Monday, March 12, 2012

The Grudge Holder Princess

I like to think of myself as a really nice person. I hold doors open for people, I get up for the pregnant lady on the train (well not all the time. Sometimes I'm not sure if they're preggers or just big, and I'm not trying to offend anyone. Listen, we're going off topic here!), if I'm going outside I'll ask people at work if they want anything, etc.  Basically I try to be nice to everyone, in hopes that the same courtesy will come my way.  However, as nice as I am, I realize that I can hold a grudge and be very hardheaded when it comes to forgiveness.  For the most part I have been able to hand out the forgiveness card, but if it was something really bad, I usually cut them out of my life.  But for one person in particular, I noticed yesterday that I really have not been able to get over the pain that they caused me, and am still holding a grudge towards them.

So yesterday, thanks this moron and his website updates, I finally just decided to change to the timeline on FB.  I did it because I didn't want to be surprised when it updates on it's own... And before I get the, "If you don't like the timeline, why not just delete?" #1. Who asked you ;).  And #2. I keep it because I've been able to keep in touch with family from all around and have been able to find and keep in touch with oldie but goodie friends :)... So as I went through my timeline, I was brought back to a really crappy relationship I had a few years ago and all the memories of it came flooding back; and NOT in a good way.  I saw comments this person had left me of "love" and "babe" and I just got so angry, I wanted to punch the computer screen.  I saw his picture and was just immediately filled with rage.  Then I thought, wow, I'm really not over that pain.

Now people say when you're still that angry with a person its because you don't have closure or because you still have feelings for them, blah blah blah.  But I don't believe that.  See, I could not be happier and more at peace with the fact that this person is gone & that I'll never have to be involved with them again.  But it still makes me so angry that I was such a loving, giving and nice person to them, and they treated it with such disregard.  I know it's something that I have to work on and I believe that God will help me through that.  But it just kind of amazed me that I could still get so angry about something that happened so long ago.  And I wondered, what is it about our minds, hearts, emotions that will sometimes cause us to not let go of something that hurts us so deeply?  That person doesn't think twice about you anymore and you're definitely giving them more thought than they ever deserved.  And it would do you so much better to let go; be free.  Yet, we hold on to that grudge, that pain, as if you'll die without it.

So what's your take my fellow readers?  I think we can agree holding grudges only hurts ourselves.  So why do we do it?  What causes us to not let go of the past and hurt?  Love to hear your thoughts.

Til Next Time...

La Latina Loquita


  1. Stupidity? Ignorance? Fear? When you find out, let me know. lol. Some of us aren't holding a grudge but rather holding onto the pain which causes us not be able to trust or move on. We think that we are over it but we can't truly let go until we accept that it happened and you either learn and move forward or let it crush you while the bastard/bitch lives life without giving you a second thought. p.s. These beings are incapable of any thought in their pea sized brains. You can't be in a healthy relationship until your heart has healed and you put the past where it belongs. Some people aren't worth a second chance which means they're also not worth a second thought. Hope this helps.

  2. Think of it this way, it took you awhile to fall in love with him. It's going to take twice as long to emotionally be free of him.

    Allow yourself to be angry. He's an ass. You should be mad at him. One day you'll forget and the grudge will fade away.