Tuesday, May 10, 2011

I Beg To Differ

*Background photo credit: No Country...
I'd like to start this post (which is actually the reason behind it) with a quote from a friend, who recently posted this on his FB:

"(Random RANT) I Hate it when women say "there are no good men left"(big A$$ lie) U ever stop 2think maybe the problem lies within u? Maybe u should stop datin douchebags u meet at da club. Or maybe u should higher ur standards &stop makin excuses 4 settlin. Or in some cases lower ur standards cause ur not that good lookin 2B sooo freakin picky in the 1st place. Ok, Now some math. U + him + 3babymamas = UrDumb!!!! "
Now I respect him in many ways, and often agree with the things he has to say; with the exception that he hates Nicki Minaj & I LOVE her.  But when I read this I thought to myself, "Are you freaking kidding me dude?" I BEG TO DIFFER HERE!!!  Now recently I was dumped (and no I'm not afraid to say dumped) by someone.  Even till this day, I can't begin to understand or explain to you why or what happened.  According to him I'm an amazing girl, smart, sexy, etc.  But I guess I just wasted all these things for him.  Now when I met this person I had no intention of starting a relationship.  I was happy being alone and hanging out with my girlfriends.  We dated for about 3 months before making it official.  I met almost his entire family, and was even invited on a family vacation with them this coming July.  Then out of the blue he says, "I just don't think my feelings for you can grow anymore, and I'm not in love."  Obviously I was thrown off, but it just proved to me that once again, no matter how old they are, men just don't know what they want and are douchebags, plain and simple...And no this isn't to bash him, because I know he's a good guy. He just SUCKS at being in a relationship. :)

Now I first thought, maybe that's an unfair statement (the douchebag thing). I know some women in good relationships, so it can't be all of them.  Then I read that above post and I just thought, "WTF?!".  So now it's my fault? Apparently my standards are too low; I guess being interested in a man with an education, who is kind, good with my family, has no children and actually has a job, is too low. So I should raise them to what exactly?  Or its that I'm just not good looking enough and should be dating trolls.  So of course I go to my girlfriends, both those in and out of relationships, and ask them what gives?  Is this really an accurate statement to make of women who have been dragged through the mud during relationships, and have the idea that "there are no good men anymore"?  That are standards are either to high or to low, or we're reaching to high in the attractive department because we're obviously hideous creatures who should accept anyone that would dare even touch us with a tree branch.

So in talking to my friends, I found that many of us have experienced the same instances with men.  And again this is from women in and out of relationships.  Here are some examples of the things that just confuse us and further enforces the idea that men suck today, and really don't exist; they're just little boys (and if you're a man reading this, please feel free to explain, because I for one am completely confused): 
  1. He tells you he likes you and would love and can't wait to go out with you. Then you invite him out and he makes up an excuse as to why he can't go; and he does this often. - Why then, make it seem like you're so interested, just to give her the brush off?
  2. He tells you he likes you and how you're so wonderful, and he can't believe that you're still single, blah blah blah. Then just falls off the face of the Earth.  - So either you have a girlfriend/wife or you were just looking to get in our pants and it didn't work out. Newsflash, do you know how many girls out there, would rather just have sex buddies? Why bother with the girl who actually wants the relationship, when you could have no strings attached with someone who does want that? OOO it's 'cause you have "game" and you want to use it. Well you my friend, I wish a nasty STD upon you. Yea, I said it!
  3. They've screwed up, but because you give them the benefit of the doubt (because as women we just have these soft spots, for everyone, men & women alike) you decide to give them another chance. They tell you all these wonderful things and that they're going to make it up to you. Then, like the above, fall off the face of the Earth. Again, why even bother?!
  4. (My personal example) You're in a relationship and he introduces you to his family, has you hang out mainly with his friends and family and even invites you on a vacation.  Then later tells you that he can't see his feelings for you growing into love.  But then continues to tell you that you're so wonderful, great and a beautiful person. (This person also told you previously when you had issues in the relationship, that if they couldn't be in a relationship with you, they couldn't be in a relaitonship with anyone.) - Please tell me what sense ANY of that makes? And this is a person who is past the age of 30? Mid-life crisis?  I'd honestly would rather just have you tell me, "I just don't like you; you suck. It's over." And yes, I mean that!
  5. The relationship is rocky and you have "the talk". You ask them if they want this relationship or if they want to break up. They insist it's what they want and they want to make it work in all ways possible.  They then break up with you a few days later.  - Seriously? Obviously there where some doubts, so instead of saying, "yes, yes, yes." You should be honest and say, "I don't know let me think about it." Instead you have the person you're with thinking things are resolved, only to knock the wind out of them a few days later.
  6. This man, tells you, that if you'd like to move to another state in the next few months, they would consider looking for a job in said state so that they can be with you.  Then he proceeds to break up with you the following week. - Again what sense does that make? Were you just reaching for conversation that day and didn't know what else to talk about?
  7. (One of my favorites since it seems to be VERY common) You're in a relationship, and some past love is constantly calling and texting. Wondering why you're with that "jerk" and not with them, they love you and all these other cutie things.  Then the day comes where you happen to break up with the other guy. He gets wind of it and suddenly he's MIA.  - What exactly was the purpose of reaching out to begin with? Because if we're happy then you can't be happy; 'cause only when we're miserable, can you sleep better at night.
  8. He tells you you're one of the most important people in his life, and yet at the drop of a dime when his friends call to make plans, and you've had plans set in place for 3 weeks he asks you if it's ok if he goes with them instead.  - Oh yes, I can see how important spending time with your lady really is too you.
Now these are just some of the things that women deal with in relationships or when starting new relationships, which just leaves us baffled.  But according to so many, it's the woman's fault and we need to take responsibility for it?  I for one do have my standards, but I also set standards for myself.  I know that a man needs his boy time and even alone time, and I give that to the person that I'm with, because hey I want that too.  I'm a positive person and always give encouraging words and support.  I don't nag, because hey if you don't want to do something or do want to do something, you already have a mother to get on you about crap.  And as I said, the standards I have for men, are they same I would expect them to have with me, which are for them to be educated, know what they want out of life, doesn't have 3 different baby momma's and has a job and isn't laying at home watching re-runs of Maury all day (and yes I do understand if the person was laid off; hello I was just there.)  Please tell me what's so wrong with that?  Must be that I'm hideous thing *insert sarcasm laugh here*

So maybe I took the comment just a little to literally because of the situation I currently find myself in.  But even still, if woman have to lower/higher their standards, then so do men.  And by that, I mean, mean what you say and stop with the double talking. And if you're not sure, than say that, "I'm not sure."  Don't pretend to be something you're not, just to try and make yourself feel better or put another notch on your bed post. This way, no one is confused and we all go on living happily ever after, with or without each other.

Happy Blogging All!

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