Delusions of Grandeur

In today's world, and heck probably before our time, people have a tendency to stretch the truth or just out right lie.  Lies can start of small and work themselves into bigger and deeper ones.  Now you all know how I feel about lying, no matter how small it is.  I truly don't see the point in it.  I've always tried to speak my mind and tell people how I feel, even if I know it will upset them.  And yes, this goes for people I don't know either.  When I meet someone, I don't feel it necessary to hold back, but I also don't find it necessary to lie or talk myself up into something I'm not.  That brings us to the topic at hand.

Lately I've been dating and meeting new "men", and I've found they all have one common trait: they're all full of shit!  Now don't get me wrong, before I get men attacking me for once again not giving them the benefit of the doubt. I'm not saying EVERY man lies or is full of it.  However, in my experience, it just seems to go hand in hand with men.  Lying comes as naturally as scratching their balls; it's in their genes.  And you know what, it's actually not just my experience.  I was hanging out with a friend recently and she told me a story of how she met a great guy and they started on that journey of "getting to know you."  He talked about how he wanted to find a great girl and settle down. He told her all these great things, and it wasn't that she ate it up with a spoon, but she had no reason to believe he was lying.  She didn't necessary fall for everything he was selling, but she felt she could at least relate & agree with him.  They decided to go on a date, and when it was about to end, he suggested her going with him to meet his parents, that evening.  She thought, it was a bit much too soon, so she declined.  For about two weeks they continuing speaking & things seemed to be going well.  But then, it began to dwindle to almost nothing.  She decided to contact him one day and tell him she thought his communication was slipping.  Suddenly the guy who was ready to settle down & find a great girl, told her that she needed someone who was more attentive and that the timing was off.  Now most people reading this are probably thinking, "Well you can't believe everything people tell you." or "Well he was probably only looking for one thing, and told you all those things to try and get it." Except, friends, he didn't even get IT.  And if it was for that, then don't you think he went about it the wrong way?! So then why all the bullshit in the beginning, to then just go MIA; what was the purpose?!

Now that brings me to the two instances that I have gone through.  The first is a guy who I've always had a crush on.  Smart, funny, great job and total player.  I figured out long ago that he would probably just be a friends with benefits kind of "friend" and as much as I liked him, I thought, so be it.  And while you all know I DON'T condone that kind of relationship, sometimes a girls "needs" need to be met; SORRY MOM, but come on, am I right ladies... *wait's for high fives*... Moving along.  Now I told this guy that I understood that this was the nature of our relationship and I was completely okay with it.  But he kept saying, "Well let's see where it goes." and, "You never know." and blah blah blah.  He kept saying all these things, that I suppose he thought I wanted to hear. But I didn't. I was completely comfortable with what was going on and I made it quite clear I was. So again, why all the bullshit?  We both know what this is, so who exactly are you trying to convince here? Or is that what you really want? And that's where more confusion comes in.

My second situation, and I'll keep this short, happened more recently.  I met someone, who at first my gut said, "You should steer clear from of situation.", however none of the reasons I thought of were, he's going to try and sell you some story.  We spoke for a short time, and it was actually a great conversation.  During our talk he told me about what he was looking for, blah blah blah and how into me he was and that we should try to see where things could go and even mentioned going on a date soon.  I decided to throw caution to the wind (and yes, I know you're thinking, "Hello, they signs were already there", but they weren't the signs you think.) I said okay, lets see where it could go.  We spoke for a few days and then *POOF*, he mysteriously, and with no explanation, pulled a Houdini and vanished.  It made completely no sense to me.  You pursued me and said you wanted to go on a date; not the other way around.  So of course I'm left saying, "Huh? What was the point of saying all that stuff?"

Now I've asked others, men and woman alike, why these guys would lie and feed us these bullshit fantasy lines. They say, simply because we believe it.  I've been told that women should never buy into what men say and that we should always assume that men will always make things up, make themselves out to be these great people and will just basically be douchebags.  So my question is, if I'm suppose to assume that everything that comes out of a man's mouth is pure garbage, then how am I suppose to ever get into and make a relationship work?  How do people move into that next phase, if they're already going into the situation assuming the worse of the person?  Now I'm not saying you should believe every single thing a person says, and of course you should be cautious. However, I just can't fathom being able to really get to know someone by playing these games and believing every person I meet is going to bullshit me; especially not at my age.  See, those things were cute when we were in our early 20's, but at this point, you would think, even if someone didn't want a relationship, the could at least be honest and upfront and say what it is they do want.  And if we are to accept the idea that everyone has an agenda and will lie to you, then what about the lines of, "You can't carry the baggage of what someone did to you before, into the future" or "You can't believe everyone is a liar."  If I'm believing everything he says is a lie, isn't that exactly what I'm doing?

Dating is a confusing thing and if this is what the "game" is, then I'd like no part of it. No, thanks! So I'm thinking, ladies, that we just get ourselves a great vibrator, and that'll probably be our best bet for now. And no, that is NOT bitter.  That simply means, we've gotta have some kind of fun until the men decide to wise up and be honest; no matter what that honesty entails.  So lets grab a glass of wine, read our filthy 50 Shades of whatever and say, "Screw you relationships & your delusions of grandeur!" :)

No Longer Accepting Delusions,
La Latina Loquita

Why Do The Good Girls, Always Want The Bad Boys?

First and foremost, Happy New Year.  Yea, I know it's March, but if you hadn't noticed, I've been a little MIA.  Thanks to those who still come to read my crazy nonsense, that more than half the time makes no sense to normal minds.  For those who do get me, welcome to the dark side.  And now (HOPEFULLY) we shall continue to show how wacked out we are, together.

So as the lyric in No Doubt's song "Bathwater" goes, "Why do the good girls, always want the bad boys?"  I don't think there can ever be a clear answer to this question.  History repeats itself, and it has shown time and time again that the bad boys always break the good girls heart.  And then you just get bitter girls with issues, who when they do get into a relationship with the next guy, bring all that baggage into the relationship.  Only on television and in movies does the bad boy eventually see what the good girl has to offer, and then boom, he's reformed. BARF!  But we know better, or at least should, and know that that bullshit only works in fairy tales.  Case in point: Sex & The City.  So after six years of treating her like a toy you play with when you're board, he married someone else, she got engaged, blah blah blah and then**SPOILER ALERT- READ NO FURTHER IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT...No, really, if you're a woman reading my blogs and don't know the ending, never read my blog again. ;)**  Carrie and Big finally get together.  Now tell me, was I the only one that called "BULLSHIT" at that last episode?  Or even more so, when he continued to fuck her over on the big screen with the whole wedding fiasco.  I thought, this woman is a total fucking idiot.  And then I realized, "Jesus Christ, this woman is me!"

Now you all know I watch  A LOT of television.  And in the years where I've super glued myself to the TV, there have been quite a few shows that have mimicked things in my life.  Sex & The City however, felt like it was based on a particular story line in my own life.  See ladies & gentleman, I too have had a Mr. Big.  Mr Big: the guy that no matter how many times has broken your heart and made you feel like garbage on numerous occasions, still some how manages to find himself on a pedestal in your life.  Now you don't really blame Mr. Big, because he makes it blatantly obvious that he does not want a relationship.  He's not a bad person and has even showed you his inner soft side. Awwwww, right?  BUT, when it seems you're getting to close, they back off and become, distant & unavailable. You know, their way of making sure you don't get to close.  AND when you seem to be slipping from his grasp and you're finally freeing yourself of the spell a.k.a penis, his radar goes off & it starts all over again.  No seriously, I believe every Mr.Big type guy, goes to a special store that has some type of invisible radar for sale.  Then when they're with you, they stick on you somewhere, then BOOM!  Whenever you're really vulnerable, that thing goes off like the bat signal and he's back for more, and your in for more, and you (well, me) go back into "Pendeja Mode".

So back to the question at hand, "Why do the good girls, always want the bad boys?"  My opinion is, besides the obvious that Mr. Big is probably gorgeous, has an exceptional body and the sex is amazing...Wait, why was I saying it like this was a problem??..... Oh yea, right.  So my opinion is that we kinda need that bad boy in our lives.  We tend to need (or like) a little drama and suspense in our romantic lives.  Having you're own Mr.Big teaches you how to catch on to the next Mr.Big that tries to come in and dazzle you with his charm. But most of all, you're able to better recognize when Mr.Right comes in to your life.  And while it sounds cliche and half the time I have a hard time believing it myself, Mr.Right is out there.

So readers, what to do you think?  Do you find that good girls always want bad boys?  AND, do any of you have a Mr.Big story?  Share you're thoughts peeps!

Til Next Time...
La Latina Loquita

The Experiment Continues...

Photo Credit - *Internet Dating*

*Special Note: I started writing this blog the weekend before Thanksgiving and deleted my dating profile shortly after.*

Ladies & Gentleman, I have moved forward in my experiment and added 1 photo to my dating profile. ::Enter Applause Here::  And Ladies & Gentleman, with that one photo, the initial 45 messages I had received on night 1, more than tripled on night 4!  I know, how exciting right?!  What a little eye candy can do for a guy; I mean just one picture!  I already knew that as human's, we're driven by the flesh more than anything else.  But hot damn I had tons of request, flirts, emails, etc.  Naturally I looked through them to see what my cute little self could attract.  I like to think of myself as a little tasty dish, so why not indulge in these fine mens' words of sweet nothings, even if I don't intend to stay on or write back. You never know, someone might catch my eye...  Well my dear readers, if you ever wanted to feel like you're a hideous creature crawling out of some sewer in Hunts Point with boils on your face, a hump in your back and a limp in your step, this.will. do it.  HOLY MOSES ON THE ARK!!!  (I'm aware it was Noah! But that's how shocked I was; I forgot my religious studies.)  If these are the only men attracted to me, it's gonna be me and the 3 digits for a very, very long time.  I've said it before, I won't say I'm drop dead gorgeous, but I can't begin to imagine that that's all I can get.  Maybe that's bitchy of me to say, and laugh if you want, but damnit, I was insulted!  I swear it was like the weirdest, creepiest and most unattractive men had a meeting, said lets get on this site and only hit up this one girl.  Men my grandfather's age. dad's age, Gollum and men who looked like serial killers were hitting me up. "Oh, she must be busy so lets send her seven messages, to ensure she gets this one!"  That is what I got my friends and I couldn't even deal.

Now remember, this was only an experiment. I am not looking to date, and will be removing my profile by weeks end.  (Profile has since been removed.)

So lets get a little deeper into the utter horror scene that was my request lists.  Here are just a few examples of some choice names/words and images I found while exploring this dating site and the "suitors" that contacted me.  If your online dating profile's name is anything like the below, you have photos like anything mentioned below, you're a creep like the men mentioned below, etc., you need to re-evaluate a lot of things in your dating life or rather, your entire life!  Even if you're just looking for booty, these names/words will NOT help you with that fight, unless your quest involves statutory rape of a 15 year old Catholic School girl:

AmorCaliente - Yea, I'm thinking that means you have some kind of itchy STD that you should get taken care of pronto! No thanks.
Papi/Chulo - 1. Stop the nonsense; you're NOT hot.  We ALL know you look like CULO!  Especially when you take those photos that we basically only see your eyes or you're 1 of 4 men in the photo.  2. You're obviously not looking for a serious relationship, so that should be reflected in your profile.
MoMoney (or anything that has money or dollars in the name) - Chances are you have none, or if you do, you're a drug dealer or a pimp.  While the money is great, I'm no longer a co-ed.
LatinLover - You have a small penis.
Gamer - You've been playing alone for a loooooooong time.
Attractive/Sexy - You're not.
Dark lighting where we only see your eyes - You'll most likely meet up with me, drug me and chop me up into little pieces while jacking off to my hair aka You're a CREEP!
Shirtless photos showing "the gun show" (I just threw up) - You used to be the fat kid with boobies that people pinched.  No girl would talk to you and all the other guys in your class made fun of you.  So now you're showing off your new found body in hopes that those girls will now find you sexy.  You're like a child with a new toy you want no one to play with. GROW UP.
You send more than one message to the same girl & it says the same thing - You haven't had sex in years and will bang anything that lightly brushes your foot aka You're a CREEP!
Photos of you near cars and scantily clad women...okay, whores - You have a small penis and truly don't know anything about what interest real women.
You're writing to women who are clearly young enough to be your daughter, or granddaughter - You're in a midlife crisis and hoping young vag will help you out of it aka You're a CREEP!

So yes, these were (just a few) of the men, and I'm using that term LOOSELY, that I found trying to contact me on this particular site.  I can't say that all sites are like this, or that even all men are like this; I know there are some good ones...there has to be.  However, this has made me see clearer and understand why so many people are into the Friends With Benefits idea.  If I could, I would probably go back on my word and start applying that rule in my own life.

In all seriousness, is that what dating has come to?  Is that all that is to be expected?  Eventually being single will run it's course and I'm going to want to date someone seriously.  And if this is what is out there, I might just ignore that idea and stick to having dogs (I don't like cats.) Or maybe snakes.  I could be like the crazy cat lady on The Simpsons, but be Crazy Snake lady, and throw snakes at people when they walk by my house.  Yea, some how that sounds like a much better plan than dating any of these fools.  I can say this for one thing, it was a very interesting and enlightening experiment.

Happy Blogging All!

If That's What's Left, I'm Screwed...

The other day I was talking with a few of my girlfriends about dating.  Yes, dating, what a weird concept, I know.  It seems nowadays dating isn't anything more than going out to the movies or dinner, and then being expected to give up the goods that night.  I guess that makes a good relationship.  Anyway, we questioned what happened to the days of wining and dining.  And it's not like we're talking about fancy restaurants and expensive Broadway shows for a first date, but something that shows you're interesting in more than a roll in the hay.  Now if that's what you're looking for, that's fine, to each his/her own.  But I'm sure, or at least I'm hoping, that that is something that is discussed before hand.  I know I'm looking for a real relationship, and I know the type of person I want it with and the type of person I don't.  So why is it that even though a man will know you're looking for more than what they're offering, will they "pretend" that they want the same thing?  I won't put the blame completely on the man, so relax gentleman.  Because ladies we should know better too.  However, if someone tells you (for example)  "I want the blue car", why would you say "Sure the blue car is available" when in fact only car left on the light is some crappy white car one?  I hope my analogy didn't throw anyone off; I'm trying to connect to the men and women here.

So I went on a dating website and set up a profile.  If you know me, you know that I've done the online dating thing a few times.  One of which I was engaged too, but that's a different story for a different day.  So I'm sort of an old pro at these sites.  Anyway, I set up the profile and wrote out what I'm looking for and not, and BAM about 45 men had either looked at the profile or written.  When I tell you I was simply appalled by the responses, I'm downplaying my disgust.  I had specifically said please do not contact me if you're over the age of 35.  I had 50 year old men contacting me. I do not want to feel like I'm dating my uncle or my father, so that really creeps me out!  I had also asked that if you have children, to be aware that I am really not fond of them, nor do I intend on having any.  I had 5 fathers, who either didn't read the profile or didn't care, ask me out for this weekend! I shit you not.  You know nothing about me, and you want to go on a date that quickly?  And I had also mentioned how I'm big on Reality TV and Gossip, because I find it extremely funny and entertaining.  One guy had actually written in his profile that he was looking for a girl not into pop culture. HELLO???? Are you even reading what women are writing?  Or are you just that eager to either meet and/or bang a woman, that ya just don't give a rats ass.  And I'd like to see it must be my stunning good looks that got them, but no.  I didn't even put up a photo yet!

Oh and the photos, dear God, the photos!! One guy was doing the signature GIRL pose, where the lips are pursed out.  And for some godforsaken reason he had lip gloss on!!  His lips were soooo shiny, I was blinded, and yet a little drawn in. I wonder if he got that gloss at MAC.  And then you have the guy who has 3 guys in the photo, so you're playing the guessing game on which one is the fella you're interested in.  Or the guy who takes photos with sunglasses on.  I think that one is self explanatory.  There's also the guy who takes all his photos 40 ft away from the camera.  Are you a ghost? I don't get it.  And then finally, and I'd like to know why, many of the men had hats on.  Now I have this thing with my girlfriends called, "Hat Syndrome."  What is Hat Syndrome?  Well it's when a guy looks really hot and sexy with a hat on. Something about him is a little dark and mysterious; he just looks good.  And then he takes the hat off and it's like the boggie man from your childhood has just reemerged. He went from looking like Joe Manganiello to Steve Buscemi all with the removal of a hat.  And while I don't want to say all relationships/dating/whatever is based solely on looks; cause lord knows it's NOT.  You do have to have some type of attraction to the person, physically, for things to at least get off the ground.  Don't you?

So I'm not beating up on men here, I'm sure women have their share of stupid things they say or do on dating sites. HOWEVER I am a woman, so I'm going to obviously come from a woman's point of view.  So tell me is dating just a dying fad?  Do people just jump into relationship and not get to know each other? Or are people just banging each other like rabbits, and okay with that?  I once had a guy tell me he wouldn't settle down until maybe he was 40.  My uncle also told me that he didn't realize what he wanted until he was 38.  So is that what awaits women who are ready to be in relationships now? Date your "dad" or wait until the man of your dreams (or so to speak) is ready when your eggs are dried up and gone?  What do you think my dear blog readers/friends?

Happy Blogging All!

P.S. For the "Anonymous" Blogger Gangster who wrote the "These blogs suck..." on my last blog, Thank you!!!!!!  You my dear, are exactly why I will keep writing. :)

Friends. How many of us have them?

*True Friends

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of “friendships.”  See to me friendships have always been a huge deal.  It’s not just, “Oh this is my friend so and so and we drink beers on the weekend, blah blah blah.”  No, that’s not it.  My friends have always been treated as if they’re a part of my family.  In my opinion, in some ways, friends are a little bit more important to me.  Now before I get the whole Latino community jumping down my back (as well as my own family members who read my blog) because family is huge for us, let me explain.  With family, you’re born into it.  Like them or not, love them or not, you’re stuck with each other forever.  You’re like squatters in each other’s lives;  Like that unsightly mole; Like an eyelash on your face that you keep trying to wipe away but just stays there!  You get the point.  I’m actually fortunate that many of my family members I can actually, tolerate and can consider good friends.  However, there are SOME members that I could surely do without; I’d give anything to have those moles surgically removed.  But that’s a different topic for a different day.

Friends are people YOU CHOOSE to have in your life.  When you meet someone, it’s completely your decision if you want to invest in them or not.  You can tell by a few meetings if this person is worth your time and energy, or not; much like any other relationship.  Now I’ve always chosen my friends by who’s most compatible with me, relates to me and can understand my sarcastic humor.  It’s the same way I’ve chosen the men I’ve dated.  Needless to say, my luck with friends hasn’t always been the best either!  See I find that the people you hang around with reflect the person you are.  My best friend for instance, is a sarcastic, witty, intelligent and a crazy gal.  Just like me!... Before I move on, I must add that you should never use the term “best friends” for everyone.  A best friend is someone who’s with you through thick and thin.  That person that you can call at 2am and they know it’s you and they know to get to the nearest bank to bail you out…  Then there are other friends, who though you may not have tons of things in common, you know that there are parts of them that you see in yourself; parts of yourself you wish to bring out, and they help you with that.  And then there are those “friends” that you thought you had things in common with or felt a connection to, and just like that douchebag ex-boyfriend of yours, they show their true colors and you’re blindsided by the “not so friendly” person that they truly are.

As we all know, family can, and most likely, will screw you over at one point in time.  But they’re family and you have to accept them.  Now when friends do it, while you can easily cast them off to the side and say, “good riddance to bad rubbish”, sometimes the pain stings a little more.  Why?   Well because you’ve opened yourself up to this person. You made the choice to let them in, thinking your assessment of the person was spot on, and you’re basically shown that you were dead wrong!  It can make you reevaluate other friendships and your own (what you thought to be) good judgment.  You start to wonder how you could have been so wrong about someone.  In fact you might start to feel a little stupid for having been so gullible.   And it doesn’t always have to be that they’ve done something terrible to you, i.e. burned down your house or anything like that.  It could just be their attitude and personality that changes.  Or you could realize that you’ve had blinders on to this person for whatever reason, and then BOOM, they’re different.  For example I had a best friend for years and we were almost inseparable.  And then one day she was dating, then getting pregnant, then getting engaged and poof it was as if she was gone.  It was like a relationship where the sex stopped being good, so you venture out.  It felt as if the friendship stopped being good, and it wasn’t worth keeping up with it.  And I understand we grow up and move on, and start lives on our own, but I never imagined that our friendship would just sizzle out.  While I'm sure I played a part in this as well (I guess we all change), it really hurt and still does.  See I use this as an example because I have another friend who has gone through the same process of “growing up” and we continue to be relevant and constant in each other’s lives.  It just gets a little sad when, as you grow up, you start to realize, as painful as it maybe, that all of your relationships aren’t as solid as you thought.  It’s not always rainbows and cotton candy.

So what does friendship mean to you?  Do you hold your friends in high regard or do friends just come and go for you?  I’m curious to see if I’m the only one that values my friendships as dearly as I value my relationships with my family member (if not more in some cases).  Hey, sometimes when family isn’t there, it’s those really good friends that are by your side when you lose your balance.

Happy Blogging All!

They're Dead. Now What?

Being in a relationship, whether its Boyfriend & Girlfriend or Marriage, is a beautiful thing.  The bond between to people who are truly "in love" (sorry, I just threw up in my mouth a little at the "love" part) is something many people don't really get a chance to experience in their life time.  I suppose you could say it's a blessing of sorts, to be able to just focus on one person. Share your secrets, dreams and fantasies with them.  To be completely open with someone, knowing they will never judge you, and will always support you.  So with such a special and powerful gift like this, what is one to do when that person who makes there life worth while, is no longer there?  I'm single now, but when I have been in a relationship (long term of course) I've always had this morbid need to ask the person I'm seeing how long they would wait to begin dating if I died the next day.  I'd like to think I'm so fabulous that no one would never be able to compare to me.  Therefore leaving my poor significant other left to life of solitude, until he sees me again in the great beyond.  What? Too much you say.  Okay, so maybe if we're just dating he can move on... I guess.   But what about if we're married?  Can I be demanding about the "move on" situation then?

 

So how long do you think a spouse should wait before moving on?  Should they move on at all?  And what if there are children involved.  Should this new person be called mommy/daddy 2?  Or should they wait until those children are of an age where they can take care of themselves, to start getting their groove back again?  I know it's selfish to say, "Well if I'm dead, you shouldn't want to be with anyone ever again."  Because lets face it, no one wants to be alone forever, no matter what loner personality they have.  But it hurts to think that after such a beautiful relationship, they could even consider finding someone else to pick up the pieces.  So yes, I'd love to think no one will come after me, but the chances of that being a reality are about none.  So what I would expect as a compromise is for my picture to hang all around on dressers, walls, etc, voice recordings of yours truly to play throughout the house, and for you to wear my ashes around your neck.  I mean, come on, I don't think that's too much to ask... Right?... Alright, I went a little creepy psycho gal there for a moment.  But in all honestly, I'd like for the person to at least remember me and not throw me to the wind when the next best thing comes along. 

 

I guess depending how long you were together, should help you gage how long you should mourn.  For example, if you were dating for a year, then you should wait 4 years. LOL.  Okay, maybe that's too much, but you know what I mean.  You have to give it enough time to not only show respect to the deceased, but to show respect to that relationship.  Plus, show respect to the next person coming in.  I don't know how comfortable I would be dating someone who tells me there girlfriend/wife just died two months ago.  I'd wonder if they're over it, or if they were ever "on it" to begin with.  Now I have tons of readers who are not only in relationships, but also married, so I'd love to hear your input on this. Come on! Inquiring minds really wanna know! 

Happy Blogging All!!

Looks & Sex. Can They Be Rated Differently?

I have few guy friends, so when I get a chance to dip into their warped little minds, I take advantage. I try to ask all the questions I can possibly think of when ever i'm around them.  This may be why I have so few.  So recently I was speaking to one of those gentleman and I had asked him who the hottest girl he had ever dated was.  He told me that that was an unfair and rude question.  That as a man, he felt is was wasn't possible to really compare woman's looks, when everyone is different and is beautiful in there own way.  At first I thought that was sweet, but of course I had to take it a step further.  I then ask if he could name the best sex he'd ever had.  Well did he go on and on as to who, why and how this person rocked his world.  I mean he could remember, in detail, everything about this one person.  So I started to think, "Wait? You can say who's the best you've ever had, sex wise. But saying who's the hottest; that's rude?"  I finally asked him this, and he said it was completely different.  Of course I continued to press the issue, because that's how I am.  I told him that the assumption would be the person you'd consider best in bed, would be the hottest person.  But again, he said, very sternly, that the two were very different and that just because you're great in bed, doesn't mean you're the best looker in the bunch.  He continued that beauty and sex were complete opposites and one was more personal than the other. The more personal being, looks.  Okay, I thought.  Well now I'm just confused.

So I started to think? Are these two really that different? Can you not rate looks, but rate bed manners? In my opinion, I don't think so. I think both can be rated equally.  But, then if both can be rated equally, which would you rather be: 1. The hottest looking or 2. Best in Show?  I personally feel like I'd rather be the hottest person (besides the obvious of being both).  I'd like to know that all your ex's have been horrific and disfigured and I am the baddest chick you've ever seen, dated, fallen in love with etc, etc. Too much?  I mean I'm just saying...  But to be best in show? What does that really say about you? I mean lets face it, hookers are good in bed. From what I've heard. No, I do not have any proof to back that up. Sheesh, you know what I mean.  Anyway, as I was saying, anyone can be great in bed, but as great as they are, do you really want to wake up next to them in the morning?  And isn't the person who's great in bed, but not a looker, normally not the person you take home to Momma?

Now, it's not to say that a person can't be both, because I think you totally can be.  Isn't that why people get married?  They've found some hot little number that they're connected to spiritually and sexually and all that other great stuff.   But this topic all came about from someone saying that both can't be rated equally; you can either be some beautiful Aphrodite/handsome Adonis or you can be incredible Siren in the sack.   So what's your take on this friends and readers?  Can you rate them both equally? If not, then which is better?  I look forward to reading your answers.

Happy Blogging All!

Curiosity Killed The...Relationship

There comes a time in a relationship where things get a little weird.  He or she isn't returning your calls as quickly as they used to.  They seem to be more distant and/or busy. Or they're staying at work really late. Or suddenly start mentioning new "friends" that you've never heard of.  And that is when your mind starts to wander and you get blurred by all of the issues that, clearly you've developed in your head, seem to be arising in the relationship.  So what do you do? You decide to become inspector gadget and start investigating into what the hell is going on.  Or you're just a nosy person, and decide to snoop.  You tell yourself that you trust them and it's just to ease your own worries.  But lets be honest, there is doubt there, and not a lot (if any) trust.  After speaking to a few of my friends, I realized I wasn't the only one guilty of having done this.  I also wasn't the only one that said, "But I had great reason to".  But you have to wonder, if you feel the need to become an investigator in your relationship, maybe the issue is bigger than what's lying on the surface.  

For example, you find an email saved in your significant others drafts and notice that it was written to their ex right around the time you started dating.  Thought it was never sent, you decide to read it and there are quite a few things in there that you're not comfortable with.  Rather than ask them directly what's going on, you wait and start going through their phones, computer documents, car, receipts from KFC to make sure there's only 1 meal accounted for on it, etc.  You drive yourself insane for weeks, instead of confronting the issue head on.  When you finally do confront the situation, whether you have proof or not, you start to mention things that have absolutely nothing to do with what's going on. You start yelling at them for getting haircuts every 3 weeks.  Or taking two showers a day, and ignore the fact that it's 100 degrees outside and your partner has a perfectly good reason to do so.

Another example, is that your significant other is constantly on their phone.  Either talking, texting, emailing or just playing games because they've grown a disgusting addiction to "play words with friends".  So now you get jealous because they're always on their phone. It seems like this phone is their partner, and not you.  One day out of the blue you decide to go through it, and guess what, your boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance/wife/husband is right behind you and catches you.  You of course come up with some lie, such as, "it was ringing so I was going to turn it off" or "I was going to bring it to you."  Contrary to what we would love to believe sometimes, our partners are not as dumb as we make them out to be.  So now you've open up a can of worms because their upset you've gone through their phone.  And you're upset because, what's the big deal if you've gone through their phone; what are they hiding?  Then WW3 has stared and no one, not even the roaches, is safe from the drama that is about to ensue.

Now I could go on and on with different scenarios after the other.  The big question in all of this, is do you snoop?  If you do, what do you gain?  Peace of mind?  But if that's all you're after, why not ask the person you're in the relationship with, what the issue is, if there is an issue, and resolve it that way.  Yes, that person may lie to you and tell you everything is peaches and rose petals.  But if your gut instinct tells you something is wrong, then believe it.  Because 9 times out of 10, your gut instinct is correct.  And besides, if you don't trust or believe this person, why would you continue to have them in your life.  No its not easy to give up on a relationship, especially if you've put a lot of time and effort into it.  But does all the time and effort mean sacrificing your own happiness; your own sanity.  I mean eventually, whether there is something to find or not, you will drive yourself nuts.

So if theirs an issue, confront it and move on.  If you feel that something is amiss, then you need to talk it out or it's going to eat away at you and your relationship.  Doing these side investigations, may help you feel better, but in the end, what is it really doing to you?  It says more about you (and not in a good way), than it says about the person you're with.  And even if you're right about whatever it is you find, what good does it do you; you're still left with questions and feeling hurt.  Am I right or wrong? Please comment on this, especially the men out there (if any of the men read this), because we know that dudes get checked up on a lot more than us ladies do. :)


Happy Blogging All!

Friends With Benefits...What Benefits?

Photo Credit: FWB

Before I begin on this topic, I have to apologize for not writing as frequently as I did when I was unemployed.  I have all these topics, but just no energy or time to flesh them all out.  I'm turning into a grandma, and when I get home from work all I want to do is sleep!  I promise to try and be more attentive to all 4 of my fans that read and enjoy the nonsense things that come out of my mouth fingers. :)

 

Recently there have been some movies coming out with the idea of "Friends With Benefits" being the premise.  Now if you don't know what that is, let me break it down for you.  Two people, presumably pretty good friends or at least two consenting adults that know each other for more than 5 minutes a sandwich shop, decide that since they're both single and good looking, that it only makes perfect sense to hookup with each other; at least until they find someone else to eventually hook up with.  The idea is that you can come and go as you please in this scenario and no one gets hurt and you definetly DON'T get feelings for each other, because you know what you're getting into.  You with me now? OK, now where was I? Oh yea, so this taboo is popping up in movies, but has been popping up in real life situations everywhere for years!  I've not only known people to have done this, but I too (cover your eyes mother) have involved myself in this type of situation.  It was a looooong time ago when I was young and obviously more stupid than I am today.  So just to touch upon my own experience, it did not end well.  And that's the end of that story. Hahaha. 

 

Now the reason I bring this up is because in these movies, its always the same thing.  Boy/Girl suggest the idea to their friend and they both agree that it's a fabulous idea.  Then something happens. Something no one saw coming, because see, it's not part of the rules. One of them begins to "fall in love" with their sex buddy.  And in real life, that's usually what happens. HOWEVER, unlike real life, reel life has the MALE falling for the FEMALE and her pushing him away.  Yes, the boy falls for the girl and she's the one that has an issue with it.  And not only that, but the ending is always a happy one.  They fight, they see the light, all becomes roses and butterflies.  Now I've seen this in at least two movies recently, "No Strings Attached" and "I Hate Valentine's Day".  And another moving coming out with this topic and the inevitable "boy falls for girl" outcome, is the movie appropriately titled, "Friends With Benefits".  So why, with a topic so real, are they always changing the outcome?  Is it because people go to the movies to be hypnotized by fantasies of things that can not and will not ever happen in their own lives?  Its the same issue I have with movies where they show sex scenes and the guy just gets right in there.  First of all, where's the awkward getting up to get the condom and the even more awkward moment of them trying to put it on?  Also, why does no one ever say, "Yea, lets do this, but first, do you have any diseases I should know about?".  What? Am I the only one that asks this? Eh, maybe that's why I'm single. Ha!  So you can say that I'm being bitter, and maybe I am.  However every person that I've spoken to about this topic, men and women alike, have always told me it's the same thing; girl falls for guy, guy loses interest.  Its always the same roller coaster ride, except EVERYONE on this ride gets off, throwing up.  I have only heard of one instance in which the male in the situation fell for the girl. And this was really because though she thought something could happen somewhere over the rainbow, he became fatal attraction within the first "meeting".  But that's a different blog for a different day. 

 

So what is it that intrigues people so much to actually try and make this silly concept work?  Sure you can say that the benefit to this is great sex (if the person you choose is good, if not you're screwed, and not in a good way), not having to make him/her breakfast the next day because they're not staying over ('cause that is often against the rules as well), not having to remember to buy gifts for them on birthdays or holidays, not having to hang out with their crazy aunt Olga who feels the need to pinch everyone's ass and flick her tongue at them, not... Wait, I was against this right?...  But in all seriousness, is it really worth it.  I mean eventually aren't we getting to old for just a quick "bump & tickle".  Am I alone in thinking someone would want to be with me and me alone?  Is being in a relationship that scary that the concept of monogamy just flies out the window?  Okay, don't answer that quickly, sheesh.  But again, speaking from experience I've been there, done that. And it DOESN'T WORK!  In my opinion, we're only human and eventually someone is going to fall; most likely the female because we're built to use our hearts to think and not our vagina's.  AND jealously also becomes a factor in all this. You start to think "Well we're not really together, so I can get with this other dude/chick too." And then, men and women alike, get uptight and pissed off.  For women its, "What? I'm not enough?" because how dare he consider leaving this situation for someone else's.  And for men it becomes, "But that's mine." because how dare someone try to play with your toy, before you're done using it. And lastly, if this is a good friend, how do you go back to being friends later?  How do you introduce you're new partner to your old sex chum?  Trust me, it's gonna get weeeeiiiirrrrrd.

 

So ladies and gentleman, are you with me or against me on this?  Please feel free to leave comments here and/or email me anytime, day or night at LaLatinaLoquita@gmail.com.

 

Happy Blogging All!

I Beg To Differ

*Background photo credit: No Country...

I'd like to start this post (which is actually the reason behind it) with a quote from a friend, who recently posted this on his FB:

"(Random RANT) I Hate it when women say "there are no good men left"(big A$$ lie) U ever stop 2think maybe the problem lies within u? Maybe u should stop datin douchebags u meet at da club. Or maybe u should higher ur standards &stop makin excuses 4 settlin. Or in some cases lower ur standards cause ur not that good lookin 2B sooo freakin picky in the 1st place. Ok, Now some math. U + him + 3babymamas = UrDumb!!!! "
 
Now I respect him in many ways, and often agree with the things he has to say; with the exception that he hates Nicki Minaj & I LOVE her.  But when I read this I thought to myself, "Are you freaking kidding me dude?" I BEG TO DIFFER HERE!!!  Now recently I was dumped (and no I'm not afraid to say dumped) by someone.  Even till this day, I can't begin to understand or explain to you why or what happened.  According to him I'm an amazing girl, smart, sexy, etc.  But I guess I just wasted all these things for him.  Now when I met this person I had no intention of starting a relationship.  I was happy being alone and hanging out with my girlfriends.  We dated for about 3 months before making it official.  I met almost his entire family, and was even invited on a family vacation with them this coming July.  Then out of the blue he says, "I just don't think my feelings for you can grow anymore, and I'm not in love."  Obviously I was thrown off, but it just proved to me that once again, no matter how old they are, men just don't know what they want and are douchebags, plain and simple...And no this isn't to bash him, because I know he's a good guy. He just SUCKS at being in a relationship. :)

Now I first thought, maybe that's an unfair statement (the douchebag thing). I know some women in good relationships, so it can't be all of them.  Then I read that above post and I just thought, "WTF?!".  So now it's my fault? Apparently my standards are too low; I guess being interested in a man with an education, who is kind, good with my family, has no children and actually has a job, is too low. So I should raise them to what exactly?  Or its that I'm just not good looking enough and should be dating trolls.  So of course I go to my girlfriends, both those in and out of relationships, and ask them what gives?  Is this really an accurate statement to make of women who have been dragged through the mud during relationships, and have the idea that "there are no good men anymore"?  That are standards are either to high or to low, or we're reaching to high in the attractive department because we're obviously hideous creatures who should accept anyone that would dare even touch us with a tree branch.

So in talking to my friends, I found that many of us have experienced the same instances with men.  And again this is from women in and out of relationships.  Here are some examples of the things that just confuse us and further enforces the idea that men suck today, and really don't exist; they're just little boys (and if you're a man reading this, please feel free to explain, because I for one am completely confused): 

1. He tells you he likes you and would love and can't wait to go out with you. Then you invite him out and he makes up an excuse as to why he can't go; and he does this often. - Why then, make it seem like you're so interested, just to give her the brush off?
2. He tells you he likes you and how you're so wonderful, and he can't believe that you're still single, blah blah blah. Then just falls off the face of the Earth.  - So either you have a girlfriend/wife or you were just looking to get in our pants and it didn't work out. Newsflash, do you know how many girls out there, would rather just have sex buddies? Why bother with the girl who actually wants the relationship, when you could have no strings attached with someone who does want that? OOO it's 'cause you have "game" and you want to use it. Well you my friend, I wish a nasty STD upon you. Yea, I said it!
3. They've screwed up, but because you give them the benefit of the doubt (because as women we just have these soft spots, for everyone, men & women alike) you decide to give them another chance. They tell you all these wonderful things and that they're going to make it up to you. Then, like the above, fall off the face of the Earth. Again, why even bother?!
4. (My personal example) You're in a relationship and he introduces you to his family, has you hang out mainly with his friends and family and even invites you on a vacation.  Then later tells you that he can't see his feelings for you growing into love.  But then continues to tell you that you're so wonderful, great and a beautiful person. (This person also told you previously when you had issues in the relationship, that if they couldn't be in a relationship with you, they couldn't be in a relaitonship with anyone.) - Please tell me what sense ANY of that makes? And this is a person who is past the age of 30? Mid-life crisis?  I'd honestly would rather just have you tell me, "I just don't like you; you suck. It's over." And yes, I mean that!
5. The relationship is rocky and you have "the talk". You ask them if they want this relationship or if they want to break up. They insist it's what they want and they want to make it work in all ways possible.  They then break up with you a few days later.  - Seriously? Obviously there where some doubts, so instead of saying, "yes, yes, yes." You should be honest and say, "I don't know let me think about it." Instead you have the person you're with thinking things are resolved, only to knock the wind out of them a few days later.
6. This man, tells you, that if you'd like to move to another state in the next few months, they would consider looking for a job in said state so that they can be with you.  Then he proceeds to break up with you the following week. - Again what sense does that make? Were you just reaching for conversation that day and didn't know what else to talk about?
7. (One of my favorites since it seems to be VERY common) You're in a relationship, and some past love is constantly calling and texting. Wondering why you're with that "jerk" and not with them, they love you and all these other cutie things.  Then the day comes where you happen to break up with the other guy. He gets wind of it and suddenly he's MIA.  - What exactly was the purpose of reaching out to begin with? Because if we're happy then you can't be happy; 'cause only when we're miserable, can you sleep better at night.
8. He tells you you're one of the most important people in his life, and yet at the drop of a dime when his friends call to make plans, and you've had plans set in place for 3 weeks he asks you if it's ok if he goes with them instead.  - Oh yes, I can see how important spending time with your lady really is too you.

Now these are just some of the things that women deal with in relationships or when starting new relationships, which just leaves us baffled.  But according to so many, it's the woman's fault and we need to take responsibility for it?  I for one do have my standards, but I also set standards for myself.  I know that a man needs his boy time and even alone time, and I give that to the person that I'm with, because hey I want that too.  I'm a positive person and always give encouraging words and support.  I don't nag, because hey if you don't want to do something or do want to do something, you already have a mother to get on you about crap.  And as I said, the standards I have for men, are they same I would expect them to have with me, which are for them to be educated, know what they want out of life, doesn't have 3 different baby momma's and has a job and isn't laying at home watching re-runs of Maury all day (and yes I do understand if the person was laid off; hello I was just there.)  Please tell me what's so wrong with that?  Must be that I'm hideous thing *insert sarcasm laugh here*

So maybe I took the comment just a little to literally because of the situation I currently find myself in.  But even still, if woman have to lower/higher their standards, then so do men.  And by that, I mean, mean what you say and stop with the double talking. And if you're not sure, than say that, "I'm not sure."  Don't pretend to be something you're not, just to try and make yourself feel better or put another notch on your bed post. This way, no one is confused and we all go on living happily ever after, with or without each other.

Happy Blogging All!