Jerks, Crying Children & Crackheads, OH MY!

So it's NYE time and every girl in America is running out to get her hair & nails done, dancing shoes, a cute outfit and the right jewelry so she can party the night away in style.  I bought new shoes.  Don't judge me... 

Aren't they cute?!  Damnit, ignore the black socks; it was helping me to stretch them out.  As you know, I rarely ever wear heels, so I need all the help I can get.

I was pretty much set, except I forgot to get my nails done.  I told myself all week to get them done around my job, but it was a hectic work week and when my boss offered to let me work from home Friday, I jumped at the chance.  So after I was done working at home, I decided I'd venture out into my neighborhood and try and find a salon.  Seems like a small task.  I mean there must be salons on every corner, I live in the South Bronx.  But no my dear readers, not simple at all.  See I live near a shopping area that I'd like to refer to as "The Hell Hole of The Bronx."  I swear every ghetto asshole, men and women alike, must come here for a daily "Lets fuck up someone's day" meeting.  Lord, why didn't anyone stop me.

The Salon! Entrance, right near a bus stop that was difficult to find at first, because of a crowd of people that stood in front of the area where the door was.  After saying excuse me about 4 times, they finally heard me over the screaming children and their own loud laughter.  What they were laughing at, I have no idea. Maybe they knew what was in store for me.  I finally walked into the nail salon (suggested by a friend who I will be punching in the boob later) up the stairs and through the door. Needless to say it was packed.  So I stood there waiting for someone to come up to me and ask what I was there for.  That's how most salons do it.  After 5 minutes of being ignored, I walked over to a table that had two sign in sheets on clip boards.  One for "Nails" and the other for "Mani/Pedi's".  If you're from the BX you already know what the "Nail" sign in sheet means, but for those who don't, let me explain.  If you're there to get acrylic nails, that's the one you sign up for.  And of course if you're from the BX, you know that that list is a mile long.  See in my area, playfully known as "The Ghetto", no one really ever gets just a Mani, that's more of a city thing.  Seriously, go to a Ghetto nail salon, like I did, and ask for a Mani. Then go to a Salon in the City and ask for acrylic nails.  They will both look at you like you have 8 heads.  Anyway, I signed up for a Mani/Pedi and I was lucky (so I thought) because I was the only one on that list.  I walk over and stand by a girl, who's talking on her phone. A moment later I hear her say, "Oh no, there is a roach on the wall in this salon. That is disrespectful."  It's at this moment you're saying to yourself, "And then you left right?"  No, sadly I did not.  I just moved away.  I should've run, but I didn't know where else to go and it was already 2:30.

I had finally found a seat and sat...and sat...and sat.  I waited patiently since the sign said, if you leave and your name is called, you lose your spot and would have to sign up again.  Oh but I saw interesting things while I waited.  

- A sign on the wall I tried to take a picture of (but was caught, so couldn't) that said, "We're not responsible if your child gets injury. No running. No playing on chair. This is not playground".  Yes, that's practically word for word.  

- Kids jumping on chairs next to me and parents cursing at them to "Sit the fuck down and cut the shit." Ahhh parenting, gotta love it.  One kid was crying because her brother told her that her breath stunk.  It did. I smelled as she stood crying/screaming next to me.

- My favorite moment actually had to be the woman sitting in front of me, with her large belly hanging out over her pants, asking her VIETNAMESE nail lady if she had a black belt in Karate.  

- Another girl in her leopard print pajama pants and big fluffy hair, in a color of, I guess you'd call it honey.  But it's clearly not a color found in nature.

- I noticed there were no real places to dry your nails.  You just stand in front of a window and place your hands in, what I can only describe as a hole in the wall.  I also noticed, after I did my toes, that they only had one fan on the floor, from I assume like a Home Depot type store, to dry toenails. Clearly NOT for your feet. 

- Oh and the below photo was my favorite.  I guess people have stolen in the past...

If you can't tell, the chairs are taped together!

So I was there for 45 minutes as people came in and out getting just "nails".  I noticed that one woman had been getting a pedicure since I had gotten there and assumed that must be the only mani/pedi lady.  When she was finally done I heard, whom I assume was the owner, tell the mani/pedi lady, "Oh she's getting pedicure.", but she wasn't pointing at me.  I turned my head and saw a girl getting up about to walk over to the pedi chairs and I knew she had NOT gotten there before me; hello, only person on the list, remember?  I got up and asked the lady, "Excuse me, but how does this mani/pedi list work?  Because I'm the only one on it and she came in after me."  With a roll in her eye, that I wanted to smack right out of her, she told Rosa (that's mani/pedi lady's name) that I'm really next.  FINALLY.  But as soon as Rosa started working on my feet I could just tell, she's just a pedi lady.  I asked during our session who would be doing my mani and she looked terrified and said, "Oh you get mani too?"  I said, "Yes, I signed up for both."  She looked up, again terrified, and said, "I do it."  At this point I didn't even care.

Now while I sat there, I see the girl who was going to take my spot originally, with someone else.  As I'm watching what's going on, Rosa asks if I'd like that as well, and I said no.

What is that you ask? Well it's a well known household appliance makers' new foot sander.  Huh? That well known household appliance maker doesn't make a foot sander?  No, you're kidding.  I swear I could see some of those city girls in there now, just fainting from the utter horror.  Surely this can't be real.  Well guess what folks, it is.  And before I get some Bronxite commenting about that I'm bougie and forgot where I came from, blah blah blah.  I think anyone with common sense would think that what I've mentioned is certainly GHETTO and ridiculous!

Once I was done with my crap mani/pedi, I hightailed it out of there.  I didn't take my frustration out on Rosa because she was really sweet... OH I forgot to mention how the sandblasted feet girl, really came over 5 minutes after I sat down to get my nails done and asked if I was done with the floor fan.  As I was about to say, sure (because I figured they'd dry in the amount of time it'd take her to do my nails anyway) this rude asshole just grabbed it and walked away.  Now don't tell me that's not rude or ghetto.  P.S. Sandblasted Feet Girl, I hope you enjoy the fungus you'll get from walking around in those paper slippers!

Now I know this blog is LONG but I'm not done.  I then went to see if I could find some jewelry for my NYE night.  Surely my experience in The Hub couldn't be 0 for 0.  So I went into 7 clothing stores, 2 had jewelry that was clearly for 15 year olds and 50 year olds trying to be 15 again.  Basically TACKY!  The other stores didn't even have any accessories, which I found weird because don't all clothing stores at least have one rack with some kind of jewelry?  Even Payless sells jewelry!  In one store, as I was going to leave, I said excuse me to a woman, who told me, "No!"  I'm sorry what?!  I say "excuse me", and you say "no".  Okay, so I walked by her and pushed her, and she hit one of the clothing racks and sucked her teeth.  Yes, because I'm in the wrong.  I decided at that point to just cut my loses and go home; walking.  I walked by crackheads arguing. An old man trying to pick me up.  A huge group of 13 year old girls that look older than me, yelling at the top of their lungs about God only knows what.  And a ton of people walking by bumping into me without saying excuse me or sorry or anything.  I stopped at Rite-Aid to pick up somethings and then stood in line near a man who wreaked!!!! of weed.  I'm convinced I'm still high from the contact I caught from him.  Then I picked up food for me and my sister.  While I waited for the food, there was some crazy kid in the place screaming, "I'm about to lose my mind up in here. People think I'm fuckin' playing and shit."  I really wanted to say, "Lose your mind about what? That your pants are hanging off your ass like you're letting people know you're ready for some ass sex? Or losing your mind about the fact that you're probably 16 and have 3 kids already."  I then went home and stuffed my fluffy girl face. 

So the moral of this story is, don't do your nails, shop or get food in the Ghetto unless it's absolutely necessary.  Which in my experience, will never be absolutely necessary.  Next time my sister is doing my nails, I'm wearing moms jewelry and I'm eating a PB&J.  The end. Goodnight!

Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas From Mimi & I!

About to put baby Jesus in the manger...  Yea, I know, I'm super pale.  Don't judge me; it's 2:30am and I'm tired! :)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Video Clip Wednesday!

As many of you know, and if you don't you will now, I sleep with the TV on.  Thanks to a wonderful cousin of mine and her torturing me as a child, I am deathly afraid of the dark.  Now you know all my secrets.  But I'm already digressing and I haven't even started this blog... 

Okay, so a few years ago, about 4 or 5, I used to fall asleep to Nickelodeon/ Nick@Nite...  Now most days I fall asleep to the Hallmark Channel because they air the Golden Girls and I LOVE them...  Anyway, I chose Nick because they always showed Roseanne and another show I can't quite remember; but I really loved watching Rosanne.  Well one day I woke up around 6:30a and of course the TV was on.  Now around this time the channel shifts back to cartoons and whatnot.  So while easing into the transition, as many kids were waking up and turning on the TV, they used to air the below PSA.  Now I don't know what about it caught my attention, and continued to do so for months after, as they played it every morning.  But I freakin' LOVED it just as much as my Roseanne and Golden Girls.  I don't know if it's the fork break dancing in the beginning, or the plate doing the worm or if it's the Spoon saying "Huevos Rancheros".  Whatever it was, I used to wake up solely to make sure I heard this little jingle.  It actually put me in a happy mood and made me crack up all the time; did I mention I really enjoyed the rapping and the beat it has?  Tell me after hearing it you don't sing it a line at least once today.  I hope you enjoy this little trip down memory lane as much as I did when I re-heard it yesterday.

Happy Blogging!

Mimi Hates Me

So this past August my aunt passed away.  She was a wonderful person, really funny and one of those people who would give it to you straight.  One of the things I loved about her was that she was such an animal lover, and had four dogs.  So when she passed away those dogs had to find homes, and we decided to take in Mimi.  Mimi was like my aunts daughter.  As much as she loved all of them, Mimi was the real baby; she took her everywhere and treated her like gold.  I promised my aunt that I would make sure to take care of Mimi as best as she did, if not better; if I could.  That brings us to present day.

Mimi ready for her first Christmas with us. Isn't she adorable! 

My family and I joke about it all the time, but Mimi has some seriously bad breath.  She makes Charlie Tuna jealous of her fishy aroma.  She is also very hairy (she's a Pomeranian) and her nails have gotten quite long, so we needed to have her groomed.  Since we weren't ever able to get her papers, we took her to Petco so that she could get all her shots (she needs the Rabies shot to get groomed) and were hoping that the Vet could give us some feedback on her breath issues.  As the Vet was examining her and giving her the shots, I threw out that she was my aunts dog and that's why I didn't have papers or know her date of birth.  While talking the Vet took one look and said we needed to take her to a real Vet/Dentist to check her out; she had very very very very very bad tarter and possible gum disease.  Cut to this past Saturday.  As I sat there waiting for the Vet to come in, Mimi just kept staring at me like she was saying, "Why am I here?"  God, that face just makes me melt.  The Vet came in and asked questions and once again I let her know that Mimi was previously my aunts dog, and had passed away.  The Vet then did her own examine and as soon as she opened Mimi's mouth, she told me in a thick European accent, "Oh yes, she must have cleaning and extractions."  My mouth dropped. I knew it wasn't good, but EXTRACTIONS?!  She gave me a list of  "worse case scenario", things that they would do, which included a hefty bill.  When she asked me if I had any questions, all I asked was, "Do you do doggie dentures?"  She laughed. I was serious.

So surgery was set for Tuesday, December 6.  I was going insane... Now let me take a moment here to address non-animal lovers and those who just don't understand us that do love them.  We really do treat our animals like people; like our children.  They're defenseless creatures that really come into this world with nothing and without any choice.  Hell the parents have no choice.  I mean the parents don't really think, yea lets have some puppies (they're just horny), while humans can make that choice (we're just stupid).  They only have what we provide them.  If we left them running off in the streets the would probably die or be snatched up by an organization that would put them to sleep.  Yes, I'm dramatic.  So I treat Mimi like she's my daughter. I feed her, buy her clothes, treats/toys, and also spend thousands of dollars on Medical bills.  The only thing I don't do, is claim her on my taxes; and if I could, I definitely would.  So if that isn't being a parent, please enlighten me on what is...  So we get to the Vet bright and early and I swear she knew something was going to go down.  While she is normally a very calm dog, it was like she was trying to crawl into my clothes.  When they finally called our name, she had calmed down.  I was the one still going nuts.  The nurse was going on how cute Mimi was, and once again I threw out how she was my aunts dog...  I finally realized after this 50th time of saying she's my aunts dog, that its because I don't want people to think I let her teeth get this bad.  Not that I think my aunt didn't care, but I honestly don't think she ever really noticed.  So I figure they won't hate me for her teeth being that bad.  And hey, you can't hate someone who's passed on, right?  The nurse started to go through the procedure details, "Okay so this is Mimi and she'll be having hip surgery and getting spayed." O-o????  I immediately pulled Mimi away and said, "Ummm NO! She's here for teeth. TEETH! And she's already spayed."  She looked puzzled until she realized the receptionist had printed out multiple labels with my name and Mimi's and put it on her file and the file of another dog.  I was ready to run out of there like a bat out of hell.  Once they got everything in order, they put Mimi's hospital tag on, and off she went; and there went my tears.  Yes, I cried.  Damn dog! She makes me have...feelings. Yuck!

By the time they called me to pick her up, I already had one foot out the door and in the cab.  I sat there waiting and waiting for them to bring her out.  The nurse finally came out with her medication and a list of things I would have to do to take care of her.  Apparently she had severe dental disease and they had to remove almost all of her teeth, which were already loose.  Again, my mouth just dropped.  How will she eat?!   They let me know she would be fine to have solid foods again in a week.  Apparently the Vet had once seen a dog eat with no tongue. I don't know, but that's what she said.  So I wrapped up my daughter as she stared at me with pure anger and pain in her eyes, and took her home.
 

The little patient resting on the couch. My poor baby!!!

I've had to give her medicine last night and again this morning, and she was NOT happy.  And all night she moaned, groaned, coughed up God knows what and stared at me as if to say, "You did this to me. Who's the real Bitch here?!"  I wish she could understand I only did it for her own good.  That disease could've gone down into her stomach and gotten a whole lot worse.  Again, I'm dramatic, but damnit I love my child :).  Now Mimi is a very happy dog, and when you come through the door she's always wagging her tail and jumping up and down.  She even did this yesterday when my mom came home.  Well today I came home and all I heard was silence.  After I put my stuff down and walked over to her bed, she just looked at me like, "Who let you back in here? Leave me alone."  Call me a sap (I told you she makes me have those nasty things called "feelings") but I totally wanted to cry.  So yes, now Mimi hates me.  Plus I still have to take her to get groomed.  Lord help me, I'm gonna have to buy her love back with eggs, turkey and a lot of Christmas gifts.  Oh, the things you do when you're a Mother *sigh*.

Happy Blogging!

The Experiment Continues...

Photo Credit - *Internet Dating*

*Special Note: I started writing this blog the weekend before Thanksgiving and deleted my dating profile shortly after.*

Ladies & Gentleman, I have moved forward in my experiment and added 1 photo to my dating profile. ::Enter Applause Here::  And Ladies & Gentleman, with that one photo, the initial 45 messages I had received on night 1, more than tripled on night 4!  I know, how exciting right?!  What a little eye candy can do for a guy; I mean just one picture!  I already knew that as human's, we're driven by the flesh more than anything else.  But hot damn I had tons of request, flirts, emails, etc.  Naturally I looked through them to see what my cute little self could attract.  I like to think of myself as a little tasty dish, so why not indulge in these fine mens' words of sweet nothings, even if I don't intend to stay on or write back. You never know, someone might catch my eye...  Well my dear readers, if you ever wanted to feel like you're a hideous creature crawling out of some sewer in Hunts Point with boils on your face, a hump in your back and a limp in your step, this.will. do it.  HOLY MOSES ON THE ARK!!!  (I'm aware it was Noah! But that's how shocked I was; I forgot my religious studies.)  If these are the only men attracted to me, it's gonna be me and the 3 digits for a very, very long time.  I've said it before, I won't say I'm drop dead gorgeous, but I can't begin to imagine that that's all I can get.  Maybe that's bitchy of me to say, and laugh if you want, but damnit, I was insulted!  I swear it was like the weirdest, creepiest and most unattractive men had a meeting, said lets get on this site and only hit up this one girl.  Men my grandfather's age. dad's age, Gollum and men who looked like serial killers were hitting me up. "Oh, she must be busy so lets send her seven messages, to ensure she gets this one!"  That is what I got my friends and I couldn't even deal.

Now remember, this was only an experiment. I am not looking to date, and will be removing my profile by weeks end.  (Profile has since been removed.)

So lets get a little deeper into the utter horror scene that was my request lists.  Here are just a few examples of some choice names/words and images I found while exploring this dating site and the "suitors" that contacted me.  If your online dating profile's name is anything like the below, you have photos like anything mentioned below, you're a creep like the men mentioned below, etc., you need to re-evaluate a lot of things in your dating life or rather, your entire life!  Even if you're just looking for booty, these names/words will NOT help you with that fight, unless your quest involves statutory rape of a 15 year old Catholic School girl:

AmorCaliente - Yea, I'm thinking that means you have some kind of itchy STD that you should get taken care of pronto! No thanks.
Papi/Chulo - 1. Stop the nonsense; you're NOT hot.  We ALL know you look like CULO!  Especially when you take those photos that we basically only see your eyes or you're 1 of 4 men in the photo.  2. You're obviously not looking for a serious relationship, so that should be reflected in your profile.
MoMoney (or anything that has money or dollars in the name) - Chances are you have none, or if you do, you're a drug dealer or a pimp.  While the money is great, I'm no longer a co-ed.
LatinLover - You have a small penis.
Gamer - You've been playing alone for a loooooooong time.
Attractive/Sexy - You're not.
Dark lighting where we only see your eyes - You'll most likely meet up with me, drug me and chop me up into little pieces while jacking off to my hair aka You're a CREEP!
Shirtless photos showing "the gun show" (I just threw up) - You used to be the fat kid with boobies that people pinched.  No girl would talk to you and all the other guys in your class made fun of you.  So now you're showing off your new found body in hopes that those girls will now find you sexy.  You're like a child with a new toy you want no one to play with. GROW UP.
You send more than one message to the same girl & it says the same thing - You haven't had sex in years and will bang anything that lightly brushes your foot aka You're a CREEP!
Photos of you near cars and scantily clad women...okay, whores - You have a small penis and truly don't know anything about what interest real women.
You're writing to women who are clearly young enough to be your daughter, or granddaughter - You're in a midlife crisis and hoping young vag will help you out of it aka You're a CREEP!

So yes, these were (just a few) of the men, and I'm using that term LOOSELY, that I found trying to contact me on this particular site.  I can't say that all sites are like this, or that even all men are like this; I know there are some good ones...there has to be.  However, this has made me see clearer and understand why so many people are into the Friends With Benefits idea.  If I could, I would probably go back on my word and start applying that rule in my own life.

In all seriousness, is that what dating has come to?  Is that all that is to be expected?  Eventually being single will run it's course and I'm going to want to date someone seriously.  And if this is what is out there, I might just ignore that idea and stick to having dogs (I don't like cats.) Or maybe snakes.  I could be like the crazy cat lady on The Simpsons, but be Crazy Snake lady, and throw snakes at people when they walk by my house.  Yea, some how that sounds like a much better plan than dating any of these fools.  I can say this for one thing, it was a very interesting and enlightening experiment.

Happy Blogging All!

Random Thoughts by Me

One of my favorite chocolate treats is a Hersey Bar with Almonds.  It's that one piece of chocolatey goodness that no matter what my sweet tooth is craving, hits the spot.  And while it may seem bizarre to you, I have a special way in which I pick my little piece of chocolate heaven.  See, whenever I purchase one of these delicious decadent treats, I sort of... well I... I molest the bar before deciding.  Listen, the ratio of almonds to chocolate has to be as even as possible; there MUST be an adequate amount of almonds in this bar.  I mean come on, if I wanted just the chocolate, I'd get the plain one.  Anyway, the other day I bought one and did my normal "feel up the candy" routine.  Touching it from the top of the bar, to the bottom, making sure there a good ratio.  After feeling up about 4 of these, to my delight there was almonds all over my last choice and it brought such a smile to my face.  There's nothing worse than getting a bar with one half having a bunch of almonds and the other one either having 1 almond, or worse, NONE!

I finished up shopping and went to the register.  As the cashier was ringing up my items, she got to the Hershey bar and it wasn't ringing up.  She tried it about 3 times, before she finally asked me to get her another one so that she could get the price... If you don't know where I'm going with this, you obviously are not a fellow fluffy or you don't appreciate sweets in the way that I do... Once she got the price, she packed my stuff and I was on my way.  Later in the day when I had a hankering for something sweet, I immediately went to my little prize.  Only I was actually in for a surprise.  After all my "hard work" of searching for the right chocolate bar, I found that she had switched the bars on me! So now I ended up with a bar that not only wasn't near as good as the one I had originally chosen, it only had one side with almonds!!!  -_-

While you may think I'm over exaggerating, I know someone out there will feel my pain.  And in case you missed my last blog, I don't like when my "food" is messed with.  It just makes me angry.   I know one of you out there has to relate.  Don't lie, it's okay, we're all friends here; a no-judgement free zone.  Well, most of the time...  And PLEASE before I get someone saying there are people are starving all over the world, blah blah blah.  Trust me, I do my share of donating food and clothes to the needy, so you can keep your preaching to yourselves. :)

So now it's, Universe-2 and Fluffy Girl-0.  The universe and I are about to experience some SERIOUS issues.

Happy Blogging All!

P.S. Hope you all enjoyed a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Random Thoughts by Me: Spandex Gone Wrong!

Okay, normally this is something I would just show to friends and make my smart ass comments and leave it at that.  However, I had to share this, because it seems to be turning into an epidemic.  

Why is leaving the house knowing you have HOLES in any of your clothing, especially pants and near the butt or crotch area, okay?  "Maybe she didn't know."  Oh yes, she did, because when one of the girls working in the store told her about the holes, she said, "oh yea I know", as if there was nothing wrong with it, smiling away and like she was surprised that the girl would even bring it up.  Ummm, there is something wrong with it!  She also had one on the inner thigh that I noticed when she went to sit down to try on shoes.  And before you ask me why I was so up in her stuff.  Well she put it out there and I was so surprised that a woman would walk out like this, I couldn't help but stare at her.  And this isn't the first time I've seen this, and on a fluffy girl!  See, this is why my fluffy ladies, of all sizes, get criticized for wearing spandex, stretchies, tights, etc.  This is right up there with the ladies that wear stockings and pretend that they're spandex pants.  Umm I see your red hearts thong when you bend over; they're NOT spandex.  I've never seen a skinny minny girl walk out of the house with holes in her tights!  And by the way, while they may appear small in this photo, they weren't.  At least if you're going to do this, wear a shirt long enough to hide the holes!  I truly do not understand some women and how they choose to leave the house.  

Am I alone in this ladies? Sound off, PLEASE!

Happy Blogging All!.... And check your clothes before you leave the house! :)

The Hungry Brat

**

**Hungry Brat**

So all week I've been trying to eat really well.  I've had whole grain cereal, low fat peanut butter on toast, salads, grilled chicken and only one big meal (usually my lunch).  Most importantly, I cut off soda.  Let us take a moment to mourn the loss of my delicious fizzling friend, Coca-Cola. . . .  Okay, so anyway the point is I've been doing well.  I even worked out twice this week.  Shut up, yes, that's a lot!  So yesterday morning I woke up late, causing me to be late for work.  When I finally arrived, it was straight to work, which means I didn't eat breakfast right away; I had to wait until 10:15.  When you're hungry, you notice things like exact time.  So at around 12 I started feeling a little hungry and had a nature valley bar and a cup of tea; my snack.  I then realized that I had my Health Benefits meeting at 1:30 so I would have to wait until after to get my lunch.  Which was fine, because the bar and tea would hold me over. I mean, how long could that meeting take?  -_-

On to the Health Benefits meeting. Oh yes, where people ask the most asinine questions you can possibly imagine, and ask it TWICE!  Now while I'll admit, if you're not an HR person, there may be some things you don't understand right off.  However, some of these questions were just absolutely ridiculous.  For example: "So if I don't use the FSA account and it doesn't roll over into next year, what happens to the money?"  Umm you lose it?  I don't even use FSA and I know this!  Anyway, the meeting ran for an hour and a half! I have never ever ever been in a Enrollment meeting for that long; 20/25 minutes tops!  Of course by this time my stomach had begun growling and hunger had set in.  And along with hunger comes irritability and annoyance.  My hunger is a lot like PMS - sorry guys, but it is - which basically means don't fuck with me.  Yea, I cursed, because when I get hungry I get a potty mouth... Okay, I always have a potty mouth, whatever.  So when this meeting was done, I literally bolted and went to Subway.  I decided against my normal tuna order since I was so hungry and got the Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki, toasted.  Freakin' yummy, right.  I get back to my desk, am about to sit down, when all of a sudden they tell me we have a meeting.  You're joking right?  1. That wasn't on my calendar. 2. I just got my lunch. 3. Why am I surprised? Of course that would happen the day I get a HOT sandwich.  So I go off into the meeting with a trompa face, obviously, because I'm a brat and everyone should know.  During this meeting of course EVERYONE had to speak, except our team.  See we weren't informed of the meeting because our boss wasn't going to be there and therefore, we wouldn't really be needed.  But since the VP was there, we couldn't really just leave during it.  And I wasn't going to be the fluffy chick who brings her food to the meeting and stuffs her face in front of a crowd.  I have manners...sometimes.

Thankfully it was only 20 minutes of my life, but that was still 20 minutes of my lunch time loss.  And while the meeting was taking place and "important things" being discussed, all I kept thinking was, "I don't even want the damn sandwich anymore. I'm throwing it out. It's going to be cold and soggy." I told you, I'm a Hungry Brat!  When the meeting was over at 3:20 (again, fluffy people pay attention to time in matters of the belly), again, I BOLTED to my desk.  At this point if someone even asked me a question they were either getting the silent treatment or a sarcastic response.  I sat down and of course someone did try to say something, I'm not even sure who.  I just threw up my hands like "STOP. CEASE. DESIST. DO NOT APPROACH ME FOOL, I AM HUNGRY."   Whoever it was, obviously understood this and stopped talking.  Good for them.  Unfortunately someone did not get this.  See at this point, I remember, "Oh! We have a 3:40 fire drill today which means I now have to inhale my food. Lovely!"  While this may seem like a good thing, because who wouldn't want to shovel in food when they're hungry, it's not.  I get very gassy (as in burpy, relax) when I eat fast.  So while I'm eating like this is the only food I've seen since '89, my new co-worker, God Bless her, asks me a question:

New Girl: Oh good, you're eating.
Me: :: Blank stare towards computer screen. No answer::
New Girl: I'm trying to get this stuff done before the drill.
Me: :: Stuffing face, continued blank stare towards computer screen. No answer::
New Girl: They alert us when it's time for the fire drill, right?
Me: Yea
New Girl: Like an alarm or something?
Me: No, they come by and set your desk on fire.

Hey you ask me silly questions, AND while I'm hungry, you're gonna get silly answers.  Thankfully she's a good sport and laughed.  I finally finished with 5 minutes to spare, and there goes the alarm.  About 5 to 10 minutes of this guy talking, and all I'm thinking is, "Please don't burp. Please don't burp."  Oh did I mention I'm standing right next to the VP?!  And of course when we're dismissed, she and I walk side by side and she asks me a question!  Right as I was going to answer, I feel it.  I'm about to burp.  Are you flipping kidding?!  Thankfully someone tapped her and she turned and I let our that silent burp, where you blow in the opposite direction of the person you're with and hope to God an odor doesn't linger.  Well while I was having my burp crisis in private, she kept talking and so I kept walking.  Lets just say it wasn't the best day I've had this week.  Oh, and of course I got home and wasn't hungry since I ate so late.  AND of course I would start to get hungry at 10 o'clock at night.

In matters of the belly, Fluffy Girl - 0 and Universe - 1.  

Happy....EATING all!

Semi Wordless Wednesday: My Great Grandparents

These are my Great Grandparents on their 50th Wedding Anniversary in Puerto Rico, July 1983.  With all the dating talk going on, I've started thinking a lot.  Wonder if I'll ever have a 50th Anniversary. 

Monday Grievances: The Sick Get Sicker

*Maxine*

Well it was a long and shitty 4 day weekend.  I worked from home on Thursday and had off Friday, then Saturday and Sunday came along, and now it's Monday.  And guess what I did???? NOT A DAMN THING! I had made plans on Friday, and besides my friend canceling on me, I got sick.  Then Saturday I was set to go out with my cousin, but she had to cancel because she was sick.  I was going to head to a friends daughter's birthday party, and surprise her, but I started coming down with something.  I felt really nauseous during the day and suddenly my stomach broke out into one massive hive and I was scratching like a homeless person with fleas.  After reading the side effects of my RA medication, I found that it was an allergic reaction caused by the medicine.  I'd totally understand getting a reaction, makes perfect sense.  HOWEVER, I've been shooting myself up with this crap for 2 months! Noooooow, during my long weekend, my body suddenly decides, "Ewww what's this? Gross; Breakout!".  Why would this happen?  Oh that's right, because it's me, and I'm Murphy!  So I spent the day napping and doing laundry in between.

Sunday comes along and I slept all morning and missed Church for the 3rd week in a row.  I'm a horrible Catholic at this point.  I ate breakfast, got sick again and was itchy again.  At one point I took a brush to this itch, and I'm not ashamed to say that I scratch my stomach until it was red and almost bleeding.  It was like I had orgasmed; it felt amazing!  Anyway, later I sat here depressing myself while watching My Fair Wedding.  Seriously, any single woman watching that should be put on Suicide watch.  Not the show to watch when you're feeling like crap.  I should have been having Brunch with a friend, but I assume she forgot, since I never heard from her.  Which while I was pissed off at first, I chalked it up to it being for the best.  I was miserable and I was ready to take everyone down with me.  Because yes, misery loves company, and I revel in it.  So here it is Monday, and I also took today off, and still have nothing to do.  I'm totally having a Maxine moment, where I just don't give a.... Oh shit, I just remembered I still have clothes in the dryer from Saturday night. Whoops.  Oh well, here's hoping this week will go smoothly since I was able to hide out in my bubble today.  

So, how did you enjoy your weekend???

Happy Blogging All!!! 

If That's What's Left, I'm Screwed...

The other day I was talking with a few of my girlfriends about dating.  Yes, dating, what a weird concept, I know.  It seems nowadays dating isn't anything more than going out to the movies or dinner, and then being expected to give up the goods that night.  I guess that makes a good relationship.  Anyway, we questioned what happened to the days of wining and dining.  And it's not like we're talking about fancy restaurants and expensive Broadway shows for a first date, but something that shows you're interesting in more than a roll in the hay.  Now if that's what you're looking for, that's fine, to each his/her own.  But I'm sure, or at least I'm hoping, that that is something that is discussed before hand.  I know I'm looking for a real relationship, and I know the type of person I want it with and the type of person I don't.  So why is it that even though a man will know you're looking for more than what they're offering, will they "pretend" that they want the same thing?  I won't put the blame completely on the man, so relax gentleman.  Because ladies we should know better too.  However, if someone tells you (for example)  "I want the blue car", why would you say "Sure the blue car is available" when in fact only car left on the light is some crappy white car one?  I hope my analogy didn't throw anyone off; I'm trying to connect to the men and women here.

So I went on a dating website and set up a profile.  If you know me, you know that I've done the online dating thing a few times.  One of which I was engaged too, but that's a different story for a different day.  So I'm sort of an old pro at these sites.  Anyway, I set up the profile and wrote out what I'm looking for and not, and BAM about 45 men had either looked at the profile or written.  When I tell you I was simply appalled by the responses, I'm downplaying my disgust.  I had specifically said please do not contact me if you're over the age of 35.  I had 50 year old men contacting me. I do not want to feel like I'm dating my uncle or my father, so that really creeps me out!  I had also asked that if you have children, to be aware that I am really not fond of them, nor do I intend on having any.  I had 5 fathers, who either didn't read the profile or didn't care, ask me out for this weekend! I shit you not.  You know nothing about me, and you want to go on a date that quickly?  And I had also mentioned how I'm big on Reality TV and Gossip, because I find it extremely funny and entertaining.  One guy had actually written in his profile that he was looking for a girl not into pop culture. HELLO???? Are you even reading what women are writing?  Or are you just that eager to either meet and/or bang a woman, that ya just don't give a rats ass.  And I'd like to see it must be my stunning good looks that got them, but no.  I didn't even put up a photo yet!

Oh and the photos, dear God, the photos!! One guy was doing the signature GIRL pose, where the lips are pursed out.  And for some godforsaken reason he had lip gloss on!!  His lips were soooo shiny, I was blinded, and yet a little drawn in. I wonder if he got that gloss at MAC.  And then you have the guy who has 3 guys in the photo, so you're playing the guessing game on which one is the fella you're interested in.  Or the guy who takes photos with sunglasses on.  I think that one is self explanatory.  There's also the guy who takes all his photos 40 ft away from the camera.  Are you a ghost? I don't get it.  And then finally, and I'd like to know why, many of the men had hats on.  Now I have this thing with my girlfriends called, "Hat Syndrome."  What is Hat Syndrome?  Well it's when a guy looks really hot and sexy with a hat on. Something about him is a little dark and mysterious; he just looks good.  And then he takes the hat off and it's like the boggie man from your childhood has just reemerged. He went from looking like Joe Manganiello to Steve Buscemi all with the removal of a hat.  And while I don't want to say all relationships/dating/whatever is based solely on looks; cause lord knows it's NOT.  You do have to have some type of attraction to the person, physically, for things to at least get off the ground.  Don't you?

So I'm not beating up on men here, I'm sure women have their share of stupid things they say or do on dating sites. HOWEVER I am a woman, so I'm going to obviously come from a woman's point of view.  So tell me is dating just a dying fad?  Do people just jump into relationship and not get to know each other? Or are people just banging each other like rabbits, and okay with that?  I once had a guy tell me he wouldn't settle down until maybe he was 40.  My uncle also told me that he didn't realize what he wanted until he was 38.  So is that what awaits women who are ready to be in relationships now? Date your "dad" or wait until the man of your dreams (or so to speak) is ready when your eggs are dried up and gone?  What do you think my dear blog readers/friends?

Happy Blogging All!

P.S. For the "Anonymous" Blogger Gangster who wrote the "These blogs suck..." on my last blog, Thank you!!!!!!  You my dear, are exactly why I will keep writing. :)

Random Thoughts by Me

It doesn't matter if it's Summer or Winter, there is always some douchebag that lowers their car windows and blast whatever god awful music their listening to, out for everyone to hear.  And they don't care if it's 6pm or 8am or even 2am, they'll do it without a care.  On so many of these occasions I have fantasized about following these people home, waiting for them to fall fast asleep and then breaking into their home with a huge bucket of ice cold water and throwing it on them while they sleep.  All while blasting, from my own horribly unique vocal chords, whatever song it was that they were playing, that annoyed me.  Please, if you do this, answer me this question. WHY???? What makes you think this is not only cool to do, but that people want to hear your shitty taste in music?  Do you not realize that we can hear it?  Or are you just that big of a piece of shit that you just don't give a flying fuck.  I'm writing this now, and yes in anger, because some A-Hole is blasting music from 1995 outside, and it's not even good music!!!!  And this ladies and gentleman is why you should all be grateful that carrying guns is not legal.  And no, not to kill anyone. Calm down you nuts! Just to shoot out some tires or a radio here and there. :)


Happy Blogging All!

*This was written on 11/6/11 at 9p while trying to watch Housewives Atlanta. Hence my anger. :)

Semi Wordless Wednesday

Grandma's new "Life Alert" system

1. Grams new little "help" system is stationed in my room since my room hosts the main phone line. But please tell me how's she suppose to get it if she needs it immediately?  Crawl over here on her knees? How exactly does that work?


2. What happens when I come home "happy" one evening and knock this thing over, pressing on the help button, and then laying there unconscious, breathing heavily and drooling?  These people are going to think she's having a heart attack.


Happy Blogging All!

Oh, I Guess You're Just That Tired. Pfff

As you all know, I ride the subway everyday, to and from work.  So most of my life and all it's crazy occurrences, happen while I'm in that steel trap, and today was no different.  On my way home, the train was packed as usual so I tried squeezing myself in where ever I could.  I finally positioned myself and grab the bars next to the seats near the door.  Suddenly I feel something and then nothing, then something and then nothing again.  I look and its some woman's hand, moving back and forth. It was as if her hands had add, because they just kept sliding towards mine and bouncing off.  Someone I don't know, touching me in any way, especially skin to skin, disgusts me!  One of the reasons I truly hate the train, because there you don't have a choice sometimes if people get that close.  So I finally move over and I'm holding onto one of the poles in the middle.  Again, I start to feel something on my hand, then nothing, and then something and then nothing again.  And again it's someone's fucking hand!!!  Please tell me how lazy can you possibly be that you can't hold up your own damn hand.  Have your hands been that busy today that you can't keep them up?  Do they weight that much?  No? Then why the hell are you touching me???  I had such an urge to take my hand, rub it on my fun box, sneeze and cough all over it and then put it back on the pole and yell, "You want to lean on my hand now?!" I don't know where the hell your hand have been and you have no clue where mine have been.  I don't even want to hold on to that germ ridden pole, but I'm forced to so that I don't go flying into my death when the train decides to make a sudden stop.  Why in the hell do people do this?

Another issue, and I experienced it today, is people leaning on the pole.  Okay, when there's no one around, sure lean on it. Hell I could careless if you hump it or make love to it.  However, unless you're a stripper who's extremely dedicated and attached to his/her job, there is NO REASON FOR YOU TO LEAN ON THE POLE! When the train is packed, get the fuck off and stop being a lazy bastard.  But by far the worse thing, is to start leaning on the pole when someone is already holding on, is absolutely ridiculous and disrespectful.  I got a dirty look from some man today because that's exactly what he did to me and another woman.  He started to lean on our hands as if our hands were just decorations on the pole, or worse, weren't even there.  So I stuck my finger out to poke him in the back and jabbed until he moved.  He then leans off, looks at me and rolls his eyes.  Excuse me??  Am the asshole here?  I'm sorry, but please tell me, are other people just invisible to you?  Or are you just that much of a jerk off that you don't see the issue with leaning on someone's arm or hand.  Why don't I just get some lotion and give you a damn back massage, you look tired.  I can't believe the complete rudeness of people.  I rolled my eyes right back at him and the other woman started to laugh saying she was about to do the same thing.  The nerve of some of these passengers just amazes me.  I know New York is full of rude people, I can be one of them from time to time, but to just be flat out disrespectful, is on a whole new level of rude.

So am I the only one that experiences these issues and gets enraged by them?  Please share and let me know how you handle it.  I'm open for advice, because I'm about to start boarding the train with weapons...trust me, I have other reasons as to why those weapons will come in handy. :)

Happy Blogging All!

Random Thoughts by Me Presents: Random Moments

Today I went on a wild goose chase to find some finishing touches for my Halloween costume.  Why a wild goose chase? Because to be honest I wasn't even sure what I was looking for.  Anyway, I decided to cut my losses and just go home.  I went to get on the train when of course some woman with her baby carriage is taking up half the door.  I swear its during rush hour that I see more baby carriages than at a Babies R Us.  Anyway, with the carriage and other passengers, I moved over right by the seat nearest to the door.  As I'm standing there I notice the guy sitting right in front of me is sleeping with his mouth wide open.  Normally I wouldn't care, because I've seen this numerous times.  But in this case, the man started bopping to the left and right and then started coming towards me.  He kept falling half way towards my stomach and then would bop right back up.  Now, I started to get worried because all I'm thinking is, "This dude better not fall out of his seat, onto me."  And as I mentioned the train was packed, so there wasn't really anywhere for me to go.  So as he's moving back and forth, I put the little bag I was holding on my arm holding the pole, so when he would start to come towards me, he would feel it and go back.  It worked....for a while.  Eventually as we approached the next stop, and made a sharp turn, there he went right into me or rather it.  Yes, ladies and gentleman, right into my wonton soup, into my woo woo, into my golden ticket.  Yes, he went head first right into my baby maker!!!!  I was beyond disgusted and pissed off at first.  But nothing, and I wish I had a picture of it, could compare to the embarrassed, confused and horrified look on his face.  I just started to laugh as he said, "I'm sorry. Oh, I'm so so sorry."  Needless to say he got off at the next stop and no, there is definitely no pun intended there!  So yes, these are just some of the things I experience on my Subway adventures.


Have you had a similar random moment? 


Happy Blogging All

Random Thoughts by Me

So yesterday I went to a charity concert event and came home really late. My friend and I tried catching a cab, but we just couldn't get one, so we eventually just got on the train.  So I text my mom when I got off to see if she was up.  But thanks to my HORRIBLE service I couldn't send any texts or call, because it couldn't detect a signal.  So as I was walking it seemed two men were following me.  In actuality they were just walking in the same direction I was, but as a woman you have to be extra cautious.  All I kept thinking was how would I escape if they tried to grab me or assault me in some kind of way.  Now tell me, am I the only person that when walking home late at night, when it's dark and eerily quiet, holds a scream in their throat? You know, where you're instantly ready to let out the biggest scream of your life if someone tries to touch you or if a leaf grazes your arm?  That's what I was doing!  Every time the wind blew too hard or I heard a car in the background I was on the verge of letting out the loudest scream, that I'm sure would've sounded like I was giving birth.  And sad to say, embarrassing to say, I did let out a yelp when a car drove by at one point. I know, I'm silly, but come on, I live in the South Bronx so I must be prepared to scream, kick and hustle it outta there at all times.  And if all else fails, prepared to ball up into the fetal position and start sucking my thumb and hope my attacker doesn't have any weird fetishes. 

Have you had this random thought?

Happy Blogging All!

Random Thoughts by Me

So I thought I'd try something new on LaLatinaLoquita and see how it plays out with you all.  See I always have these random thoughts, ideas, or just comments that I make to myself throughout the day.  And when I say random, I mean random.  Like today for instance, I saw a rat going through garbage (thankfully I was across the street).  But my immediate thought wasn't, "Maybe I should walk faster" or "Thank God I'm not on that side".  No, my thought was, "Holy shit imagine there was a bomb in there and it exploded and there were rats body parts everywhere."  And my second thought was, "What if like there was like a head rat.  So that when this rat saw him, he'd scurry off and leave the feast of garbage to the king."  Again, I'm SUPER random; you get the point.  Now see as funny as I think these random thoughts maybe, they don't really merit an entire blog.  But nevertheless, sometimes I feel like I just have to share them.  Maybe some of you can relate and make me feel like I'm not a complete lunatic.  Or maybe some of you will read some of my "thoughts" and think, "Yea, not reading her stuff anymore. She is a freakin' loca!"  Either way, I'm going to bring you in a little deeper into the crazy things that go through this girls mind.  Hey, they don't call me Loquita for nothing, so here goes my first "thought" in my new series, "Random Thoughts by Me".


You know how sometimes you go to the bathroom (at work, movies, restaurants, etc) and you walk into a stall and it's just disgusting.  You know, tissue left stuck to the seat, stains on the wall, pee on the seat, a baby swimming in the toilet and so forth.  So you move to another stall, and then notice someone go into the one you just rejected.  Well do you ever think, "Aye que fucking puerca! Cochina!" (*translated to: Ugh, what a fucking pig. Slob!"  

The other day there was "poop splatter" on the inside of the toliet, that as soon as you looked in the stall you could see. I was so grossed out I went to the next stall.  A few minutes later a woman went into the very stall I had just avoided.  I was making so many faces to myself, and just so disgusted by this woman.  So of course I washed my hands long enough to see who it was, so I could judge them internally.  I mean, who does that?

Have you had this random thought?

Happy Blogging All!

Friends. How many of us have them?

*True Friends

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of “friendships.”  See to me friendships have always been a huge deal.  It’s not just, “Oh this is my friend so and so and we drink beers on the weekend, blah blah blah.”  No, that’s not it.  My friends have always been treated as if they’re a part of my family.  In my opinion, in some ways, friends are a little bit more important to me.  Now before I get the whole Latino community jumping down my back (as well as my own family members who read my blog) because family is huge for us, let me explain.  With family, you’re born into it.  Like them or not, love them or not, you’re stuck with each other forever.  You’re like squatters in each other’s lives;  Like that unsightly mole; Like an eyelash on your face that you keep trying to wipe away but just stays there!  You get the point.  I’m actually fortunate that many of my family members I can actually, tolerate and can consider good friends.  However, there are SOME members that I could surely do without; I’d give anything to have those moles surgically removed.  But that’s a different topic for a different day.

Friends are people YOU CHOOSE to have in your life.  When you meet someone, it’s completely your decision if you want to invest in them or not.  You can tell by a few meetings if this person is worth your time and energy, or not; much like any other relationship.  Now I’ve always chosen my friends by who’s most compatible with me, relates to me and can understand my sarcastic humor.  It’s the same way I’ve chosen the men I’ve dated.  Needless to say, my luck with friends hasn’t always been the best either!  See I find that the people you hang around with reflect the person you are.  My best friend for instance, is a sarcastic, witty, intelligent and a crazy gal.  Just like me!... Before I move on, I must add that you should never use the term “best friends” for everyone.  A best friend is someone who’s with you through thick and thin.  That person that you can call at 2am and they know it’s you and they know to get to the nearest bank to bail you out…  Then there are other friends, who though you may not have tons of things in common, you know that there are parts of them that you see in yourself; parts of yourself you wish to bring out, and they help you with that.  And then there are those “friends” that you thought you had things in common with or felt a connection to, and just like that douchebag ex-boyfriend of yours, they show their true colors and you’re blindsided by the “not so friendly” person that they truly are.

As we all know, family can, and most likely, will screw you over at one point in time.  But they’re family and you have to accept them.  Now when friends do it, while you can easily cast them off to the side and say, “good riddance to bad rubbish”, sometimes the pain stings a little more.  Why?   Well because you’ve opened yourself up to this person. You made the choice to let them in, thinking your assessment of the person was spot on, and you’re basically shown that you were dead wrong!  It can make you reevaluate other friendships and your own (what you thought to be) good judgment.  You start to wonder how you could have been so wrong about someone.  In fact you might start to feel a little stupid for having been so gullible.   And it doesn’t always have to be that they’ve done something terrible to you, i.e. burned down your house or anything like that.  It could just be their attitude and personality that changes.  Or you could realize that you’ve had blinders on to this person for whatever reason, and then BOOM, they’re different.  For example I had a best friend for years and we were almost inseparable.  And then one day she was dating, then getting pregnant, then getting engaged and poof it was as if she was gone.  It was like a relationship where the sex stopped being good, so you venture out.  It felt as if the friendship stopped being good, and it wasn’t worth keeping up with it.  And I understand we grow up and move on, and start lives on our own, but I never imagined that our friendship would just sizzle out.  While I'm sure I played a part in this as well (I guess we all change), it really hurt and still does.  See I use this as an example because I have another friend who has gone through the same process of “growing up” and we continue to be relevant and constant in each other’s lives.  It just gets a little sad when, as you grow up, you start to realize, as painful as it maybe, that all of your relationships aren’t as solid as you thought.  It’s not always rainbows and cotton candy.

So what does friendship mean to you?  Do you hold your friends in high regard or do friends just come and go for you?  I’m curious to see if I’m the only one that values my friendships as dearly as I value my relationships with my family member (if not more in some cases).  Hey, sometimes when family isn’t there, it’s those really good friends that are by your side when you lose your balance.

Happy Blogging All!

Fourth Annual Spreading Smucker’s® Traditions Recipe & Essay Contest

Now you all know I don't like or know how to cook.  I think I've made that clear plenty of times.  However one of the things I do love, besides eating, is sitting in the kitchen whenever my mom or grandmother are in front of the stove making one of their deliciously scrumptious meals. With my mom she'll go into detail about how to do this and that, and I'll just watch her move so effortlessly about the kitchen and click with everything around her.  It's as if the spoons and spices just flow right to her and she knows EXACTLY what's she's doing.  Half the time she's not even looking! And the best thing about my mother is that she makes all types of foods from Spanish, to Italian, American and so much more.  She has a passion for it all.  

Now my grandmother, her specialty is Spanish, Puerto Rican, food.  From Pernil to Arroz con Gandules, this woman cooks it up.  And whenever I'm in the kitchen with her, she talks to me about each ingredient she's adding in, and always manages to tell me how she learned how to use them all.  She'll start talking about how her grandmother taught her this, or how her mother or even her sister taught her that.  Just today she was making chicken and was telling me how she learned it from a lady on TV years ago; she gets inspiration and lessons from everyone and everywhere.  One of my favorite and probably the memory I'll take with me forever, is making Pateles with her.  Now if any of you have ever made Pateles, you know it is a tiring process that takes DAYS! Yes, you have to buy the stuff, start peeling bananas, bleeding out those little red seeds, then smashing and grinding the bananas, washing and prepping the leaves, etc.  By the time you're ready to eat them, you're over them completely.  BUT, working with my grandmother on these delicacies, has always been interesting and an eye opening experience.  Listening to her stories and her telling me how to do this and that, is always a little treat for me.  So while I'm not a chef, I LOVE watching the women in my life cook and talk to me about their recipes with such love and devotion.

So what's a perfect time to bring up families and special recipes and combining the two?  Now, during Hispanic Heritage Month, and Smucker's® is going to help!  From now until November 16th, Smucker's® invites you to visit their site, www.smuckers.com or www.smuckersenespanol.com, to enter and share your original recipes using at least 1/4 cup of  any of their Smucker's® jams, jellies, preserves or fruit butters, plus an original essay of 200 words or less (in English or Spanish) about how the recipe is a part of your family's traditions and how it makes family celebrations, special.  Then in March 2012, five contest finalist will be selected and flown to New York city for a live recipe demonstration and judging, where one will win $20,000 towards a dream family reunion!  Doesn't that sound amazing! How incredible that a family recipe could possibly win you such a wonderful gift with and for your family!  And Hispanic Heritage Month is a perfect time for this contest, as Latinos all over the country are celebrating their history and culture together.   Hmmm, I wonder how a Orange Marmalade would mix in with Pateles.

For Official Contest Rules visit www.smuckers.com or www.smuckersenespanol.com.  Open to legal residents of the 50 United States and D.C., 18 years and older.  Void where prohibited.

So stop reading, and start cooking and writing!  Good luck to all of you.

Happy Blogging All!

Disclaimer:  While Confessions Of A Latina Loquita did receive Smucker's® products, it did not receive any monetary compensation for this post.  Participation is completely voluntary and all opinions noted in the above are my own opinion. 

Open Letter To Our Dear Men...

It's hard dating nowadays.  There are so many things that either attract us to the opposite sex or things that make us run for the hills.  Some of those things can't be helped.  For example, he might have a lisp.  Then there are things that can be helped.  For example, he insists, after the age of 21, on getting designs and writings on his head.  Now remember, I'm a woman, so of course I'm going to speak from a woman's point of view. So before I get men writing to me asking me to stop bashing them, just know that isn't my intention.  I'm just pointing out some things that I believe men just should not be doing, wearing or saying.  And I'm pretty sure that after reading my list, some guy out there is going to write a list of what he thinks women should stop doing, and that is a-okay with me!

So Men, PLEASE STOP WEARING/DOING/SAYING ALL OF THE FOLLOWING:

1. No Jeggings. It's just wrong. First of all, you should NEVER look better in a pair of tight jeans, than your partner.  Nor should anyone ever see your twig and berries through your pants...Unless you're in a Calvin Klien ad; but that's different. Jeggings just does not help your attempt to be sexy or your attempt to look like anything, but a girl, so STOP. 
2. No Speedos. If you're not Michael Phelps, do not insist on wearing these anywhere. Not the beach, not the pool, not lake, not no where!  I don't care if your family has a pool and you're just wearing it there. Its not attractive.
3. No Tighty Whities. These are just never acceptable unless you're in your late 60's and over.  There is nothing sexy about seeing a man in these things when you're about to get it on.  It looks sloppy and gross. The image alone has just made me want to puke.
4. No Long Shorts.  If your shorts are so long that they really just look like high water jeans, just buy jeans! You look stupid!  And if you're past the age of 17, they shouldn't be hanging below your waist line.
5. Yes Manscape.  Yea, I'm gonna need you to seriously start working on the manscaping.  What do I mean?  Well I get you're a man's man and you have under arm hair and chest hair and so forth. That's fine. But it's not great if I can braid it, brush it or I find it stuck in the pillows and can't tell if its hair off my head or hair off of your whatever. And by the way, manscaping should be done everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Speaking of hairy situations...
6. Cut The Long Beard.  So you finally got facial hair. Yay for you!!!!  Now that we all know you've reached puberty, let it go.  I find it ridiculous when men grow their beards out, especially when it's only in the center.  When I kiss you, I don't want to feel like I'm about to go down on a woman from a 1970's porno. If I wanted to date a lesbian, I would. CUT IT!
7. No Thong Sandals. I have never in all my years of being on this planet met a man who can pull off Thong Sandals.  Men's feet, are point blank, not cute.  They're not hideous, but they're not cute.  No one wants to see your icky toes or the hair that's growing out of them; again MANSCAPE.  I'm not saying you can't wear sandals; of course you can. But wear the ones that where you just see the toes, but not really the knuckle of the toe. You know what I'm talking about.
8. NO SOCKS AND SANDALS! And seriously, this goes for ladies too. Think about it for a second. Sandals are worn so your feet can feel free for a while.  Let them get air and breath. Wearing socks with sandals defeats the sole purpose of sandals. It's useless! Just wear sneakers if you're that desperate to wear socks.
9. No Ed Hardy. Only douchebags wear this clothing.  Unless that's the look you're going for. Then by all means. I guess we'll just take it as the universal uniform.  
10. No Silly Bands.  Are you a 10 year old girl gossiping on the phone with your friends about Justin Bieber and Wizards of Waverly Place? No? Then knock it off!
11. Cut Down On The Video Games. Okay, I love video games, especially racing ones.  But when you ignore a girl because you're on some uber level of whatever game just came out that week and you're on the headset with the boys and you can't let them down blah blah blah, there's a problem.  Girl or Video Game... No better yet.... Sex or Video Game. Your answer should always be SEX!
12. Cut The Long Hair.  I have never been a fan of long hair, but I'll admit on SOME it works.  But, while there are exceptions, here's where you men go to far.  If you're past the age of 20 (and I'm being soooo generous with that age) you should not be parting your hair and wearing pigtails or braids or pony tails of any kind!  You look like a complete idiot and NO ONE is taking you serious.... Continuing with this, hair should just be clean cut. I should be listening to words coming out of your mouth, not trying to figure out what's written on your head. 
13. No Hissing, Lewd Comments, etc.  I think it goes without saying that real men do not sound like air being let out of tires, nor do women want to be told "Mira Mami, Vien Aqui, blah blah blah."  Yes, of course. I'm running right over because obviously you have such interesting dialogue to exchange with me.  Pfff, please.  And last I checked, I'm childless, thanks.
14. Stop Cursing Us Out When We Don't Respond.  So I didn't turn around when you hissed at me like a cockroach. Am I really a bitch? No, I just don't respond to that, and in all honesty if that's the type of girl you're looking for, then you should know you're wasting your time. Don't throw some verbal tantrum just because your charming words didn't get me to turn my head. Get over it.  
15. Stop Being a Douche!!  WTF happened to manners and chivalry?  The other day I was on the train, and this man really ran for a seat, as a VERY pregnant lady was trying to waddle over to it.  And no, he did not get up!  Women love manly men. Women do not love Douchebags! At least wear the uniform so we see you coming.

I've covered at least the main things that bother me about men.  And trust me there are tons more, but I figured this is what I'd start with.  You're all more than welcome to add your own thoughts in the comments section; I'd actually REALLY like to hear/read them.  And to my beautiful, sexy, great men I would also LOVE to hear from you ;).  What is it about us crazy ladies that you think we should stop doing/wearing/saying? SHARE PEOPLE!

Happy Blogging All!

What If Tomorrow Didn't Come?

I tried to let the day go by without saying anything or touching on this topic.  I figured there are enough television specials and memorials to remind us what happened 10 years ago today, that I didn't need to add to it.  But in viewing all of the coverage and being alone with my own thoughts, all these different feelings began to muster up inside of me.

10 years ago I was a Sophomore in college and I was getting ready for my government class, which I couldn't stand.  My professor was an older man with such a thick accent, I dreaded every lecture.  As always, in the morning I watch TV. Sometimes TBS to watch Saved By The Bell or MTV to watch music videos.  But I always start with channel 11 news to see the weather and if they'll be any train delays.  As I was getting dressed I wasn't really paying attention to what they were saying, but at one point something just made me look at the screen.  As I turned, I saw the second plane hit the tower.  I was in shock, but at that moment it didn't dawn on me how serious it was.  I walked downstairs as my mother was about to leave and said, " Mom, they said terrorist just hit the World Trade Center towers with a Plane. I think I saw it."  She looked at me as if I was saying, "It might rain, don't forget an umbrella." and said, "Oh, freaking terrorist man. Okay, I'll see you later." And went to work.  I guess as New Yorkers always being the victim or possible victim of attacks, we were kind of desensitized  and jaded to the idea that something major may be happening for real.  So she left, and I got my book bag and left too.  I was on the 2 train on 135 street, when they stopped and said that due to train traffic we were being delayed.  15 minutes later they told us we had to get off, because no trains were going into the city.  And that's when I realized something really bad had happened.

After 9/11, I kept thinking of all the innocent people who had lost their lives. their families and friends who had lost their loved ones.  I was and still am extremely grateful that I didn't lose anyone I knew personally, especially because one of my mother's cousin's worked in one of the buildings as a maintenance man.  We later found out that he had been told to go back to work when the first plane hit, but trusting his gut, he left immediately.  But nonetheless, I still felt like I lost something.  It sounds strange, but I thought of people I smile at on the street randomly; you know when you happen to lock eyes.  Or someone I may have held the door for or given up a seat on the train too.  I thought of those people and wondered if any of them were in that building, or on one of those planes.  Then I thought of all the people that got to work early that day or the people that were late. People that missed the train, got stuck in traffic or decided to change their clothes and were basically, saved for lack of a better word, from this tragedy.  I thought of all the people who probably had had a fight with someone that morning or the night before.  The things they may have been said that weren't meant, or even the things that some people wanted to say and never could.  I thought of people who had probably planned trips or even lunch dates for that day, and never got to experience them.  It made me think of all the times I have said, "Oh, I'll do it tomorrow." or "Oh, I'll call that person tomorrow."  But this experience showed me point blank, "What if tomorrow didn't come?"

What makes this more upsetting is that I still do those things. I think I'll see so and so tomorrow, or i'll apply to that job tomorrow. I even think, oh I'll write that blog tomorrow.  Even after 10 years, I still make the mistake of thinking that tomorrow will come, when in reality tomorrow is promised to no one.  We make so many excuses for ourselves out of being lazy or just thinking that time is ours to waste, that sometimes we just don't go for it.  And I've written about this before, and it's sad because it's a thought that's always on my mind, but yet I don't always make the changes that need to be made in my life, a priority.  A day like today is always that burst of reality, that wake up call, that sometimes is just needed.  It's great to think of just going with the flow and see where the wind takes you, because then you don't have to really make decisions and possibly mess up.  But what good is it to sit and wait for life to move you? You need to move life on your own.  So if there's a trip you've been meaning to take, go for it.  If you've had an argument with someone and have been holding a grudge, let it go; if not for them for yourself.  If there's a big decision you've been meaning to make, make it.  If you love someone tell them.  Because if tomorrow doesn't come, you won't be able to say, I'll do it then.

My heart and prayers go out to all of the victims souls, their families, their friends and their colleagues.  And to all the heroes, thank you for your courage and strength.  May God protect us all.

Happy Blogging All!

Do Drunken Words Really Speak Sober Thoughts?

We've all done it.  Gotten so sorority girl/fraternity boy wasted, that we just started spewing crap out of our mouths like freedom of speech was just declared a right.  In instances where you can't say what you really want, for fear that people may judge you or because you're to much of a coward to be honest, you take advantage of what's called "liquid courage". I've had it, you've had it, we've all had it.  For some reason liquor tends to open up a can of worms (or words) that just can't be shut.  People under the influence tend to just say and do the utmost stupidest things they can "think" of.  But do the words you say in a drunken stupor always speak some type of truth?  The old saying goes, "Drunken Words, Speak Sober Thoughts".  But is that always the case?  In my humble opinion, I think it depends on the person and the situation.  I'm usually a happy drunk so I say things sometimes, that I don't mean just to make people feel better or for entertainment purposes. Then there are the times where I have said or done something's that were due in huge part too being a little buzzed.  Cartwheels for instances. Not a good luck for the drunk.  And then I've also said things in the heat of the moment because I was upset, and wanted the other person to be upset too; yes I can be a bit of an a-hole.

 

An example of using "liquid courage" as a slight boost to do something or say something out of character is Karaoke.  I love to Karaoke, but I can never get up and just belt a few lines in front of strangers or friends.  But give me a Stoli & Red Bull and this girl thinks she's Christina Aguilera performing for Simon Cowell. I AM THE NEXT AMERICAN IDOL!!! More like American Idiot, but I digress.  Another example is once I confessed to an old boss how much I hated my job and if it weren't for her I wouldn't have stayed on for as long as I had.  Yea, can you say, EMBARRASSING!  Then I have examples where I just said something to say it.  For instance, once I was out with a group of girls, one of which had recently broken up with her boyfriend.  Now I did not much care for this person, and knowing her history with others and how bitchy she was, I was actually kind of glad about her break up.  And yes that's a horrible thing to say, but at the moment it's how I felt.  However when she was bitching and crying over this boy, I was totally agreeing with her.  I told her she was a beautiful, smart and a great woman and that anyone would be lucky to have her.  I guess when you're drunk, it's easy to keep a serious face.  I mean, I didn't believe any of what I was saying to her in my real "sober" life, in anyway shape or form.  I was just jumping on the supportive band wagon with the other girls.  But 'til this day, I think, no chick, you're a jerk and that's why you got dumped. AND YOU'RE NOT CUTE.  Again, not the nicest thing to think, but the girl was just... she just wasn't nice. I guess its a "you had to be there" kind of thing.

 

Now while I'm a happy little drunk, as I mentioned previously, I do have a tendency to unleash verbal assults on people, if I'm angered by something or someone...Side Note: Drinking while being very emotional, does not make for a happy person... Recently while out, I got into an argument with a friend.  Now this person really didn't say anything horrible to upset me, but I did take some words from our conversation out of context.  So of course as the night progressed and the free drinks were flowing, words like "I love your makeup!" turned into "Eww, you look like a whore".  So like the glutton for punishment I am, I proceeded to do the old drunk text (similar to the drunk dial. Oh technology, how you've helped us in our crusade to make bigger fools of ourselves than we ever have before. Because now our drunken words are SAVED! What Joy. What Bliss. What HORROR!).  In the midst of my exorcism moment I said things there were cruel, nasty and just plain silly.  So because I was in a mood, I thought, why the hell not, you be in a mood too!  And in actuality, my "angry" mood was due to my own delusions; I'd just made something up in my head for no reason. Hey, what can I say, I'm good at creating stories, hence the blogging. LOL.

 

So I've done both.  I've done things and said things I would probably never say or do because I wasn't brave enough, because of a little booze.  And I've done and said things I wouldn't ever say or do, because I was liquored up and either felt like being a jerk just because, felt like entertaining people or felt like following the crowd.  Again, I think it depends on the person, situation, and maybe just how many drinks you've consumed.  But hey, if we take it a step fruther, maybe liquor brings out a fear or concern you didn't even know you had, and that's where words come from.  But then again, maybe I'm giving booze just a little too much credit.  So what do you think?  Does liquor become a truth serum that helps you reveal your real feelings?  If so, can it be used as an excuse when maybe you've gone too far?  If not, and liquor is just a good time drink, then why do people always act stupid when intoxicated?  Maybe liquor just triggers whatever button at the moment is dying to be pressed in your head, and causes a person to fly off the deep end or do something completely embarrassing, whether they've meant too or not?  I'd love your feedback friends.

 

Happy Blogging All!