Toe-To-Toe Tuesday: Breaking Points - When Are You Done?

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So it's been said that everyone has their breaking point in all different kinds of situations.  You have a breaking point with a friend who's constantly complaining about her weight. You finally just tell her to put the cookies and ice cream down and get her fluffy ass to the gym.  You have you're breaking point with a family member who's constantly asking you to bail them out.  You get frustrated one day and tell them that you're not there parent and to figure it out for themselves.  Whatever and whomever it is, everyone has their breaking point.  But when you're dating and are getting to know someone, what's the breaking point where you just realize, "Yea, this ain't happening"?

Well as you all know I have my "limits" and "breaking points" mainly because I'm picky.  But also because I feel like I'm a good catch and if I'm coming into something offering this much (imagine me holding my hands really far apart as if I'm measuring something big like a stove) and you're coming into the same thing offering this much (imagine me holding hands A LOT closer together so that a DVD box could barely between my hands) then we have a problem.  Call me crazy, call me conceited, call me spoiled or call me the girl who's never gonna find love, but some things just don't have wiggle room for a bargain.  So here are some...

Points That Make Me Break:

1. He has kids.  We've already gone over this.  Me + Kids = BOMB! I do not want to deal with Baby Mama drama or kids that think I'm invading there space.  Nope, nope and NOPE.  You can read how I feel on that subject here, in case you forgot or didn't catch it "This guy has kids on it; take it back."
2. He's 30 and either has no job or is a aspiring fry cook at McDonalds.  Don't get me wrong, working at Mickey D's is fine. If you were laid off and that's all you can do now, OK.  However after a certain age if you're not a Manager of like 5 stores or something, there is an issue. I mean where's your motivation? I know people have to do what they have to do, but come on.  And unless you've been laid off and are currently looking (like I am) or are the heir to the Crisco Oil fortune, then you shouldn't be out of work at that age.  I don't want to hear that you're finding yourself or that no one understood you at your last job.  Life's tough. Suck it up and be a man.
3. He lives at home with his mommy.  I'm sorry, I just can't deal with that.  Now yes, double standard, 'cause I live at home with mine.  But there is a difference. I'm a girl!  Its much more dangerous for a woman to live on her own than it is a man.  I don't know many women that live on their own; and those that do have roommates.  But a man that lives at home with his mother just bothers me.  What happens if we want to be alone?  Gotta wait for momma to run out to the store so we can get a quicky in?  Nah, I'm good, moving on.  I mean I get everyone has special circumstances, but I've only heard one or two instances where it was acceptable.  Being a lazy ass 'cause mommy cooks, cleans and does your laundry are not any of them.
4. He's still talking about the latest Jordan's he's going to buy as if he's in HS.  I love sneakers just as much as the next person.  I wear them EVERYDAY.  But I don't make them my life.  There is nothing more annoying than a man who goes on and on about something, especially something so silly as sneakers. I knew a guy that had sneakers in all colors and all types.  These were air force one's and these were dunks and this and that. And all I kept thinking was, what happens when you're broke? You gonna live in them sneakers?  I swear if there was a fire, he would've saved those sneakers before his momma.
5. He wants to go "dutch" on the first date.  And not only that, but you look at me like I'm stupid for even thinking you would pay.  Yea, no.  You asked me out, you pay.  I don't care if I picked the place, or that I have a job (which I currently don't) or that I pretended to reach in for my wallet.  Chivalry is not dead, your brain is; so revive that bitch.  Hey I always offer (and usually do) to leave the tip... sidenote: when it comes to dinner DO NOT answer your phone.  Unless it's your parent or grandparent, you should not be chatting it up at the dinner table.
6. He talks about the expensive things that he has or how much money he has.  "Oh yea I'm gonna buy this car." "Yo I'm getting a Raymond Weil watch." "Yo my underwear was once owned by Usher."  Dude I don't care what you have, I like you for you, but you're pushing it.  If you're gonna go on and on about all your treasures but you can't pay for a meal, then you need to be gone.  I'm not materialistic at all, so things like that DO NOT impress me.  Now tell me you just installed a deep fryer in your kitchen, and then we'll talk, 'cause fatty loves to eat.
7. He doesn't drive. I'm sorry, call me critical, but a man should drive.  Even I finally got my license.  I'm not saying he has to have a car, those mofos are expensive, so I understand.  But at least KNOW how to drive.  There is nothing sexier than a guy that drives, drives fast and knows his shit when it comes to cars.
8. He knocks EVERYTHING. "I hate those reality shows; they're so stupid." "Why do girls have big bags, it's ridiculous." "Why does the sun shine, it's too bright, I don't like it." I mean a guy that complains and knocks everything is so unattractive.  I get that you don't like it, that's your opinion and that's great.  If you don't agree with me that's fine; no one ever does.  But sometimes somethings should just be left alone.  Don't beat a dead horse; its dead.  No one likes a whiner.  You hate when women do it, so stop.
9. He doesn't talk. I don't remember agreeing to date a mute guy. I don't want to have to constantly keep coming up with topics to get a guy to talk.  If you like me and want to talk to me, I would assume that you have SOMETHING to say to me.  And if not, why did you ask me out?
10. He's hairy. I'm sorry, I don't want to date a German Shepard. I did it once, and suddenly out of nowhere it became comfortable and cool for him to ask me to shave his back. Yuck! (And this is why you cut it off right away).
11. He criticizes the fact that I don't wear "girly clothes" or makeup.  Listen, I can get dressed up and fabulous just as much as the next girl.  But there is a time and place.  I find no need to wear 5 inch heels and 10lbs of eyeshadow to the movies.  I am a laid back girl, and unless you met me in a club where obviously I was dressed up, then you'll see as soon as you meet me that I dress comfortable and for myself.
12. He can't take my sarcasm or humor.  I'm hyper, always laughing and I'm not afraid to make a fool of myself.  If you're serious and straight laced, then you and I will never click.  I do a lot of silly, crazy and frustrating things that easily get on peoples nerves and if you get annoyed easily, it turns me off. So lets both get out now, 'cause inside this girl lives a little frat boy.
13. He invites me to his house, and his bathroom looks as if he has dirty trolls living in the cabinets that come out at night.  Clean your place up you dirty hamster.
14. He's a smoker.  I dated someone once that smoked and it was like I was licking an astray every time we kissed. It was really nasty...  This applies to pot smokers as well.  Mainly because you're not working at a comic book shop and you're not 18 anymore. 
15. He is constantly making references to his last girlfriend/relationship.  I'm not a therapist, so stop telling me that she took your Flatscreen TV and burned your clothes. First of all, DRAMA! Second of all if you want to talk about it that much, obviously something is still there and you shouldn't be dating period...  And ladies quick note if he was engaged and wears that engagement ring around his neck to remind him of his mistakes, you run like you're trying out for the Olympics and don't stop until you're in another country.
16. He's a cat person, not a dog person.  You don't like dogs, you don't like me. Take that as you wish. ;)

Now I definitely have a lot more limits, but I figure #16 is the number to stop at because you probably already stopped reading after #6.   So what are your deal breakers?  Can you see where I'm coming from or do you have a completely different point of you?  I'd love to read your comments.  And while we wait, check in with Mr. Ozymandias to see what he says are his breaking points with the ladies.

Happy Blogging All!

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Toe-To-Toe Tuesday: A Lie is a Lie...Or is it?

Your girlfriend is complaining that she's feeling fat and that her clothes don't fit her right.  As she goes on and on in her rant, she turns to you and asks, "Babe. Am I fat?"  Sure she's gained about 15lbs since you guys first met, but do you tell her that?  No, as a "good boyfriend" you tell a little white lie and say, "No, Sweetie. You look great."  And now you're a LIAR.  But so what right?  You didn't cheat on her.  You haven't beaten her.  You just told her something that would make her feel good.  And of course you probably also helped yourself out by avoiding the inevitable where she catches a nasty attitude, storms out, eats everything in the house all while cursing at you. So you've done nothing wrong, right?  In certain cases I guess I can agree. But what happens to the rest of the honesty in a relationship?  What may start off as just an innocent little "lie" to make your partner feel better or to avoid an argument, can easily develop into something more.

So where do the white lies start and the black and blue ones begin?  One day you're avoiding the truth about her fat ass large booty and the next day you're hiding the fact that your ex-girlfriend texted you.  And yes, in my opinion, if you hide something, you're lying.  Why so?  Because you wouldn't be hiding it if there were nothing to hide.  People lie or omit the truth for the same reasons every day: I don't want to hurt his/her feelings; I don't want to get into an argument about the same thing again; I just don't feel like dealing with this right now.  But in a relationship, if you're lying or feel the need to lie, big or small, white or black, what kind of foundation are you building and where do you go from there?  Again, I can agree in certain instances.  If you added mayonnaise to the mashed potatoes and your partner insists that they hate the stuff, but then eats it as if it's the best thing on earth.  Well you've proved a point and of course that's OK :).  Or if he asks you how many men you've been with, lie and lie again! Hahaha. But in all seriousness these aren't things that are going to trash the entire relationship (as long as you were protected, lol).  It's all about using your judgment and your common sense.  In relationships you learn the inner workings of your partners mind, so you should be able to tell what is OK to omit and what isn't. For example, going back to the ex thing, if your ex girlfriend texts you out of the blue asking how you are or wants to meet up for old time sake.  Whether you respond or not, I would want to know.  I mean it may seem silly to some of you, but if by some chance I where to find out, I'm going to wonder why the secrecy, and then that causes an argument.  Another example, if I ask you if you think something looks nice on me or not, tell me the truth.  Don't make me leave the house looking like some a-hole, only to get to where we're going and have someone else tell me I look like a douche.  Thanks for nothing "boyfriend".  Another great "lie" or "omission" is telling your partner half the story.  "Oh I was out with the boys drinking." Yea, that's awesome, but you forgot to mention the part where you were doing this drinking at a Strip Club.  Stop worrying about what might piss off your partner and cause an argument, because chances are whatever "lies" and "omissions" you're doing, are going to cause a bigger one when they're realized.

Knowing the type of person I am, even if there is a chance that I'll get upset, I always want to hear the truth above all else.  Thankfully I'm in a relationship where we (at least that's what I believe, yikes. lol) tell each other the truth whether it hurts or not; and trust me it does hurt!  My boyfriend will be the first one to point out an embarrassing pimple on my face or tell me that maybe I need to slow down on those extra sack of fries after I've already eaten two sacks alone! I think a saying I once heard can put it all into perspective: "What's done in the dark will be brought to the light".  Basically things you try to hide, will always be found out; whether you like it or not.  So think about that the next time you decide to tell a little white lie or omit the truth.  But again, never reveal your sexual partners. Hahaha. I kid, I kid ;)

So can you have honesty in a relationship and still tell little lies here and there and not reveal everything to your partner?  What's you're take.  Don't forget to check out my friend Ozymandias blog post to find out how he feels about the idea of a "lie".

Happy Blogging All!

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Toe-To-Toe Tuesday: Ladies can do it all... Yes, even Poop & Toot too!

Boyfriend:  (Tickling girlfriend and laughing).
Girlfriend:  OK, OK, stop.  Seriously, I'm not feeling well. (Laughing)
Boyfriend:  (Continues to tickle girlfriend, and now pressing harder on her stomach)
Girlfriend:  (Laughing uncontrollably) No, really stop.  I don't... (lets out a sound from the nether back region.)
Boyfriend: (Look of utter disgust) Umm, I have to go.

And why this reaction?  Because boys/men have this idea that,

Or fart, or burp, or do anything that men do, that would fall under the category of "gross".  Well I'm sorry to burst your bubble gentleman, but yes, we do.  And with all the commercials that we see day in and day out for females (which will be apart of a Monday Grievance post), this really shouldn't come as a surprise to all of you.  The way most men react to women and their bodily functions, you would think we're doing a spoof of "Two Girls, One Cup".  We're human, believe it or not, and unfortunately we have to act like it on several occasions.  So why is it that men continue to have this image that women are perfect, and because of that perfection, we aren't allowed to do those "gross" things?  Are they just stupid? Or do we also aid in this ridiculous notion that "girls don't poop/fart."?

Regrettably, there are things that some women go through to try and keep that "perfect image" alive.  I remember dating someone who found the thought of a women even burping repulsive.  There were times where I would stay over his house, and from fear of "disgusting" him, I'd take precautions to make sure I didn't even have gas when I was there.  Let's just say I believe I single-handedly kept Imodium in business for a good 5 months!  Then the following week I'd have the worst stomach pains, because now I couldn't go to the bathroom at all!  There were also times, where like anyone in the world (and if you say not you, you're a liar) I'd pass gas in my sleep.  Do you know that as soon as I would wake up, he would let me know.  He'd act like my ass was playing the trumpet version of the Star Spangled Banner.  The look on his face, as if I did it on purpose and as if he was expecting an apology.  I would just look at him in shock and speechless.  What exactly would he have liked me to do?  Sleep walk into another room and come back?  I can't be held responsibly for noises that come out while I'm sleeping... Don't ask me why I dated this guy for so long. LOL... And I've heard worse stories than that.  I knew a girl that would go out to eat and then thrown up, just so she wouldn't have the urge to use the bathroom when she was with the guy.  I've also heard of women making up stories where they have to leave the dinner or event earlier so they can use the bathroom.  They also pretend to be making a long phone call to their mothers or friends from the bathroom.  Or pretend that shower has to take an extra 10 minutes because, hey, we're just that clean.   But for what?!  Why are we hiding and pretending to be these amazing beings that have no flaws?  It's a nice concept, but come on! These same guys would fart in your face and laugh about it and look for you to laugh to, as if it's some kind of reward for the great work they've done being a guy.  Meanwhile here you are gasping for some clean air before you pass out.   I know, because that same guy I blocked my ass up for, would not only fart around me, but would try to get me to figure out what he might have eaten that made it smell so bad!  Are you insane?  I don't want to know, nor do I care what you ate that is making your insides smell like hot garbage and rat ass on an African Summer day!  All that while a woman can't even notion to a man that she may have to go to the bathroom because instantly he doesn't want to hear it and "you can keep those comments to yourself."  It's a ridiculous double standard!  I remember another guy I had been seeing for a little while, was having stomach issues. Not only did he ask me to go to the store for him to get him some liquid laxative.  But once the chemical kicked into his system, he asked me to bring him cigarettes as he sat on the toilet releasing himself.  

And that's how men are!  It's OK for us to hear about it, see it and even (yuck) smell it, but the moment we let a little air out from somewhere they don't like, they're ready to break up with us.  Its ridiculous.  And no, I'm not saying that women should fart it up like a band or walk around saying "Whew, don't go in there man."  However we shouldn't have to hide it if we need to go.  And when we do, you shouldn't have a brain aneurysm when it happens.  I mean please tell me what you're going to do when you're married to a woman?  Do you expect her to not take a dump in your home, or possibly fart in your presence.  I'm the first to admit that if I need to pass gas, I will go to the bathroom.  But sometimes there isn't enough time to get there.  And when that happens, all hell breaks loose and suddenly the 3 phone calls you got everyday, turn into text messages and then nothing at all.  Because how dare we act *gasp* HUMAN!  You know at least we make an effort to cover it up.  You men could care less to even try and hide it, unless it's the first 2 weeks of a relationship.  After that, it appears that all bets are off.   So ladies screw men.  If he isn't man enough to realize that we need to release ourselves too, then he isn't man enough for you.  So poop, fart, be free to do what you need to do when you need to do it.  There is no need, nor does it make any sense whatsoever, to harm our insides for a man who would gladly stick your head in a dutch oven and then laugh about it with his friends after-wards.

Don't forget to check out Ozymandias post on this very topic, to find out how he and other men feel about us Ladies being "free" with our bodies.

Happy Blogging All!

Photo Credit: Morethananarmywife.com

Toe-To-Toe "Wednesday": Can you date a friend of an EX?

Welcome back to Toe-To-Toe.  As I mentioned yesterday we were switching it up this week, so Wordless Wednesday turned into Wordless Tuesday, and today we're bringing you Toe-To-Toe Wednesday.  Don't forget as always to check out Ozymandias after reading this post to find out his view on our chosen topic of the week.

And we begin...

Photo Credit: Dreamstime.com

There are countless ways to meet that special someone.  You can meet by bumping into him/her on the street, in line at Starbucks, at a nightclub or even on the internet.  You can also meet that special someone through a friend or loved one.  But what happens when you meet that person and they happen to be friends with an EX?  Do you pursue the relationship?  Or do you just ignore your feelings and keep it moving.  For me, I have an answer since I have personally experienced this type of situation twice in my life.  In one situation I was the girl falling for the friend of an ex-boyfriend and in the other situation a friend of mine fell for an ex-boyfriend of mine.

Story 1 (Names have been changed to protect the innocent):

I had dated Ronnie for about 3 years and when we broke up, things didn't end so well.  However eventually after a little bit of time, we were able to finally put our differences aside and be "friends".  On occasion I would hang out with him and his friends and we always had a great time.  One day one of his friends Mike, brought along another friend, Vinny.  We seemed to have a lot in common and I thought he was a really funny and interesting.  Well later Ronnie, went back to school, and I continued to hang out with his friends, because they had eventually become my friends.  One day I saw another friend of the group, Pauly, at the movie theater and he suggested we all go out the following day to just hang.  On the day we hung out, Vinny also came along.  We continued to hit it off, and I continued to hang out with the guys.  After a few weeks I realized that I really liked him; he was like me in male form.  When I started to realize my feelings were growing, I asked him how he felt and he told me he had similar feelings for me.  Now even though Ronnie and I had decided to remain friends, I knew that this might present an issue.  However Vinny comforted me and said that he didn't feel it would be that much of a problem because he was more of the other guys' in the group friend then his.  I took solace in the words Vinny said, and eventually I decided that before I got carried away with Vinny, I would need to tell Ronnie.  Well that obviously did not turn out well.  Granted I told him all this via email (because I was a chicken and wasn't sure of his reaction and also because I needed calling cards to call him and I refused to spend money to possibly be yelled at, ha!), I never expected his reaction to be as nasty as it was.  Did I expect him to send me a singing telegram and flowers saying congratulations? NO! Of course not.  At most I expected him to be somewhat upset, but considering he was moving out as well, I didn't expect what I got.  There was a lot of back and forth and unpleasant things said and eventually our friendship and his friendship with Vinny, died.  This caused issues between the group of friends, and I felt terrible about it.  And though I eventually found out that Vinny and Ronnie were closer friends than Vinny had lead on, I couldn't help that I had fallen for him.  In my mind I felt that I needed to trust my heart and go with what I felt was right.  Of course inside I felt shitty horrible for having hurt Ronnie, but what had been done was done.  After two years, Vinny and I broke up, but to this day we remain friends.  I am also still friends with Ronnie believe it or not.

Story 2 (Names have been changed to protect the innocent):

This story actually involves Vinny as well.  Come to think of it maybe he's the issue here. I kid, I kid...  Vinny and my friend Nicole began connecting and hanging out.  I am not sure how or why that happened, since as far as I knew he only knew her sister Sammi, and hadn't ever met her, but regardless they began seeing each other.  Apparently things began to get serious and Nicole felt she needed to let me know.  While I was at a show in the city with some friends, she happened to call me.  Nicole seemed really worried and nervous while speaking to me, so I knew something was up.  I told her to relax and to tell me what was wrong.  She finally told me that she was calling because she wanted my permission to go out with Vinny.  At first I thought to myself, "Huh?".  Again, when the hell did they start hanging out?  But after a few minutes of taking it all in, I told her it wasn't an issue at all.  I wished them the best and that was the end of it.  Now don't get me wrong, I was once deeply in love with Vinny.  But we had broken up and I had moved on. And I knew he would too.  And it didn't bother me at all that he happened to move on to her.  I was happy for both of them, and til this day I don't regret it nor do I have any issues with it.  Would I ever discuss intimate details about our or their relationship with her?  Not at all; and thankfully I never did before they dated either.  But could I sit there and listen to her or even him for that matter, talk about issues they would have during their relationship?  Yes, I don't see why not.  And would I dare leave her alone with a another boyfriend of mine? Yes, I don't see why I wouldn't.  Again, it didn't and doesn't bother me and I don't see why it should... *Note: Vinny and Nicole are no longer together. Vinny is married and Nicole in another relationship.*

Okay so maybe I've seen one to many episodes of Saved By the Bell or Beverly Hills 90210, where everyone has dated each other and has remained friends.  But to me this was never something I saw as being a big deal.  I believe that the heart wants what the heart wants and you can't always help who you fall for.  I think it really depends on those involved and how you approach the situation.  If you go behind a friend's back and start dating their EX, then yes, you're a bit of an a-hole.  But if you're upfront with them and tell them like it is, I don't see it as an end of the world issue.  And I've heard all the arguments about dating an EX's friend, and how disrespectful it is.  And yes it can be because like everything in the world, there are exceptions.  If this person ruined your friends life with some kind of STD, ruined their credit, or left them stranded in a foreign country, then maybe you want to steer clear of that person.  Or if you know for a fact that that EX was your friends "love of their life" or they were previously engaged, then again it might not be the best idea.  And I've heard people say "Well if they want my sloppy seconds, then so be it."  But if that's an argument, then couldn't we say that everyone is having someone's sloppy seconds out there?  I mean unless you're dating a virgin, you're in the category of, "One man's trash, is another man's treasure."  So again it all depends on those involved, because every case is different.  Some people may be like me, where it doesn't really bother them and isn't an issue.  However some people may be so offended that the friendship ends.  But in my opinion if a friendship ends over that, then maybe there wasn't a friendship to begin with.  And if your response to that is, the person making the choice to "go after" an ex isn't the friend, then I'd say maybe you're right.  But maybe, just maybe, you're wrong.  In matters of the heart, you just never know.

So what did my dear friend Mr.Ozymandias have to say on this topic?  Click now to find out if he agrees or disagrees with my point of view...here's a hint: he doesn't!

Happy Blogging All!

Toe-To-Toe Tuesday: "Cheaters Never Prosper"

Photo Credit: jasonlove.com 

In relationships we all do things that we may not be too proud of.  We'll tell a little lie here so we can go out with the our friends.  We'll tell a little lie there so we can just have a day to ourselves and relax.  But the one thing that some people do in relationships, that I just find pointless is, "cheat".  I will not pretend to be an angel, as I have cheated on a boyfriend in the past.  I am not proud of it in any way, shape, or form.  But when I made that mistake, I walked away from that relationship, not only for him, but for myself.  It took me a while to do so, because I was scared, but I knew in the end it was absolutely the right thing to do.  But unfortunately, there are many out there who make this same mistake over and over, whether it be towards one person or in various relationships.  And the question remains, why?  You would think anyone with a conscience would feel guilt every time their partner looked at them with a smile and love in their eyes.  I may be tugging on the dramatic heart strings here, but isn't it the truth?  I know the guilt ate me alive.
When I played the cheating game, it was because (not that this an excuse) I was constantly being accused of it already.  My phone was being monitored.  If I said I didn't want to go out and just wanted to stay home, he'd stay with me and follow me around to see if I was trying to sneak out; and this was in my mother's house, we didn't even live together.  But once I realized that this "drove" me to cheat, I felt awful and realized that amongst the thousands of other reasons I had not to be with him, this was just the icing on the cake.  And with that, I broke up with him.  But why do others cheat?  The most common reason I've heard, is that they're not getting what they need from their current relationship. News Flash: Then don't stay in that relationship!  There are exits on the left of you, the right of you, in front of you and behind you.  Take a step and keep it moving.  I poo poo on that reasoning, because it makes absolutely no sense.  If the oven is hot and you put your hand on it and burn yourself.  Do you keep your hand there?  No!  And if you do, seek help you freak.   But besides that "reasoning" or "excuse", they're are many other reasons people feel justified in their cheating.

Reasons To Cheat

1. Not happy in current relationship; they just don't get you anymore.
2. Bad sex in current relationship; you're looking for something feisty.
3. Wonder if you can get away with it; it's the thrill that excites you.
4. Stressed out and you need to break free.
5. Partner is already accusing you, so go ahead and do it.
6. Someone has been giving you the eye and you give into temptation.
7. You got drunk and lost yourself in the moment.
8. Your partner did something you didn't like and this is your pay back or...
9. Your partner cheated on your first, and now it's your turn.
10. Because in a nut shell, you can.  Who's gonna stop you if you're careful about it.

The list goes on and on my friend, and doesn't stop.  It's like finding an excuse not to stay on that diet.  But just like when you squeeze into those jeans and realize it's not gonna work, neither does cheating; and none of these are legitimate reasons.  Yes, ya'll I said it.  Hate me if you want too, but it's the truth.   You're a coward if you stay in a relationship and cheat, because all of these reasons have one simple solution: GET OUT!  If you're not happy, you're unsatisfied or are just playing chicken with the STD's out there, then you should not be in a relationship.  Trust me, there are PLENTY of people out there that just want to mess around with no strings attached.  So then why not go find them?   Don't say that you're so in love you don't know how to leave.  Last I checked, cheating isn't the #1 way to show that special someone how much you care about and love them.  What also bugs me about cheating is when you do confess to what you've done, and the person takes you back, but then throws it in your face constantly.  Jersey Shore ring a bell to anyone here?  You'll think everything is great, then one day you're going to throw out the garbage and accidentally use the wrong colored bag.  Suddenly only a cheater would do something so stupid.  It's insane.  People, if you're going to take back the "cheater", then wipe the slate clean or its not worth it. 

Now if you're confused or unsure as to what constitutes as cheating, ask your partner.  I myself have had several conversations with friends about this topic and these are just a few of the answers we came up with (in no particular order):

You're cheating if:

1. You're Having Intercourse, Kissing, Sleeping, Cuddling, anything physical with anyone other than your partner.  I think these are pretty self explanatory and if it's not, this blog will not help you figure it out.
2. You Flirt with the opposite sex (or same sex; depends on what you're into).  Now I always say you can look at the menu as long as you don't order (A La John Leguizamo in Spic-O-Rama).  However when you're in a relationship, you need to think about how that is going to affect your partner.  Is it really fair to consider the lobster when you know your partner just so happens to be allergic to shell fish.
3. You find yourself Sexting or Flirting via text and/or IM with someone other than your partner.  The only person you should be texting sexy things too, should be your partner.  Are things that bad in the bedroom that you resort to sexting??? how sexy is texting/im'ing dirty things to someone?  I've done it and usually I'm on my end thinking, "This is creepy and I want to stop."
4. You're still in love or harboring feelings for someone else. Yes, believe it or not, this is cheating;  It's cheating with the heart.  If you're out together holding hands and walking through the park, then turn your head and find that it's not the person you really want to be with, get out.  Chances are eventually you're going to turn to the physical aspect of cheating.
4. You find yourself grinding up on some hottie, not your partner, at a dance club.  This one surprised me too at first.  But seeing as how many people dance like they're auditioning for the Next Lambada Dance Superstar, it makes complete sense.  You shouldn't be making any moves that mimic the "sex act" on the dance floor.  No es bueno!
5. You decide to go out to dinner with an ex and or someone from the opposite sex that you're partner is not comfortable with; and you keep it a secret.  In many people's opinion this is how the cheating begins.  If you feel the need to keep secrets or feel like you can't open up to your boyfriend/girlfriend, then the issues in your relationship are running deeper than you think.  And no chance dinner with this person is going to fix that.

Again, that's just to name a few.  I'm sure we can be here for hours listing what some people call cheating and what others don't.  So my advice would be, don't cheat.   If it looks like cheating, feels like cheating or smells like cheating, it probably is.  And at the end of the day it's not worth it.  Remember the movie, "Why Did I Get Married?" when they talked about the 80/20 rule.  You have 80% of a great thing, but you feel like you need it to be 100%, so you go looking for that missing 20%.  Once you find it, you realize that's all it is, 20%.   And now you've lost the 80% you had and are stuck with just that lousy small 20%.  Trust me, it rings true!  If you really care about the person you're with, then the best thing is to let them in on why you feel like cheating or just break up with them all together.  If you don't care about the person and you're in it for fun, make sure you're both on the same page.  I can't imagine who the a-hole is that purposely likes to break hearts.  Well my ex-boyfriend is one, but that's a different blog for a different day. I kid, I kid.

So what are you views on cheating?  Are you for it or against it?  Please share your comments and/or stories with me in the comments section below.  Come on, I never judge and you can be always be anonymous.  In the meantime, lets hear/read what our good friend Ozymandias has to say about this particularly touchy topic.  What's this males' view on "Cheating"?

Happy Blogging All!

P.S. Note that this is just about boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, not MARRIAGE.  I don't have the energy to go into infidelity during marriage.  But I will say if you go in thinking you're going to cheat, you probably are so DON'T GET MARRIED!

Toe-to-Toe Tuesdays: "Constant Contact" - When It's NOT Enough.

Welcome to our second edition of "Toe-to-Toe Tuesdays", where you get the female perspective of a topic on my page and the male perspective on fellow blogger, Ozymandias's page.... This week we discuss "Constant Contact: When It's NOT Enough."

Hello boyfriends of the world.  It’s girlfriends of the world talking to you.  How are you?  That’s wonderful to hear.  Are you comfortable?  Good, good.  So, ummm, let us ask you, have we actually spoken or been in touch with each other today?  No, you say.  Strange.  Oh, we get it; you forgot how to use a phone.  Oh, you didn’t.  Your email was down then.  Not that either?  Then we're at a loss.  Can you explain to us why we barely hear from you?

You may think I’m being dramatic, since I do have a flare for it; however I think this is a legitimate issue in relationships.  Now I’m not saying we have to speak around the clock, nor do we need to be up each other’s asses.  However as girlfriends, we don’t think it’s a terrible thing if we talk on the phone and actually SPEAK to each other daily.  Why does it seem that men have grown a phobia of being in contact with their girlfriends?  You sure as hell know how to call us when you want to have sex.  Yet when we want a little conversation, suddenly you become a teenager giving their parents the silent treatment.  What gives?  Did you forget how to use your words and speak out loud?   Trust me, we get it, your day at work today is about as exciting as a root canal, and it’s the same thing day in and day out.  So in your opinion you feel that there isn’t that much to talk about, so why call.  But we would like to at least possibly end our nights by saying goodnight and making sure you’re actually alive.  So what do you do, you text us.  OK, I’m a big texter as well; it saves me from lots of meaningless conversations.  And if it’s some simple question or comment I want to share, sure I’ll text/email you.  BUT when this becomes the only form of communication, it becomes EXTREMELY annoying.  Don’t text us all day here and there with gibberish & nonsense, and then when we bring up the fact that we haven’t spoken to you, tell us, “But we talked all day.”  In what world did we actually have a conversation?  Sending us funny videos of some dude getting kicked in the balls or texting us that you’re hungry and not sure what you should have for lunch, is NOT a conversation.

Again, I’m not saying we need to be Siamese twins, nor do we need to be Chatty Cathy girlfriends who go on about hair & nails & weight issues.  Because men seem to think that’s all we want to talk about, and that’s so wrong.  We also like to talk about your feelings.  Regardless, what we WANT is to have a real conversation with you.  I think a phone conversation once a day is sufficient enough.  I mean each time we speak, does it have to be your life story?  No.  I’m not sure we even care about your life story.  Nevertheless we would still like to hear from you, make sure you’re doing well and that we’re actually still dating.  My deepest sympathy to the man who’s girlfriend actually likes and wants to speak to him.  Oh the horror!!  I mean seriously, when we don’t care to speak to you anymore, nor do we crave your attention, that means the issue is bigger than our quest for friendly banter.

Here are, in my opinion, just a few instances when you should probably call and avoid text/email:

1. A family member of ours passes away.  Don’t send you’re sympathy via writing unless you’re in the hospital recuperating from some horrific accident.  If you’re fine, you won’t be for long.
2. We get laid off from our job and leave you a tearful voicemail on how we won’t be able to make the rent or feed ourselves.  Don’t text back, “Bummer” or “That sucks”.  This is only going to result in your own layoff.
3. Our Birthday.  Texting or sending a funny email of Hoops & Yoyo does not qualify you as wishing us a Happy Birthday; especially if you can’t even spell out the entire word: “Happy B-day”.  Are you kidding?  This is only allowed if you want to do something cute but can't call just yet because we’re at work or school or whatever.  But if you intend this to be your only form of well wishes to us on this day, then say goodbye in that text as well.
4. Holidays.  If you expect to get that PS3 you’ve been asking for all year, then we better hear and see you say Merry Christmas and act like you’re happy to be in this relationship.  Don’t text “Merry Xmas” and then come over at 10p expecting your gift all wrapped up and for shit to be cool.  It won’t’ be, and you’ll have just wasted your gas and have nothing to show for it.
5. If we're texting back and forth, and something is misinterpreted and you don't understand if we're joking.  Do not continue to text back and become angry because you don't know what's going on.  If you're that confused, pick up the phone and clear the air before you start making assumptions.  Unfortunately ladies, this goes for us too.  You know what they say, "When you assume, you only make an ass of yourself."
6. We’ve been down but haven’t wanted to talk about it.  Don’t text us when you finally think something might be wrong, asking us if something is indeed wrong.  If you were really all that interested you would call us to find out if and what is bothering us.  Don’t want to put in the effort?  Then don’t pretend to care…On second thought, you probably should avoid the whole relationship thing all together.
7. We’re out late and call you to ask you to be on standby so we can call you while we walk home.  Don’t text back while we're in the tunnel of the train or in some place we can't get service, telling us that you’re now going to be in the middle of some Gears Of War marathon with your brother and cousins and you’re going to “Disgrace them” and won't be able to really pay attention to the phone.  Hi, I’m about to get raped and/or mugged.  Could you act as if you care?
8. Off “contact” topic, but to the above, don’t you dare say, “What am I suppose to do if something does happen?”  It doesn’t matter if you’re there or not, we just want to feel safer and for some idiotic reason your voice helps. Take it as a compliment and just talk to us.  You can still play your game, watch TV, eat or play with yourself while you talk to us; we don't care.  Just be a good boyfriend and talk to us!
9. We’re in the hospital having your child.  Do not call.  Do not text. Do not email.  You should be there even if you are turning the colors of the wall.

So you see, we're not asking for a marathon long conversation.  We're not asking for you to listen to us complain about how our jeans didn't fit this morning.  Mainly because we'll discuss that while we're eating a huge bowl of pasta when we go out this weekend.  What we're askign for is for you to talk to us more than twice a week and not only via text/email.  Think about how much faster all that "talk" would be in a 5 to 10 minute phone conversation.  Besides, our Carpal Tunnel is acting up, so make believe you care about our hands (we know you do) and pick up the phone and call!  Its hilarious to me when men say that they don't understand women, when all we require is food, compliments & attention.  I mean it's really not that difficult gentleman, so stop acting so confused.  If you'd pay more attention to us, the same way we do to you, (because you must admit in many instances we know you better than you know yourselves) both of our lives would be a lot more pleasant.

So how do our boyfriends feel about the topic of "Contact"?  Check out Ozymandias blog, where he discusses this relationship issue from a male's/boyfriend's point of view.

Happy Blogging All!