Tuesday, May 31, 2011

I Pity The Fool Who Wears A Diamond Jesus

I hope you all enjoyed your long Memorial Day weekends.  Though we all get so excited for a 3 day weekend, I hope y'all took a moment to remember all of those who have fought and those still fighting for our freedom and safety. Because of that I'd like to take this moment to remember my friend Captain Ulises Burgos Cruz. You're always in our hearts and minds. May you Rest In Peace.

OK, so now that I've said my piece on that, lets get into the nitty gritty.  While I was out and about this weekend, I kept seeing something that has bugged me for years.  I had also recently had a conversation with a friend of mine about this very topic and have been wanting to blog about it, but completely forgot.  She had said that maybe it was because she grew up in Manhattan and wasn't used to seeing it, but it really threw her off; she found it really tacky. But I assured her that it had nothing to do with where she was from, because I have lived in the BX my entire life and have been enraged by this stupid fashion accessory for years.  This thing I speak of, is this:

Photo Credit 1 & 2

I can not for the life of me begin to understand what makes men (and some women) think that this is trendy and cool.  I'm sorry, but you're not a rapper (not that that's any better), you're not RUN DMC back in the 80s or any other musician/actor, because last I checked you were living in 3B of a Project Building...Before the backlash comes, I grew up in the PJs, so I'm not saying anything negative about them. Sit down. Relax...  Do you think that women are impressed that you can't feed your 3 children, but you can afford to give Jesus Christ ruby eyes and a diamond crown of thorns?  I'm certainty not. Hell, you can't even remember to put deodorant on before you leave your house, but that chain wakes up with you.  First of all, you're just screaming for a crackhead to run up on you and snatch it from your neck. You live in the Ghetto fool!  And keep telling yourself they won't get you. They're crackheads! They have nothing to fear.  Secondly, besides the fact that you look like a complete lunatic, that chain is clearly weighing down on your neck or you wouldn't be holding it up and swinging it back and forth.  You're not fooling anyone when you rub the back of your neck as if it itches, but really your rubbing the spot where that weight is pulling down on.  I can't believe how many times I saw this little trend over the weekend.  One guy really made me laugh because it was like a black plate with a novel written on it. There was so much writing, it looked like those signs criminals hold up when they take a mug shot. Which come to think of it, it could've very well been. Maybe it was his way of keeping that memory alive.  And then some of these dudes get characters, like a Pokemon design or Mickey Mouse. Great, please keep giving our children more reasons to want to be like your hood rat behinds; they see the Kool-Aid man lit up in rubies and think it's cool. Its not! And it aggravates me so much.  You want to do this when you're 19, fine, be stupid. Spend your money like it's water, I'll let you slide. But seriously, once you're past the age of 25 (and I'm being loose with that age), you need to get your act together.
And ladies don't think you're getting away scott free either. It's not cute to wear multiple gold and silver chains around your neck. At least pick one; gold or silver.  All those chains make me look at you and fantasize about choking the life out of you...What? To violent?... Also do not wear multiple hoops in every size you could find in your jewelry box or the huge ones that look like door knockers. You look fucking STUPID!  I totally agree with John Leguizamo's Asian character in Mambo Mouth when he said that a gust of wind will come and knock your ass over. Which after looking at some of you chicks, I think that's exactly what needs to happen, so you'll stop with these fashion faus pas'.  Rings are also on my list.  I get you want to look nice, but having a ring on every finger, is just ridiculous.  Are you a gypsy?  Listen Esmeralda, unless you're going to whip out fortune cards & tell me my fortune, limit it down to two.  AND belly rings. Yes, I have one. Sure, they're cute. Whats not cute? Having one of those huge ones that dangle, so when you get up, it gets caught in your belt and the whole party hears you yelp like a dog who's been stepped on.  I do find amusement in your pain, since you're obviously an idiot. But I don't find amusement in your blood splattering everywhere because you've ripped your belly button... AND while we're on the subject of "faus pas" ladies, I'd like to add in something, not jewelry related. STOP with the coochie cutter shorts. I should not be able to tell that you're 2 centimeters dilated and you're having a girl.  I should also not have to see how red the inside of your thighs are because they're obviously rubbing together in the heat. You know it hurts and its uncomfortable. And it makes me hurt and uncomfortable looking at it.  Also, if you're going to wear black spandex, that are clearly more stockings than tights, do me the favor, DO NOT WEAR WHITE UNDERWEAR! Cochinas!.... I figured I'd get that topic out of the way while we're here as well... But I'm sure I'll write about it again in the future. :)

So listen to me you fake ass Mr. T's of the world. Only one person rocked this look and he rocked it better than you; that being the real Mr. T.  Ladies know that a man will probably want to hold the back of your neck or head when he kisses you, to be romantic, and doesn't want to get caught up in your circus rings.  By the time he's gotten out of your jewelry maze, the magic probably won't be there.  And fellas, know that no respectable girl wants to be seen walking down the block with you and this monstrosity hanging off your neck.  And I'm even more sure that she doesn't want to sleep with someone who's going to slap her in the face, with Jesus' face or the cross he died on.  I don't really think the death of Christ makes anyone want to get frisky.  Nor does the image of a ThunderCat with a shield and sword.  So in the simplest of terms: Stop with the ridiculous ghetto jewelry trends. ITS STUPID!

Happy Blogging All!  


  1. But it's what RAPPERS promote and the Ghetto is all about wanna bes. :)

  2. I'm right there with ya, you're channeling all my inner thoughts!

  3. Lmao....i fell out my chair when u said you should not be able to tell that they are 2cm dilated and having a girl....lol

  4. lmao at esmeralda... i wish i could fwd this to some idiots at my work lol... then i think about it and my son wears a gold guadalupe chain from his bautizo lol maybe i should take that off..lmao

  5. Any thoughts on people who wear name rings, chains and earrings? I'm not talking about dainty little things I'm referring to the I know your name from across the damn street. Or how about people who tattoo other people's names on their bodies (excluding children's or a person who has passed tribute)? This is baby daddy/momma, ex boyfriend/girlfriend status. People who have long broken up and will never, ever get back together status lol. Even worse I find are people who tattoo their own name on their body. Like seriously are you going to forget your name? Do you need a daily reminder? Where's that blog? Love to read your thoughts lol.