Sunday, September 11, 2011

What If Tomorrow Didn't Come?

I tried to let the day go by without saying anything or touching on this topic.  I figured there are enough television specials and memorials to remind us what happened 10 years ago today, that I didn't need to add to it.  But in viewing all of the coverage and being alone with my own thoughts, all these different feelings began to muster up inside of me.

10 years ago I was a Sophomore in college and I was getting ready for my government class, which I couldn't stand.  My professor was an older man with such a thick accent, I dreaded every lecture.  As always, in the morning I watch TV. Sometimes TBS to watch Saved By The Bell or MTV to watch music videos.  But I always start with channel 11 news to see the weather and if they'll be any train delays.  As I was getting dressed I wasn't really paying attention to what they were saying, but at one point something just made me look at the screen.  As I turned, I saw the second plane hit the tower.  I was in shock, but at that moment it didn't dawn on me how serious it was.  I walked downstairs as my mother was about to leave and said, " Mom, they said terrorist just hit the World Trade Center towers with a Plane. I think I saw it."  She looked at me as if I was saying, "It might rain, don't forget an umbrella." and said, "Oh, freaking terrorist man. Okay, I'll see you later." And went to work.  I guess as New Yorkers always being the victim or possible victim of attacks, we were kind of desensitized  and jaded to the idea that something major may be happening for real.  So she left, and I got my book bag and left too.  I was on the 2 train on 135 street, when they stopped and said that due to train traffic we were being delayed.  15 minutes later they told us we had to get off, because no trains were going into the city.  And that's when I realized something really bad had happened.

After 9/11, I kept thinking of all the innocent people who had lost their lives. their families and friends who had lost their loved ones.  I was and still am extremely grateful that I didn't lose anyone I knew personally, especially because one of my mother's cousin's worked in one of the buildings as a maintenance man.  We later found out that he had been told to go back to work when the first plane hit, but trusting his gut, he left immediately.  But nonetheless, I still felt like I lost something.  It sounds strange, but I thought of people I smile at on the street randomly; you know when you happen to lock eyes.  Or someone I may have held the door for or given up a seat on the train too.  I thought of those people and wondered if any of them were in that building, or on one of those planes.  Then I thought of all the people that got to work early that day or the people that were late. People that missed the train, got stuck in traffic or decided to change their clothes and were basically, saved for lack of a better word, from this tragedy.  I thought of all the people who probably had had a fight with someone that morning or the night before.  The things they may have been said that weren't meant, or even the things that some people wanted to say and never could.  I thought of people who had probably planned trips or even lunch dates for that day, and never got to experience them.  It made me think of all the times I have said, "Oh, I'll do it tomorrow." or "Oh, I'll call that person tomorrow."  But this experience showed me point blank, "What if tomorrow didn't come?"

What makes this more upsetting is that I still do those things. I think I'll see so and so tomorrow, or i'll apply to that job tomorrow. I even think, oh I'll write that blog tomorrow.  Even after 10 years, I still make the mistake of thinking that tomorrow will come, when in reality tomorrow is promised to no one.  We make so many excuses for ourselves out of being lazy or just thinking that time is ours to waste, that sometimes we just don't go for it.  And I've written about this before, and it's sad because it's a thought that's always on my mind, but yet I don't always make the changes that need to be made in my life, a priority.  A day like today is always that burst of reality, that wake up call, that sometimes is just needed.  It's great to think of just going with the flow and see where the wind takes you, because then you don't have to really make decisions and possibly mess up.  But what good is it to sit and wait for life to move you? You need to move life on your own.  So if there's a trip you've been meaning to take, go for it.  If you've had an argument with someone and have been holding a grudge, let it go; if not for them for yourself.  If there's a big decision you've been meaning to make, make it.  If you love someone tell them.  Because if tomorrow doesn't come, you won't be able to say, I'll do it then.

My heart and prayers go out to all of the victims souls, their families, their friends and their colleagues.  And to all the heroes, thank you for your courage and strength.  May God protect us all.

Happy Blogging All!

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for a beautiful touching blog. Proud to call u my niece, luv u kiddo. <3