Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Curiosity Killed The...Relationship

There comes a time in a relationship where things get a little weird.  He or she isn't returning your calls as quickly as they used to.  They seem to be more distant and/or busy. Or they're staying at work really late. Or suddenly start mentioning new "friends" that you've never heard of.  And that is when your mind starts to wander and you get blurred by all of the issues that, clearly you've developed in your head, seem to be arising in the relationship.  So what do you do? You decide to become inspector gadget and start investigating into what the hell is going on.  Or you're just a nosy person, and decide to snoop.  You tell yourself that you trust them and it's just to ease your own worries.  But lets be honest, there is doubt there, and not a lot (if any) trust.  After speaking to a few of my friends, I realized I wasn't the only one guilty of having done this.  I also wasn't the only one that said, "But I had great reason to".  But you have to wonder, if you feel the need to become an investigator in your relationship, maybe the issue is bigger than what's lying on the surface.  

For example, you find an email saved in your significant others drafts and notice that it was written to their ex right around the time you started dating.  Thought it was never sent, you decide to read it and there are quite a few things in there that you're not comfortable with.  Rather than ask them directly what's going on, you wait and start going through their phones, computer documents, car, receipts from KFC to make sure there's only 1 meal accounted for on it, etc.  You drive yourself insane for weeks, instead of confronting the issue head on.  When you finally do confront the situation, whether you have proof or not, you start to mention things that have absolutely nothing to do with what's going on. You start yelling at them for getting haircuts every 3 weeks.  Or taking two showers a day, and ignore the fact that it's 100 degrees outside and your partner has a perfectly good reason to do so.

Another example, is that your significant other is constantly on their phone.  Either talking, texting, emailing or just playing games because they've grown a disgusting addiction to "play words with friends".  So now you get jealous because they're always on their phone. It seems like this phone is their partner, and not you.  One day out of the blue you decide to go through it, and guess what, your boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance/wife/husband is right behind you and catches you.  You of course come up with some lie, such as, "it was ringing so I was going to turn it off" or "I was going to bring it to you."  Contrary to what we would love to believe sometimes, our partners are not as dumb as we make them out to be.  So now you've open up a can of worms because their upset you've gone through their phone.  And you're upset because, what's the big deal if you've gone through their phone; what are they hiding?  Then WW3 has stared and no one, not even the roaches, is safe from the drama that is about to ensue.

Now I could go on and on with different scenarios after the other.  The big question in all of this, is do you snoop?  If you do, what do you gain?  Peace of mind?  But if that's all you're after, why not ask the person you're in the relationship with, what the issue is, if there is an issue, and resolve it that way.  Yes, that person may lie to you and tell you everything is peaches and rose petals.  But if your gut instinct tells you something is wrong, then believe it.  Because 9 times out of 10, your gut instinct is correct.  And besides, if you don't trust or believe this person, why would you continue to have them in your life.  No its not easy to give up on a relationship, especially if you've put a lot of time and effort into it.  But does all the time and effort mean sacrificing your own happiness; your own sanity.  I mean eventually, whether there is something to find or not, you will drive yourself nuts.

So if theirs an issue, confront it and move on.  If you feel that something is amiss, then you need to talk it out or it's going to eat away at you and your relationship.  Doing these side investigations, may help you feel better, but in the end, what is it really doing to you?  It says more about you (and not in a good way), than it says about the person you're with.  And even if you're right about whatever it is you find, what good does it do you; you're still left with questions and feeling hurt.  Am I right or wrong? Please comment on this, especially the men out there (if any of the men read this), because we know that dudes get checked up on a lot more than us ladies do. :)

Happy Blogging All!


  1. I don't snoop because I trust him.....But HE snoops in MY stuff. And that seriously bugs.

  2. Yea, I had an ex who did that. He went through my texts, and I saw him. He said he didn't and that he doesn't do that kind of stuff. So one day I deleted them, and he comes over to me and says "Why'd you delete your text messages." Really idiot? I said, "How would you know that if you don't go through my phone?" SILENCE. People are just funny that way.

  3. I have snooped and have been snooped on (even after the relationship ended). I can't honestly say I would never do it again cuz if I have a gut feeling I am most ceratinly going to go with it BUT the person has to give me a really good reason too. I'd like to think I am level headed and give everyone the benefit of the doubt pero tampoco soy pendeja!