Thursday, December 1, 2011

The Experiment Continues...

*Special Note: I started writing this blog the weekend before Thanksgiving and deleted my dating profile shortly after.*

Ladies & Gentleman, I have moved forward in my experiment and added 1 photo to my dating profile. ::Enter Applause Here::  And Ladies & Gentleman, with that one photo, the initial 45 messages I had received on night 1, more than tripled on night 4!  I know, how exciting right?!  What a little eye candy can do for a guy; I mean just one picture!  I already knew that as human's, we're driven by the flesh more than anything else.  But hot damn I had tons of request, flirts, emails, etc.  Naturally I looked through them to see what my cute little self could attract.  I like to think of myself as a little tasty dish, so why not indulge in these fine mens' words of sweet nothings, even if I don't intend to stay on or write back. You never know, someone might catch my eye...  Well my dear readers, if you ever wanted to feel like you're a hideous creature crawling out of some sewer in Hunts Point with boils on your face, a hump in your back and a limp in your step, this.will. do it.  HOLY MOSES ON THE ARK!!!  (I'm aware it was Noah! But that's how shocked I was; I forgot my religious studies.)  If these are the only men attracted to me, it's gonna be me and the 3 digits for a very, very long time.  I've said it before, I won't say I'm drop dead gorgeous, but I can't begin to imagine that that's all I can get.  Maybe that's bitchy of me to say, and laugh if you want, but damnit, I was insulted!  I swear it was like the weirdest, creepiest and most unattractive men had a meeting, said lets get on this site and only hit up this one girl.  Men my grandfather's age. dad's age, Gollum and men who looked like serial killers were hitting me up. "Oh, she must be busy so lets send her seven messages, to ensure she gets this one!"  That is what I got my friends and I couldn't even deal.

Now remember, this was only an experiment. I am not looking to date, and will be removing my profile by weeks end.  (Profile has since been removed.)

So lets get a little deeper into the utter horror scene that was my request lists.  Here are just a few examples of some choice names/words and images I found while exploring this dating site and the "suitors" that contacted me.  If your online dating profile's name is anything like the below, you have photos like anything mentioned below, you're a creep like the men mentioned below, etc., you need to re-evaluate a lot of things in your dating life or rather, your entire life!  Even if you're just looking for booty, these names/words will NOT help you with that fight, unless your quest involves statutory rape of a 15 year old Catholic School girl:

AmorCaliente - Yea, I'm thinking that means you have some kind of itchy STD that you should get taken care of pronto! No thanks.
Papi/Chulo - 1. Stop the nonsense; you're NOT hot.  We ALL know you look like CULO!  Especially when you take those photos that we basically only see your eyes or you're 1 of 4 men in the photo.  2. You're obviously not looking for a serious relationship, so that should be reflected in your profile.
MoMoney (or anything that has money or dollars in the name) - Chances are you have none, or if you do, you're a drug dealer or a pimp.  While the money is great, I'm no longer a co-ed.
LatinLover - You have a small penis.
Gamer - You've been playing alone for a loooooooong time.
Attractive/Sexy - You're not.
Dark lighting where we only see your eyes - You'll most likely meet up with me, drug me and chop me up into little pieces while jacking off to my hair aka You're a CREEP!
Shirtless photos showing "the gun show" (I just threw up) - You used to be the fat kid with boobies that people pinched.  No girl would talk to you and all the other guys in your class made fun of you.  So now you're showing off your new found body in hopes that those girls will now find you sexy.  You're like a child with a new toy you want no one to play with. GROW UP.
You send more than one message to the same girl & it says the same thing - You haven't had sex in years and will bang anything that lightly brushes your foot aka You're a CREEP!
Photos of you near cars and scantily clad women...okay, whores - You have a small penis and truly don't know anything about what interest real women.
You're writing to women who are clearly young enough to be your daughter, or granddaughter - You're in a midlife crisis and hoping young vag will help you out of it aka You're a CREEP!

So yes, these were (just a few) of the men, and I'm using that term LOOSELY, that I found trying to contact me on this particular site.  I can't say that all sites are like this, or that even all men are like this; I know there are some good ones...there has to be.  However, this has made me see clearer and understand why so many people are into the Friends With Benefits idea.  If I could, I would probably go back on my word and start applying that rule in my own life.

In all seriousness, is that what dating has come to?  Is that all that is to be expected?  Eventually being single will run it's course and I'm going to want to date someone seriously.  And if this is what is out there, I might just ignore that idea and stick to having dogs (I don't like cats.) Or maybe snakes.  I could be like the crazy cat lady on The Simpsons, but be Crazy Snake lady, and throw snakes at people when they walk by my house.  Yea, some how that sounds like a much better plan than dating any of these fools.  I can say this for one thing, it was a very interesting and enlightening experiment.

Happy Blogging All!


  1. Those small penis's internet dare they make you feel like you got boils on your face...No bueno...May be it is a good thing you deleted that account...

  2. Wow dating is freaking hard work! At least you got your family ;) This is one of the reasons I am so HAPPY to be married to the one I love. Good luck!

  3. Yes, thank GOD for my family and friends...& Cynthia, yes, it's a GREAT thing I deleted it. LOL. But it made for some good writing material if I do say so myself.

  4. OMG IM CRACKING UP!! Steve's name was BKLatinLover at one time hahhahahahahahaha im dying here OMG!!!! I can't I can't....thanks for the laugh! LOL

  5. What if your name is "BigDilznickJohnson420XXprofessionalTongueAndFamilyMan"?

  6. I didn't even post a pic. Just my age. I got men 15 to 20 years older than me. And when I sent photos to the ones my own age that seemed interested I didn't even get a response. I probably seemed too old to men my own age. The sad part was I have it more together and am more attractive than these jokers so I can tell they feel threatened by my awesomeness. Losers!! This is why I don't bother to join and like you just experiment to see what's out there and give myself a wake up call that it's not the thing to do right now.

  7. AHAHAHAHAHA OMG! Chris, you're so crazy. But no, that name doesn't work either... Oh Amanda, you should've went running for the hills. LOL. But he's cool peeps, so I'll excuse it; he's one of the rare ones...Anonymous, it's definitely a wake up call. I'm sorry, but we just can't help how freakin' amazing we are that these yahoos just don't understand. Oh well, this is why I just hang out with my friends and keep on moving along.

  8. ROFL at "We ALL know you look like CULO!" OMG, thanks for the laugh. If it is hard for a young woman like you, imagine how it is for women over 40! LOL

  9. The picture at the top is so true & made me LOL! It takes a lot of time and patience to find soemthing that even remotely resembles what you are looking for. I had a creepy guy messaging me. He looked like a serial killer and he kept sending me the same message over & over. Good times, lol!