Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Toe-To-Toe Tuesday: A Lie is a Lie...Or is it?

Your girlfriend is complaining that she's feeling fat and that her clothes don't fit her right.  As she goes on and on in her rant, she turns to you and asks, "Babe. Am I fat?"  Sure she's gained about 15lbs since you guys first met, but do you tell her that?  No, as a "good boyfriend" you tell a little white lie and say, "No, Sweetie. You look great."  And now you're a LIAR.  But so what right?  You didn't cheat on her.  You haven't beaten her.  You just told her something that would make her feel good.  And of course you probably also helped yourself out by avoiding the inevitable where she catches a nasty attitude, storms out, eats everything in the house all while cursing at you. So you've done nothing wrong, right?  In certain cases I guess I can agree. But what happens to the rest of the honesty in a relationship?  What may start off as just an innocent little "lie" to make your partner feel better or to avoid an argument, can easily develop into something more.

So where do the white lies start and the black and blue ones begin?  One day you're avoiding the truth about her fat ass large booty and the next day you're hiding the fact that your ex-girlfriend texted you.  And yes, in my opinion, if you hide something, you're lying.  Why so?  Because you wouldn't be hiding it if there were nothing to hide.  People lie or omit the truth for the same reasons every day: I don't want to hurt his/her feelings; I don't want to get into an argument about the same thing again; I just don't feel like dealing with this right now.  But in a relationship, if you're lying or feel the need to lie, big or small, white or black, what kind of foundation are you building and where do you go from there?  Again, I can agree in certain instances.  If you added mayonnaise to the mashed potatoes and your partner insists that they hate the stuff, but then eats it as if it's the best thing on earth.  Well you've proved a point and of course that's OK :).  Or if he asks you how many men you've been with, lie and lie again! Hahaha. But in all seriousness these aren't things that are going to trash the entire relationship (as long as you were protected, lol).  It's all about using your judgment and your common sense.  In relationships you learn the inner workings of your partners mind, so you should be able to tell what is OK to omit and what isn't. For example, going back to the ex thing, if your ex girlfriend texts you out of the blue asking how you are or wants to meet up for old time sake.  Whether you respond or not, I would want to know.  I mean it may seem silly to some of you, but if by some chance I where to find out, I'm going to wonder why the secrecy, and then that causes an argument.  Another example, if I ask you if you think something looks nice on me or not, tell me the truth.  Don't make me leave the house looking like some a-hole, only to get to where we're going and have someone else tell me I look like a douche.  Thanks for nothing "boyfriend".  Another great "lie" or "omission" is telling your partner half the story.  "Oh I was out with the boys drinking." Yea, that's awesome, but you forgot to mention the part where you were doing this drinking at a Strip Club.  Stop worrying about what might piss off your partner and cause an argument, because chances are whatever "lies" and "omissions" you're doing, are going to cause a bigger one when they're realized.

Knowing the type of person I am, even if there is a chance that I'll get upset, I always want to hear the truth above all else.  Thankfully I'm in a relationship where we (at least that's what I believe, yikes. lol) tell each other the truth whether it hurts or not; and trust me it does hurt!  My boyfriend will be the first one to point out an embarrassing pimple on my face or tell me that maybe I need to slow down on those extra sack of fries after I've already eaten two sacks alone! I think a saying I once heard can put it all into perspective: "What's done in the dark will be brought to the light".  Basically things you try to hide, will always be found out; whether you like it or not.  So think about that the next time you decide to tell a little white lie or omit the truth.  But again, never reveal your sexual partners. Hahaha. I kid, I kid ;)

So can you have honesty in a relationship and still tell little lies here and there and not reveal everything to your partner?  What's you're take.  Don't forget to check out my friend Ozymandias blog post to find out how he feels about the idea of a "lie".

Happy Blogging All!


  1. Lies. You should never lie to your partner. You should walk away from anyone that you can trust with the truth.

    Now, that being said, there's no reason to tell your ex just how many sexual partners you've had because in all honesty they probably can't even count how many they've been with and they most likely wouldn't tell you the truth about that but they'd be quick to hold this truth against you. The only time I'd withhold the truth.

  2. I agree with you. It is always best to say the truth and come on out with it. If I'm beginning any type of relationship I tell them that if they can't come out with any information to my face they can text me, email me, facebook me. Whatever! Just tell me the damn truth! Because later when I find out it's just going to make it so much worse! And then there is no trust! and when there is no trust there is no LOVE! (that's from the Moulin Rouge! ha)