Friday, November 25, 2011

Random Thoughts by Me

One of my favorite chocolate treats is a Hersey Bar with Almonds.  It's that one piece of chocolatey goodness that no matter what my sweet tooth is craving, hits the spot.  And while it may seem bizarre to you, I have a special way in which I pick my little piece of chocolate heaven.  See, whenever I purchase one of these delicious decadent treats, I sort of... well I... I molest the bar before deciding.  Listen, the ratio of almonds to chocolate has to be as even as possible; there MUST be an adequate amount of almonds in this bar.  I mean come on, if I wanted just the chocolate, I'd get the plain one.  Anyway, the other day I bought one and did my normal "feel up the candy" routine.  Touching it from the top of the bar, to the bottom, making sure there a good ratio.  After feeling up about 4 of these, to my delight there was almonds all over my last choice and it brought such a smile to my face.  There's nothing worse than getting a bar with one half having a bunch of almonds and the other one either having 1 almond, or worse, NONE!

I finished up shopping and went to the register.  As the cashier was ringing up my items, she got to the Hershey bar and it wasn't ringing up.  She tried it about 3 times, before she finally asked me to get her another one so that she could get the price... If you don't know where I'm going with this, you obviously are not a fellow fluffy or you don't appreciate sweets in the way that I do... Once she got the price, she packed my stuff and I was on my way.  Later in the day when I had a hankering for something sweet, I immediately went to my little prize.  Only I was actually in for a surprise.  After all my "hard work" of searching for the right chocolate bar, I found that she had switched the bars on me! So now I ended up with a bar that not only wasn't near as good as the one I had originally chosen, it only had one side with almonds!!!  -_-

While you may think I'm over exaggerating, I know someone out there will feel my pain.  And in case you missed my last blog, I don't like when my "food" is messed with.  It just makes me angry.   I know one of you out there has to relate.  Don't lie, it's okay, we're all friends here; a no-judgement free zone.  Well, most of the time...  And PLEASE before I get someone saying there are people are starving all over the world, blah blah blah.  Trust me, I do my share of donating food and clothes to the needy, so you can keep your preaching to yourselves. :)

So now it's, Universe-2 and Fluffy Girl-0.  The universe and I are about to experience some SERIOUS issues.

Happy Blogging All!

P.S. Hope you all enjoyed a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Random Thoughts by Me: Spandex Gone Wrong!

Okay, normally this is something I would just show to friends and make my smart ass comments and leave it at that.  However, I had to share this, because it seems to be turning into an epidemic.  

Why is leaving the house knowing you have HOLES in any of your clothing, especially pants and near the butt or crotch area, okay?  "Maybe she didn't know."  Oh yes, she did, because when one of the girls working in the store told her about the holes, she said, "oh yea I know", as if there was nothing wrong with it, smiling away and like she was surprised that the girl would even bring it up.  Ummm, there is something wrong with it!  She also had one on the inner thigh that I noticed when she went to sit down to try on shoes.  And before you ask me why I was so up in her stuff.  Well she put it out there and I was so surprised that a woman would walk out like this, I couldn't help but stare at her.  And this isn't the first time I've seen this, and on a fluffy girl!  See, this is why my fluffy ladies, of all sizes, get criticized for wearing spandex, stretchies, tights, etc.  This is right up there with the ladies that wear stockings and pretend that they're spandex pants.  Umm I see your red hearts thong when you bend over; they're NOT spandex.  I've never seen a skinny minny girl walk out of the house with holes in her tights!  And by the way, while they may appear small in this photo, they weren't.  At least if you're going to do this, wear a shirt long enough to hide the holes!  I truly do not understand some women and how they choose to leave the house.  

Am I alone in this ladies? Sound off, PLEASE!

Happy Blogging All!.... And check your clothes before you leave the house! :)

Friday, November 18, 2011

The Hungry Brat


So all week I've been trying to eat really well.  I've had whole grain cereal, low fat peanut butter on toast, salads, grilled chicken and only one big meal (usually my lunch).  Most importantly, I cut off soda.  Let us take a moment to mourn the loss of my delicious fizzling friend, Coca-Cola. . . .  Okay, so anyway the point is I've been doing well.  I even worked out twice this week.  Shut up, yes, that's a lot!  So yesterday morning I woke up late, causing me to be late for work.  When I finally arrived, it was straight to work, which means I didn't eat breakfast right away; I had to wait until 10:15.  When you're hungry, you notice things like exact time.  So at around 12 I started feeling a little hungry and had a nature valley bar and a cup of tea; my snack.  I then realized that I had my Health Benefits meeting at 1:30 so I would have to wait until after to get my lunch.  Which was fine, because the bar and tea would hold me over. I mean, how long could that meeting take?  -_-

On to the Health Benefits meeting. Oh yes, where people ask the most asinine questions you can possibly imagine, and ask it TWICE!  Now while I'll admit, if you're not an HR person, there may be some things you don't understand right off.  However, some of these questions were just absolutely ridiculous.  For example: "So if I don't use the FSA account and it doesn't roll over into next year, what happens to the money?"  Umm you lose it?  I don't even use FSA and I know this!  Anyway, the meeting ran for an hour and a half! I have never ever ever been in a Enrollment meeting for that long; 20/25 minutes tops!  Of course by this time my stomach had begun growling and hunger had set in.  And along with hunger comes irritability and annoyance.  My hunger is a lot like PMS - sorry guys, but it is - which basically means don't fuck with me.  Yea, I cursed, because when I get hungry I get a potty mouth... Okay, I always have a potty mouth, whatever.  So when this meeting was done, I literally bolted and went to Subway.  I decided against my normal tuna order since I was so hungry and got the Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki, toasted.  Freakin' yummy, right.  I get back to my desk, am about to sit down, when all of a sudden they tell me we have a meeting.  You're joking right?  1. That wasn't on my calendar. 2. I just got my lunch. 3. Why am I surprised? Of course that would happen the day I get a HOT sandwich.  So I go off into the meeting with a trompa face, obviously, because I'm a brat and everyone should know.  During this meeting of course EVERYONE had to speak, except our team.  See we weren't informed of the meeting because our boss wasn't going to be there and therefore, we wouldn't really be needed.  But since the VP was there, we couldn't really just leave during it.  And I wasn't going to be the fluffy chick who brings her food to the meeting and stuffs her face in front of a crowd.  I have manners...sometimes.

Thankfully it was only 20 minutes of my life, but that was still 20 minutes of my lunch time loss.  And while the meeting was taking place and "important things" being discussed, all I kept thinking was, "I don't even want the damn sandwich anymore. I'm throwing it out. It's going to be cold and soggy." I told you, I'm a Hungry Brat!  When the meeting was over at 3:20 (again, fluffy people pay attention to time in matters of the belly), again, I BOLTED to my desk.  At this point if someone even asked me a question they were either getting the silent treatment or a sarcastic response.  I sat down and of course someone did try to say something, I'm not even sure who.  I just threw up my hands like "STOP. CEASE. DESIST. DO NOT APPROACH ME FOOL, I AM HUNGRY."   Whoever it was, obviously understood this and stopped talking.  Good for them.  Unfortunately someone did not get this.  See at this point, I remember, "Oh! We have a 3:40 fire drill today which means I now have to inhale my food. Lovely!"  While this may seem like a good thing, because who wouldn't want to shovel in food when they're hungry, it's not.  I get very gassy (as in burpy, relax) when I eat fast.  So while I'm eating like this is the only food I've seen since '89, my new co-worker, God Bless her, asks me a question:

New Girl: Oh good, you're eating.
Me: :: Blank stare towards computer screen. No answer::
New Girl: I'm trying to get this stuff done before the drill.
Me: :: Stuffing face, continued blank stare towards computer screen. No answer::
New Girl: They alert us when it's time for the fire drill, right?
Me: Yea
New Girl: Like an alarm or something?
Me: No, they come by and set your desk on fire.

Hey you ask me silly questions, AND while I'm hungry, you're gonna get silly answers.  Thankfully she's a good sport and laughed.  I finally finished with 5 minutes to spare, and there goes the alarm.  About 5 to 10 minutes of this guy talking, and all I'm thinking is, "Please don't burp. Please don't burp."  Oh did I mention I'm standing right next to the VP?!  And of course when we're dismissed, she and I walk side by side and she asks me a question!  Right as I was going to answer, I feel it.  I'm about to burp.  Are you flipping kidding?!  Thankfully someone tapped her and she turned and I let our that silent burp, where you blow in the opposite direction of the person you're with and hope to God an odor doesn't linger.  Well while I was having my burp crisis in private, she kept talking and so I kept walking.  Lets just say it wasn't the best day I've had this week.  Oh, and of course I got home and wasn't hungry since I ate so late.  AND of course I would start to get hungry at 10 o'clock at night.

In matters of the belly, Fluffy Girl - 0 and Universe - 1.  

Happy....EATING all!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Semi Wordless Wednesday: My Great Grandparents

These are my Great Grandparents on their 50th Wedding Anniversary in Puerto Rico, July 1983.  With all the dating talk going on, I've started thinking a lot.  Wonder if I'll ever have a 50th Anniversary. 

Monday, November 14, 2011

Monday Grievances: The Sick Get Sicker

Well it was a long and shitty 4 day weekend.  I worked from home on Thursday and had off Friday, then Saturday and Sunday came along, and now it's Monday.  And guess what I did???? NOT A DAMN THING! I had made plans on Friday, and besides my friend canceling on me, I got sick.  Then Saturday I was set to go out with my cousin, but she had to cancel because she was sick.  I was going to head to a friends daughter's birthday party, and surprise her, but I started coming down with something.  I felt really nauseous during the day and suddenly my stomach broke out into one massive hive and I was scratching like a homeless person with fleas.  After reading the side effects of my RA medication, I found that it was an allergic reaction caused by the medicine.  I'd totally understand getting a reaction, makes perfect sense.  HOWEVER, I've been shooting myself up with this crap for 2 months! Noooooow, during my long weekend, my body suddenly decides, "Ewww what's this? Gross; Breakout!".  Why would this happen?  Oh that's right, because it's me, and I'm Murphy!  So I spent the day napping and doing laundry in between.

Sunday comes along and I slept all morning and missed Church for the 3rd week in a row.  I'm a horrible Catholic at this point.  I ate breakfast, got sick again and was itchy again.  At one point I took a brush to this itch, and I'm not ashamed to say that I scratch my stomach until it was red and almost bleeding.  It was like I had orgasmed; it felt amazing!  Anyway, later I sat here depressing myself while watching My Fair Wedding.  Seriously, any single woman watching that should be put on Suicide watch.  Not the show to watch when you're feeling like crap.  I should have been having Brunch with a friend, but I assume she forgot, since I never heard from her.  Which while I was pissed off at first, I chalked it up to it being for the best.  I was miserable and I was ready to take everyone down with me.  Because yes, misery loves company, and I revel in it.  So here it is Monday, and I also took today off, and still have nothing to do.  I'm totally having a Maxine moment, where I just don't give a.... Oh shit, I just remembered I still have clothes in the dryer from Saturday night. Whoops.  Oh well, here's hoping this week will go smoothly since I was able to hide out in my bubble today.  

So, how did you enjoy your weekend???

Happy Blogging All!!! 

Friday, November 11, 2011

If That's What's Left, I'm Screwed...

The other day I was talking with a few of my girlfriends about dating.  Yes, dating, what a weird concept, I know.  It seems nowadays dating isn't anything more than going out to the movies or dinner, and then being expected to give up the goods that night.  I guess that makes a good relationship.  Anyway, we questioned what happened to the days of wining and dining.  And it's not like we're talking about fancy restaurants and expensive Broadway shows for a first date, but something that shows you're interesting in more than a roll in the hay.  Now if that's what you're looking for, that's fine, to each his/her own.  But I'm sure, or at least I'm hoping, that that is something that is discussed before hand.  I know I'm looking for a real relationship, and I know the type of person I want it with and the type of person I don't.  So why is it that even though a man will know you're looking for more than what they're offering, will they "pretend" that they want the same thing?  I won't put the blame completely on the man, so relax gentleman.  Because ladies we should know better too.  However, if someone tells you (for example)  "I want the blue car", why would you say "Sure the blue car is available" when in fact only car left on the light is some crappy white car one?  I hope my analogy didn't throw anyone off; I'm trying to connect to the men and women here.

So I went on a dating website and set up a profile.  If you know me, you know that I've done the online dating thing a few times.  One of which I was engaged too, but that's a different story for a different day.  So I'm sort of an old pro at these sites.  Anyway, I set up the profile and wrote out what I'm looking for and not, and BAM about 45 men had either looked at the profile or written.  When I tell you I was simply appalled by the responses, I'm downplaying my disgust.  I had specifically said please do not contact me if you're over the age of 35.  I had 50 year old men contacting me. I do not want to feel like I'm dating my uncle or my father, so that really creeps me out!  I had also asked that if you have children, to be aware that I am really not fond of them, nor do I intend on having any.  I had 5 fathers, who either didn't read the profile or didn't care, ask me out for this weekend! I shit you not.  You know nothing about me, and you want to go on a date that quickly?  And I had also mentioned how I'm big on Reality TV and Gossip, because I find it extremely funny and entertaining.  One guy had actually written in his profile that he was looking for a girl not into pop culture. HELLO???? Are you even reading what women are writing?  Or are you just that eager to either meet and/or bang a woman, that ya just don't give a rats ass.  And I'd like to see it must be my stunning good looks that got them, but no.  I didn't even put up a photo yet!

Oh and the photos, dear God, the photos!! One guy was doing the signature GIRL pose, where the lips are pursed out.  And for some godforsaken reason he had lip gloss on!!  His lips were soooo shiny, I was blinded, and yet a little drawn in. I wonder if he got that gloss at MAC.  And then you have the guy who has 3 guys in the photo, so you're playing the guessing game on which one is the fella you're interested in.  Or the guy who takes photos with sunglasses on.  I think that one is self explanatory.  There's also the guy who takes all his photos 40 ft away from the camera.  Are you a ghost? I don't get it.  And then finally, and I'd like to know why, many of the men had hats on.  Now I have this thing with my girlfriends called, "Hat Syndrome."  What is Hat Syndrome?  Well it's when a guy looks really hot and sexy with a hat on. Something about him is a little dark and mysterious; he just looks good.  And then he takes the hat off and it's like the boggie man from your childhood has just reemerged. He went from looking like Joe Manganiello to Steve Buscemi all with the removal of a hat.  And while I don't want to say all relationships/dating/whatever is based solely on looks; cause lord knows it's NOT.  You do have to have some type of attraction to the person, physically, for things to at least get off the ground.  Don't you?

So I'm not beating up on men here, I'm sure women have their share of stupid things they say or do on dating sites. HOWEVER I am a woman, so I'm going to obviously come from a woman's point of view.  So tell me is dating just a dying fad?  Do people just jump into relationship and not get to know each other? Or are people just banging each other like rabbits, and okay with that?  I once had a guy tell me he wouldn't settle down until maybe he was 40.  My uncle also told me that he didn't realize what he wanted until he was 38.  So is that what awaits women who are ready to be in relationships now? Date your "dad" or wait until the man of your dreams (or so to speak) is ready when your eggs are dried up and gone?  What do you think my dear blog readers/friends?

Happy Blogging All!

P.S. For the "Anonymous" Blogger Gangster who wrote the "These blogs suck..." on my last blog, Thank you!!!!!!  You my dear, are exactly why I will keep writing. :)

Monday, November 7, 2011

Random Thoughts by Me

It doesn't matter if it's Summer or Winter, there is always some douchebag that lowers their car windows and blast whatever god awful music their listening to, out for everyone to hear.  And they don't care if it's 6pm or 8am or even 2am, they'll do it without a care.  On so many of these occasions I have fantasized about following these people home, waiting for them to fall fast asleep and then breaking into their home with a huge bucket of ice cold water and throwing it on them while they sleep.  All while blasting, from my own horribly unique vocal chords, whatever song it was that they were playing, that annoyed me.  Please, if you do this, answer me this question. WHY???? What makes you think this is not only cool to do, but that people want to hear your shitty taste in music?  Do you not realize that we can hear it?  Or are you just that big of a piece of shit that you just don't give a flying fuck.  I'm writing this now, and yes in anger, because some A-Hole is blasting music from 1995 outside, and it's not even good music!!!!  And this ladies and gentleman is why you should all be grateful that carrying guns is not legal.  And no, not to kill anyone. Calm down you nuts! Just to shoot out some tires or a radio here and there. :)

Happy Blogging All!

*This was written on 11/6/11 at 9p while trying to watch Housewives Atlanta. Hence my anger. :)

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Semi Wordless Wednesday

Grandma's new "Life Alert" system

1. Grams new little "help" system is stationed in my room since my room hosts the main phone line. But please tell me how's she suppose to get it if she needs it immediately?  Crawl over here on her knees? How exactly does that work?

2. What happens when I come home "happy" one evening and knock this thing over, pressing on the help button, and then laying there unconscious, breathing heavily and drooling?  These people are going to think she's having a heart attack.

Happy Blogging All!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Oh, I Guess You're Just That Tired. Pfff

As you all know, I ride the subway everyday, to and from work.  So most of my life and all it's crazy occurrences, happen while I'm in that steel trap, and today was no different.  On my way home, the train was packed as usual so I tried squeezing myself in where ever I could.  I finally positioned myself and grab the bars next to the seats near the door.  Suddenly I feel something and then nothing, then something and then nothing again.  I look and its some woman's hand, moving back and forth. It was as if her hands had add, because they just kept sliding towards mine and bouncing off.  Someone I don't know, touching me in any way, especially skin to skin, disgusts me!  One of the reasons I truly hate the train, because there you don't have a choice sometimes if people get that close.  So I finally move over and I'm holding onto one of the poles in the middle.  Again, I start to feel something on my hand, then nothing, and then something and then nothing again.  And again it's someone's fucking hand!!!  Please tell me how lazy can you possibly be that you can't hold up your own damn hand.  Have your hands been that busy today that you can't keep them up?  Do they weight that much?  No? Then why the hell are you touching me???  I had such an urge to take my hand, rub it on my fun box, sneeze and cough all over it and then put it back on the pole and yell, "You want to lean on my hand now?!" I don't know where the hell your hand have been and you have no clue where mine have been.  I don't even want to hold on to that germ ridden pole, but I'm forced to so that I don't go flying into my death when the train decides to make a sudden stop.  Why in the hell do people do this?

Another issue, and I experienced it today, is people leaning on the pole.  Okay, when there's no one around, sure lean on it. Hell I could careless if you hump it or make love to it.  However, unless you're a stripper who's extremely dedicated and attached to his/her job, there is NO REASON FOR YOU TO LEAN ON THE POLE! When the train is packed, get the fuck off and stop being a lazy bastard.  But by far the worse thing, is to start leaning on the pole when someone is already holding on, is absolutely ridiculous and disrespectful.  I got a dirty look from some man today because that's exactly what he did to me and another woman.  He started to lean on our hands as if our hands were just decorations on the pole, or worse, weren't even there.  So I stuck my finger out to poke him in the back and jabbed until he moved.  He then leans off, looks at me and rolls his eyes.  Excuse me??  Am the asshole here?  I'm sorry, but please tell me, are other people just invisible to you?  Or are you just that much of a jerk off that you don't see the issue with leaning on someone's arm or hand.  Why don't I just get some lotion and give you a damn back massage, you look tired.  I can't believe the complete rudeness of people.  I rolled my eyes right back at him and the other woman started to laugh saying she was about to do the same thing.  The nerve of some of these passengers just amazes me.  I know New York is full of rude people, I can be one of them from time to time, but to just be flat out disrespectful, is on a whole new level of rude.

So am I the only one that experiences these issues and gets enraged by them?  Please share and let me know how you handle it.  I'm open for advice, because I'm about to start boarding the train with me, I have other reasons as to why those weapons will come in handy. :)

Happy Blogging All!