Monday, June 27, 2011

Monday Grievances: The Murphy Chronicles

Murphy's Laws:

"If anything can go wrong, it will"

"If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong."

"If everything seems to be going well, you've obviously overlooked something."

I tend to complain a lot (as you all know).  But I swear it's not on purpose; believe me.  If you know me, you know that I tend to not have the best luck in the world.  In fact, when it sounds like I'm complaining, I'm really just telling a story.  My last boyfriend used to listen to many of these stories and one day just blurted out, "I'm just gonna call you Murphy from now on." He got it right on the nose, because anything that can happen to me, will.  Let's explore my life this past month and you'll see why I say this (I warn you, this will be lengthy)...

So as you all know I started a new job. Well of course one of the best things about having a job, is having benefits. It was the reason I started my job on a Friday rather than a Monday; so that I could be eligible for them sooner rather than later.  So when I got the information, I did all my benefits stuff online, clicked confirm and then waited for my benefits package to arrive.  Well about 3 weeks ago I started to have some pain in my ankles and in my right knee. Now I had gone out the weekend of Memorial day and I thought it was because of the heels I'd worn. I rarely wear heels and these were THE heels of all heels for me; they were really high.  I tried to ignore the pain, even though it really bothered me.  The following weekend I had the worst migraine headache.  I've gotten migraines for years, so I'm sort of used to them.  However this one was on and off all weekend, and I had to call out of work that Monday because the pain and the sensitivity to light was just too much.  While laying in bed dying from the pain, I suddenly thought, "Hey, I haven't gotten any of my insurance information. Where the hell are my cards?"  So I went into work that Tuesday and contacted my HR person.  We went back and forth and she basically told me my days to claim benefits had passed and I would have to wait until November. I almost lost it, but kept my composure. I kept telling her that I did indeed apply and entered all of my information, but never received this so called "confirmation number" she kept going on about.  After continuing on and on, and her "digging" for information, she found that I would have to contact the benefits center and appeal the whole process and then wait to see if they would "approve" or "deny" me.

Now while I've been waiting the past two weeks to hear if I'm approved, the pain in my ankles and knees has not only increased, but I am now experiencing pain in my hands, arms and shoulders.  So what do I do in the meantime? I go on to WEB MD to self diagnosis myself.  Because of course I'm a doctor and I'll be able to figure it out. Makes perfect sense...NOT!  So now, according to this fabulous site that has scared the shit out of me, I either have Lupus or Rheumatoid Arthritis.  And no, as much as I joke around, I am not kidding.  For example, I have heater under my desk at work. We're not really suppose to have them, so every night I have to bend down and hide it behind my filing cabinet.  One day I went to bend down...I could not get up. It took me about two minutes until the guy that sits next to me asked me if I wanted help. I politely declined and forced my ass to get up alone. When I finally did manage to life my fat ass up, I looked at my right hand and noticed that it was swollen as if I had slammed it in a car door.  Even the guy next to me noticed and was surprised, asking me what the hell I had done to myself while I was on the floor.  By the time I had gotten home, my entire arm was swelling.  The next day my mom told me to buy myself "Move Free". What says sexy more than a 28 year old Puerto Rican hottie buying over the counter Arthritis drugs. Remember men, I'm still available!

Now as this pain continues to come and go, I wake up last Monday morning with my tooth hurting.... A little history: my wisdom teeth on the bottom are horizontal. Therefore according to the dentist, they'll never grow out. They may bother me from time to time, but there really isn't a reason to pull them.... As the day went on, I noticed as I was trying to chew, that the gum behind the tooth started to get swollen. WTF is with me and swelling?!  The next day it was worse. I could barely talk and started to sound a lot like Susie from Basketball Wives.  At this point I decided it was time to call benefits again to see what was happening with my "appeal".  I was basically told that my appeal was received and being "processed" and that I basically have to wait for the boards decision.  Just wonderful!  I then came home that Tuesday evening to a Jury Summons.  ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!...  Wait let me explain why I'm upset first.  Its not because like most people I hate being bothered by Jury Duty.  No.  It's because back in October of 2009 I served on a criminal case for 9 days.  They were the worse nine days ever.  The images that I saw will never leave my mind.  The only good thing about actually serving on a trial in NYC, is that for 6 years you don't have to serve....  Now I had received a summons previously in January of this year as well.  I called the court house and explained to them that I had already served almost two years ago.  Now I had received the summons to late to mail anything in,  so the woman I spoke to told me to postpone it and the mail in the "certificate of service" afterwards; which is exactly what I did.  So now I come home to this BS. PLUS the day I'm suppose to report, I'll be on a plane coming home from San Antonio.  So once again, I mailed out the summons, along with a copy of my "certificate of service" and a letter stating that this is what I was told to do, AGAIN!

The only positive thing, was that I was able to get my hands on some antibiotics; but it wasn't enough.  By the time Thursday came around the pain and swelling was still there, and had become unbearable.  I had spoken to a few friends who told me I should go to a dental clinic, where basically it's students who will see you, but is great for people who don't really have a lot of money and no insurance.  So I finally went and spent 2 hours at this clinic.  The "dentist" who looked so confused, was trying her best to assess my situation.  She saw that my tooth was swollen and decided to take ex-rays.  After jabbing this metal piece of I don't know what into my mouth and cutting me!...  No, I didn't hit her.  Mainly because she was PREGNANT!...  She finally took me to a room where they have an ex-ray machine that scans your entire head.  If you've ever seen one of these, you know that it basically locks your head into position while this machine goes around you.  And if you didn't know this about me, I'm COMPLETELY claustrophobic.  After the technician locked me in place, she kept talking about something, until I finally yelled out, "Can you hurry up and take the picture."  It was very loud and actually inaudible since I was biting down on some mouth piece they had on the machine.  After the "dentist" consulted with the real Dentist, they decided that this tooth just had to come out.  I told them that this had happened previously and explained what my last dentist had said.  Regardless they felt this tooth had to come out.  Listen lady, I just want more antibiotics to take away the swelling and the pain!  But this is a teaching school so they're hungry to make patients into guinea pigs so that the students can learn.  I'm all for education, but not when it involves me or any of my body parts.  The referred me to oral surgery and told me to come back for a consultation later that day.  The "dentist" told me that after the consultation I could probably get the meds.  So I said fine and came back.....  Please take a moment to go and use the bathroom or grab a drink of water. I told you this would be lengthy, but I'm almost done...

I came back later that evening and waited for my consultation along with some interesting people.  Between the ghetto people screaming, the old people complaining and one man who I'm sure was special needs (and I'm not saying that in an insulting way at all. I just felt bad for him because I really don't think she should've been there by himself), I thought I'd lose my mind.  Finally my name is called. As I was about to get up, this little girl comes running over to me. I swear she looked about 15, if that.  She proceeded to tell me, "I'm sorry but all of the chairs are taken, so we won't be able to do the extraction today." I said, "Excuse me? What are you talking about? I'm here for a consultation." She says, "Oh yes, we do a consultation and then we do the extraction." I was in shock?! Since when is that the case with ANY consultation?!  She then said she'd be right back and ran off.  I sat down flabbergasted. What the hell makes them think that I'm just going to let them rip my tooth out?! No one told me this?  As all this is going through my head, I hear another "dentist" talking to one of the patients (in front of about 20 other patients) saying she had just finished a final that was really hard.  The patient asked her how she thought she did and she said, "I don't know man, it was really really hard. There were some things on there I didn't even understand." ARE YOU SHITTING?! And I'm suppose to let one of these kids hack into my mouth.  Yea, I don't think so.  When my "dentist' came back, she pulled me into a room to "examine the situation".  Clearly I was in pain and still swollen, when she stuck her finger in my mouth, touched my gum and said, "It doesn't look bad." I had finally reached my boiling point. I told her "Ma'am, I can't chew, I can barely speak and I can't close my mouth. I need you to give me a prescription to make this swelling and the pain go away. I am not going to take out my tooth!"  She finally looked at me as a person and not a lab rat and went to speak to the Dentist in charge.  The only way I was able to get my prescription, was to schedule an appointment for an extraction.  I got my prescription and made the stupid appointment.  I also, canceled the appointment.

When I woke up the next day, I could hear the birds chirping and the rain hitting my window.  My eyes popped open and the first thing I did was bit down. I was finally able to close my mouth!  Woohoo!  I thought it was the best thing to happen to me in weeks.  I could tell the swelling was still there, but I could finally say "Yes" and not "Yethhh".  I then proceeded to get up, using my right arm to lift me, when I immediately felt a sharp pain shoot from my wrist to my shoulder, and fell right back down on the bed.  I tried lifting my legs and swinging them over the bed, when I realized I could barely bend my knees.  At this point, I just bursted into laughter.  I mean I literally sat on my bed, just laughing by myself.  Oh that arthritis pain was not only back with a vengeance, but it had gotten into my shoulders.  Finally I could chew food again, but I could barely get up and walk or do my hair.  If its not one thing, it's another.  So that my friends has been my past month.  The only thing that shines a bit of light at the end of this horrible months tunnel is that I'll be visiting my friend Lisa in SA this Friday!  I haven't seen her in forever and miss her terrible.  I think I deserve this vacation.  Don't you?  I finally get to relax and enjoy life a little.  OH and guess who else is joining me on this vacation?!  Aunt Flo!!!  I guess she knows very well that I just hate to travel alone.  Yup, like I said, if it's not one thing...  Hopefully my friend "arthritis" will leave me alone long enough to enjoy some of my time there.  Wish me luck my friends!

Happy Blogging All!

1 comment:

  1. Ouch... poor you. I hope you finally got your insurance approved... then nothing will ever hurt... it's like your body knows! lol... good luck!