Monday, September 10, 2012

Let's Get Over Ourselves, Please.

I find it hard to understand how people can make any situation, no matter how big or small, somehow about them.

Woman 1: "I'm having a birthday party and I can't wait to see everyone."
Woman 2: "Wait. Is Sarah going? If she's going, I'm not!"

It seems nowadays, people can't have or enjoy something nice for themselves, without someone coming to steal their thunder or make it about them. It's as if they have this psychotic notion that all the decisions people make should be run by them, at least once for approval. Well surprise, surprise, life suckers, that is NOT real life.  So, I bring up this topic because of a situation a friend of mine recently went through, and something I've gone through, recently, myself.

A friend of mine, we'll call her Veronica, had sent out an invite to her housewarming party.  As soon as the invite went out, she received a text from a friend letting her know that it was likely she would not attend because someone else was going.  She continued that she had no idea that Veronica and this person were really that close, and that Veronica should have really thought about inviting this other girl and her.  Apparently these ladies had a bit of a history, something that Veronica really didn't know, nor wanted to get involved with.  And why should she?  She just wanted people who she cares about and have been with her on the journey to get a new home, to enjoy the experience with her.  A fun and exciting adventure for my friend, was now being overshadowed by something so trivial. And yes, these ladies are in their 30's.  Veronica told her that it would be up to her if she attended, but she understood if she didn't.  She was very upset about it, and I was just pissed off for her.  How dare this girl make it about her?  This is Veronica's event, and she has no issues with you or the other girl, so why make it such a big deal.  You must feel guilty about something, and are now trying to convince others to see your point of view, so that you can save face.  Well I'm sorry, but that is your cross to bear, not hers!

Now I bring you to my story.  About two years ago I dated someone who introduced me, as most guys do, to all his friends and family.  I became pretty good friends with one of his female friends, and after he and I broke up, we still remained friends.  Well she became engaged to one of their other friends, and I couldn't have been happier knowing the history of the two and how they got there.  When I heard of their engagement, I was over the moon for them; they deserve it and so much more.  When I spoke to her she had mentioned that she would love to invite me, but that my ex-boyfriend would be uncomfortable, and therefore couldn't.  My first thought wasn't, oh that sucks. No, my first thought was, who's getting married here? Him or you?  I couldn't understand if you really wanted someone to share in your big day, why you would allow someone else to prevent that.  I also couldn't understand that how out of 125 guests, my one person, could make you uncomfortable, especially since he had cheated & broken up with me, and would most likely be there with that person.  Now me, never letting things go, eventually called him and asked him what the issue was that he had with me, and we "cleared" the air.  Now while I haven't mentioned this to her, and I won't, it still baffles me that people can have such an effect on others decisions.  I understand that they are truly best friends, and I'm sort of the outsider coming in.  However, when its something special that you want (or say you want), how does someone else's making a mistake, become an issue for you, where you then have to change your plans, to accommodate them. It makes absolutely no sense.

Why people make others such a factor in our decision making, I will never understand.  I've done it in the past, and have decided, as I've gotten older, that it's just not worth it.  If you plan something, and people want to be apart of it, then great.  If they don't, because someone going is going to wear white after Labor Day, and they just can't support that idea, well then I say, with a great big smile, well that's just too bad.  My opinion is, that with all the crap we have to deal with in this world, we should not have to take on others insecurities and garbage.  So let's get over ourselves and realize that there are other people in the world, and that the world itself, does not revolve around us.

Hugs & Kisses Friends,
La Latina Loquita.