us.