Monday, October 17, 2011

Friends. How many of us have them?

*True Friends

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of “friendships.”  See to me friendships have always been a huge deal.  It’s not just, “Oh this is my friend so and so and we drink beers on the weekend, blah blah blah.”  No, that’s not it.  My friends have always been treated as if they’re a part of my family.  In my opinion, in some ways, friends are a little bit more important to me.  Now before I get the whole Latino community jumping down my back (as well as my own family members who read my blog) because family is huge for us, let me explain.  With family, you’re born into it.  Like them or not, love them or not, you’re stuck with each other forever.  You’re like squatters in each other’s lives;  Like that unsightly mole; Like an eyelash on your face that you keep trying to wipe away but just stays there!  You get the point.  I’m actually fortunate that many of my family members I can actually, tolerate and can consider good friends.  However, there are SOME members that I could surely do without; I’d give anything to have those moles surgically removed.  But that’s a different topic for a different day.

Friends are people YOU CHOOSE to have in your life.  When you meet someone, it’s completely your decision if you want to invest in them or not.  You can tell by a few meetings if this person is worth your time and energy, or not; much like any other relationship.  Now I’ve always chosen my friends by who’s most compatible with me, relates to me and can understand my sarcastic humor.  It’s the same way I’ve chosen the men I’ve dated.  Needless to say, my luck with friends hasn’t always been the best either!  See I find that the people you hang around with reflect the person you are.  My best friend for instance, is a sarcastic, witty, intelligent and a crazy gal.  Just like me!... Before I move on, I must add that you should never use the term “best friends” for everyone.  A best friend is someone who’s with you through thick and thin.  That person that you can call at 2am and they know it’s you and they know to get to the nearest bank to bail you out…  Then there are other friends, who though you may not have tons of things in common, you know that there are parts of them that you see in yourself; parts of yourself you wish to bring out, and they help you with that.  And then there are those “friends” that you thought you had things in common with or felt a connection to, and just like that douchebag ex-boyfriend of yours, they show their true colors and you’re blindsided by the “not so friendly” person that they truly are.

As we all know, family can, and most likely, will screw you over at one point in time.  But they’re family and you have to accept them.  Now when friends do it, while you can easily cast them off to the side and say, “good riddance to bad rubbish”, sometimes the pain stings a little more.  Why?   Well because you’ve opened yourself up to this person. You made the choice to let them in, thinking your assessment of the person was spot on, and you’re basically shown that you were dead wrong!  It can make you reevaluate other friendships and your own (what you thought to be) good judgment.  You start to wonder how you could have been so wrong about someone.  In fact you might start to feel a little stupid for having been so gullible.   And it doesn’t always have to be that they’ve done something terrible to you, i.e. burned down your house or anything like that.  It could just be their attitude and personality that changes.  Or you could realize that you’ve had blinders on to this person for whatever reason, and then BOOM, they’re different.  For example I had a best friend for years and we were almost inseparable.  And then one day she was dating, then getting pregnant, then getting engaged and poof it was as if she was gone.  It was like a relationship where the sex stopped being good, so you venture out.  It felt as if the friendship stopped being good, and it wasn’t worth keeping up with it.  And I understand we grow up and move on, and start lives on our own, but I never imagined that our friendship would just sizzle out.  While I'm sure I played a part in this as well (I guess we all change), it really hurt and still does.  See I use this as an example because I have another friend who has gone through the same process of “growing up” and we continue to be relevant and constant in each other’s lives.  It just gets a little sad when, as you grow up, you start to realize, as painful as it maybe, that all of your relationships aren’t as solid as you thought.  It’s not always rainbows and cotton candy.

So what does friendship mean to you?  Do you hold your friends in high regard or do friends just come and go for you?  I’m curious to see if I’m the only one that values my friendships as dearly as I value my relationships with my family member (if not more in some cases).  Hey, sometimes when family isn’t there, it’s those really good friends that are by your side when you lose your balance.

Happy Blogging All!


  1. Wow, been waiting for a post from you and BAM...kudos for the post! I def can relate with holding friendships in high regards. People confuse acquaintances with friendship and they are not interchangeable.

  2. My friends are my family. I do have acquaintances but it's not the same thing. People you have a drink with after work or go out with for an occasional lunch or dinner. Then there are the ones that I've known since childhood. Those are the ones it hurts to be distant from. However, I'm a lucky soul. I can tell who my true friends are and who my fair weather friends are. My true friends have been there when I needed them and not just when they needed me. I also have fair weather friends who are there when they need me but are no where to be found when I reach out to them. I live. I learn. I laugh when they "find" me again when they find renewed reasons and can't understand why I'm not readily available. that ex that dumps you like a dirty diaper......I get over the friend after I get over the stabbing pain in my heart from desertion and betrayal. Friends should be as unconditional as lovers. Just saying. p.s. I have the best friends in the world and every single one of them know who they are. My bestest friend doesn't even live near me but she's in my life daily. I love her. I have her back and she's got mine. We grew up. We grew apart as we got older and our lives took different turns BUT we found each other again. True love is true love. Love story. :)