Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Open Letter To Our Dear Men...

It's hard dating nowadays.  There are so many things that either attract us to the opposite sex or things that make us run for the hills.  Some of those things can't be helped.  For example, he might have a lisp.  Then there are things that can be helped.  For example, he insists, after the age of 21, on getting designs and writings on his head.  Now remember, I'm a woman, so of course I'm going to speak from a woman's point of view. So before I get men writing to me asking me to stop bashing them, just know that isn't my intention.  I'm just pointing out some things that I believe men just should not be doing, wearing or saying.  And I'm pretty sure that after reading my list, some guy out there is going to write a list of what he thinks women should stop doing, and that is a-okay with me!


  1. No Jeggings. It's just wrong. First of all, you should NEVER look better in a pair of tight jeans, than your partner.  Nor should anyone ever see your twig and berries through your pants...Unless you're in a Calvin Klien ad; but that's different. Jeggings just does not help your attempt to be sexy or your attempt to look like anything, but a girl, so STOP. 
  2. No Speedos. If you're not Michael Phelps, do not insist on wearing these anywhere. Not the beach, not the pool, not lake, not no where!  I don't care if your family has a pool and you're just wearing it there. Its not attractive.
  3. No Tighty Whities. These are just never acceptable unless you're in your late 60's and over.  There is nothing sexy about seeing a man in these things when you're about to get it on.  It looks sloppy and gross. The image alone has just made me want to puke.
  4. No Long Shorts.  If your shorts are so long that they really just look like high water jeans, just buy jeans! You look stupid!  And if you're past the age of 17, they shouldn't be hanging below your waist line.
  5. Yes Manscape.  Yea, I'm gonna need you to seriously start working on the manscaping.  What do I mean?  Well I get you're a man's man and you have under arm hair and chest hair and so forth. That's fine. But it's not great if I can braid it, brush it or I find it stuck in the pillows and can't tell if its hair off my head or hair off of your whatever. And by the way, manscaping should be done everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Speaking of hairy situations...
  6. Cut The Long Beard.  So you finally got facial hair. Yay for you!!!!  Now that we all know you've reached puberty, let it go.  I find it ridiculous when men grow their beards out, especially when it's only in the center.  When I kiss you, I don't want to feel like I'm about to go down on a woman from a 1970's porno. If I wanted to date a lesbian, I would. CUT IT!
  7. No Thong Sandals. I have never in all my years of being on this planet met a man who can pull off Thong Sandals.  Men's feet, are point blank, not cute.  They're not hideous, but they're not cute.  No one wants to see your icky toes or the hair that's growing out of them; again MANSCAPE.  I'm not saying you can't wear sandals; of course you can. But wear the ones that where you just see the toes, but not really the knuckle of the toe. You know what I'm talking about.
  8. NO SOCKS AND SANDALS! And seriously, this goes for ladies too. Think about it for a second. Sandals are worn so your feet can feel free for a while.  Let them get air and breath. Wearing socks with sandals defeats the sole purpose of sandals. It's useless! Just wear sneakers if you're that desperate to wear socks.
  9. No Ed Hardy. Only douchebags wear this clothing.  Unless that's the look you're going for. Then by all means. I guess we'll just take it as the universal uniform.  
  10. No Silly Bands.  Are you a 10 year old girl gossiping on the phone with your friends about Justin Bieber and Wizards of Waverly Place? No? Then knock it off!
  11. Cut Down On The Video Games. Okay, I love video games, especially racing ones.  But when you ignore a girl because you're on some uber level of whatever game just came out that week and you're on the headset with the boys and you can't let them down blah blah blah, there's a problem.  Girl or Video Game... No better yet.... Sex or Video Game. Your answer should always be SEX!
  12. Cut The Long Hair.  I have never been a fan of long hair, but I'll admit on SOME it works.  But, while there are exceptions, here's where you men go to far.  If you're past the age of 20 (and I'm being soooo generous with that age) you should not be parting your hair and wearing pigtails or braids or pony tails of any kind!  You look like a complete idiot and NO ONE is taking you serious.... Continuing with this, hair should just be clean cut. I should be listening to words coming out of your mouth, not trying to figure out what's written on your head. 
  13. No Hissing, Lewd Comments, etc.  I think it goes without saying that real men do not sound like air being let out of tires, nor do women want to be told "Mira Mami, Vien Aqui, blah blah blah."  Yes, of course. I'm running right over because obviously you have such interesting dialogue to exchange with me.  Pfff, please.  And last I checked, I'm childless, thanks.
  14. Stop Cursing Us Out When We Don't Respond.  So I didn't turn around when you hissed at me like a cockroach. Am I really a bitch? No, I just don't respond to that, and in all honesty if that's the type of girl you're looking for, then you should know you're wasting your time. Don't throw some verbal tantrum just because your charming words didn't get me to turn my head. Get over it.  
  15. Stop Being a Douche!!  WTF happened to manners and chivalry?  The other day I was on the train, and this man really ran for a seat, as a VERY pregnant lady was trying to waddle over to it.  And no, he did not get up!  Women love manly men. Women do not love Douchebags! At least wear the uniform so we see you coming.
I've covered at least the main things that bother me about men.  And trust me there are tons more, but I figured this is what I'd start with.  You're all more than welcome to add your own thoughts in the comments section; I'd actually REALLY like to hear/read them.  And to my beautiful, sexy, great men I would also LOVE to hear from you ;).  What is it about us crazy ladies that you think we should stop doing/wearing/saying? SHARE PEOPLE!

Happy Blogging All!


  1. OMG I'm gonna RT, Facebook and comment because you made me laugh so hard. You are too funny but oh so right!!! BRAVO!

  2. LMFAO I can't stop laughing this one really cracked me up!! You really hit the nail on the head here LOL

  3. you are mad funny...rest assured, Chivalry is not dead, just hijacked by the arm chair quarterback. Thankfully I don't watch tV.