Thursday, June 16, 2011

Friends With Benefits...What Benefits?

Photo Credit: FWB

Before I begin on this topic, I have to apologize for not writing as frequently as I did when I was unemployed.  I have all these topics, but just no energy or time to flesh them all out.  I'm turning into a grandma, and when I get home from work all I want to do is sleep!  I promise to try and be more attentive to all 4 of my fans that read and enjoy the nonsense things that come out of my mouth fingers. :)
Recently there have been some movies coming out with the idea of "Friends With Benefits" being the premise.  Now if you don't know what that is, let me break it down for you.  Two people, presumably pretty good friends or at least two consenting adults that know each other for more than 5 minutes a sandwich shop, decide that since they're both single and good looking, that it only makes perfect sense to hookup with each other; at least until they find someone else to eventually hook up with.  The idea is that you can come and go as you please in this scenario and no one gets hurt and you definetly DON'T get feelings for each other, because you know what you're getting into.  You with me now? OK, now where was I? Oh yea, so this taboo is popping up in movies, but has been popping up in real life situations everywhere for years!  I've not only known people to have done this, but I too (cover your eyes mother) have involved myself in this type of situation.  It was a looooong time ago when I was young and obviously more stupid than I am today.  So just to touch upon my own experience, it did not end well.  And that's the end of that story. Hahaha. 
Now the reason I bring this up is because in these movies, its always the same thing.  Boy/Girl suggest the idea to their friend and they both agree that it's a fabulous idea.  Then something happens. Something no one saw coming, because see, it's not part of the rules. One of them begins to "fall in love" with their sex buddy.  And in real life, that's usually what happens. HOWEVER, unlike real life, reel life has the MALE falling for the FEMALE and her pushing him away.  Yes, the boy falls for the girl and she's the one that has an issue with it.  And not only that, but the ending is always a happy one.  They fight, they see the light, all becomes roses and butterflies.  Now I've seen this in at least two movies recently, "No Strings Attached" and "I Hate Valentine's Day".  And another moving coming out with this topic and the inevitable "boy falls for girl" outcome, is the movie appropriately titled, "Friends With Benefits".  So why, with a topic so real, are they always changing the outcome?  Is it because people go to the movies to be hypnotized by fantasies of things that can not and will not ever happen in their own lives?  Its the same issue I have with movies where they show sex scenes and the guy just gets right in there.  First of all, where's the awkward getting up to get the condom and the even more awkward moment of them trying to put it on?  Also, why does no one ever say, "Yea, lets do this, but first, do you have any diseases I should know about?".  What? Am I the only one that asks this? Eh, maybe that's why I'm single. Ha!  So you can say that I'm being bitter, and maybe I am.  However every person that I've spoken to about this topic, men and women alike, have always told me it's the same thing; girl falls for guy, guy loses interest.  Its always the same roller coaster ride, except EVERYONE on this ride gets off, throwing up.  I have only heard of one instance in which the male in the situation fell for the girl. And this was really because though she thought something could happen somewhere over the rainbow, he became fatal attraction within the first "meeting".  But that's a different blog for a different day. 
So what is it that intrigues people so much to actually try and make this silly concept work?  Sure you can say that the benefit to this is great sex (if the person you choose is good, if not you're screwed, and not in a good way), not having to make him/her breakfast the next day because they're not staying over ('cause that is often against the rules as well), not having to remember to buy gifts for them on birthdays or holidays, not having to hang out with their crazy aunt Olga who feels the need to pinch everyone's ass and flick her tongue at them, not... Wait, I was against this right?...  But in all seriousness, is it really worth it.  I mean eventually aren't we getting to old for just a quick "bump & tickle".  Am I alone in thinking someone would want to be with me and me alone?  Is being in a relationship that scary that the concept of monogamy just flies out the window?  Okay, don't answer that quickly, sheesh.  But again, speaking from experience I've been there, done that. And it DOESN'T WORK!  In my opinion, we're only human and eventually someone is going to fall; most likely the female because we're built to use our hearts to think and not our vagina's.  AND jealously also becomes a factor in all this. You start to think "Well we're not really together, so I can get with this other dude/chick too." And then, men and women alike, get uptight and pissed off.  For women its, "What? I'm not enough?" because how dare he consider leaving this situation for someone else's.  And for men it becomes, "But that's mine." because how dare someone try to play with your toy, before you're done using it. And lastly, if this is a good friend, how do you go back to being friends later?  How do you introduce you're new partner to your old sex chum?  Trust me, it's gonna get weeeeiiiirrrrrd.
So ladies and gentleman, are you with me or against me on this?  Please feel free to leave comments here and/or email me anytime, day or night at
Happy Blogging All!


  1. Wow. Interesting topic. One I know only too well. I've had several friends with benefits in this lifetime and the sex was probably the only benefit. The friendship went out the window with the sex. In most situations, the guy or girl becomes interested in someone else because they can. It's all good. It's what was agreed upon. Right? Well, when they meet someone else and decide to date that person......your relationship will change and when he/she is ready for that but you're not........there goes the friendship. Conflict. It's a gamble. Reel life is always better than real life. Is the risk of having a temporary bed friend rather than a lifelong best friend worth it? Only you can answer that. Hmmmm. And you can't base your decision on sex because if you can then you've already changed your relationship. :)

    I for one feel that sleeping with a friend who shares your interests and your passions and just so happens to understand where you are coming from may sometimes be worth the risk of getting your heart broken. Let's face it......when you choose to have sex, with anyone, there are feelings there. Doesn't matter whether you're drunk or sober. Desire is a feeling. Once you cross that line........all bets are off. That's all I'm saying. It's ALL good.

    In my humble opinion, it might be the best sex you ever have. :)

  2. I must say that I love hearing stories where two ppl decide to JUST be friends with benefits and fall in love! LoL..

    I feel like it can absolutely happen. And there is a comfortableness that comes with being intimate with your friend as oppose to someone who is can and will lie to you and make you trust them to get with you.

  3. You know I've been with my hubby for a LONG time but I don't think anyone should mess around with a friendship if they value the bond they have with this person. I've heard too many horror stories about the relationship not working out and then what's left? Nothing. Things can't go back to the way they were. But that's my "married" take on this issue. ;)

  4. Oh no, there is definitely one more scenario that you didn't cover. As a female who like you, was once not as wise as I am now, I've had more than one FWB situation rapidly turn into "guy falls in lust with girl and proceeds to stalk her." Not. Cool. I no longer participate in such arrangements. I'd rather keep their friendship. I guess in most cases I'd say that these were guys who were already interested from the start, but they did not meet my relationship criteria. I made it clear that there would be no strings. But they didn't honor that sacred creed. If they aren't relationship material before the hookup, good sex certainly won't fix that flaw. It just postpones the inevitable break up. IMHO...