Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Toe-To-Toe Tuesday: "Cheaters Never Prosper"

Photo Credit: jasonlove.com 

In relationships we all do things that we may not be too proud of.  We'll tell a little lie here so we can go out with the our friends.  We'll tell a little lie there so we can just have a day to ourselves and relax.  But the one thing that some people do in relationships, that I just find pointless is, "cheat".  I will not pretend to be an angel, as I have cheated on a boyfriend in the past.  I am not proud of it in any way, shape, or form.  But when I made that mistake, I walked away from that relationship, not only for him, but for myself.  It took me a while to do so, because I was scared, but I knew in the end it was absolutely the right thing to do.  But unfortunately, there are many out there who make this same mistake over and over, whether it be towards one person or in various relationships.  And the question remains, why?  You would think anyone with a conscience would feel guilt every time their partner looked at them with a smile and love in their eyes.  I may be tugging on the dramatic heart strings here, but isn't it the truth?  I know the guilt ate me alive.
When I played the cheating game, it was because (not that this an excuse) I was constantly being accused of it already.  My phone was being monitored.  If I said I didn't want to go out and just wanted to stay home, he'd stay with me and follow me around to see if I was trying to sneak out; and this was in my mother's house, we didn't even live together.  But once I realized that this "drove" me to cheat, I felt awful and realized that amongst the thousands of other reasons I had not to be with him, this was just the icing on the cake.  And with that, I broke up with him.  But why do others cheat?  The most common reason I've heard, is that they're not getting what they need from their current relationship. News Flash: Then don't stay in that relationship!  There are exits on the left of you, the right of you, in front of you and behind you.  Take a step and keep it moving.  I poo poo on that reasoning, because it makes absolutely no sense.  If the oven is hot and you put your hand on it and burn yourself.  Do you keep your hand there?  No!  And if you do, seek help you freak.   But besides that "reasoning" or "excuse", they're are many other reasons people feel justified in their cheating.

Reasons To Cheat

1. Not happy in current relationship; they just don't get you anymore.
2. Bad sex in current relationship; you're looking for something feisty.
3. Wonder if you can get away with it; it's the thrill that excites you.
4. Stressed out and you need to break free.
5. Partner is already accusing you, so go ahead and do it.
6. Someone has been giving you the eye and you give into temptation.
7. You got drunk and lost yourself in the moment.
8. Your partner did something you didn't like and this is your pay back or...
9. Your partner cheated on your first, and now it's your turn.
10. Because in a nut shell, you can.  Who's gonna stop you if you're careful about it.

The list goes on and on my friend, and doesn't stop.  It's like finding an excuse not to stay on that diet.  But just like when you squeeze into those jeans and realize it's not gonna work, neither does cheating; and none of these are legitimate reasons.  Yes, ya'll I said it.  Hate me if you want too, but it's the truth.   You're a coward if you stay in a relationship and cheat, because all of these reasons have one simple solution: GET OUT!  If you're not happy, you're unsatisfied or are just playing chicken with the STD's out there, then you should not be in a relationship.  Trust me, there are PLENTY of people out there that just want to mess around with no strings attached.  So then why not go find them?   Don't say that you're so in love you don't know how to leave.  Last I checked, cheating isn't the #1 way to show that special someone how much you care about and love them.  What also bugs me about cheating is when you do confess to what you've done, and the person takes you back, but then throws it in your face constantly.  Jersey Shore ring a bell to anyone here?  You'll think everything is great, then one day you're going to throw out the garbage and accidentally use the wrong colored bag.  Suddenly only a cheater would do something so stupid.  It's insane.  People, if you're going to take back the "cheater", then wipe the slate clean or its not worth it. 

Now if you're confused or unsure as to what constitutes as cheating, ask your partner.  I myself have had several conversations with friends about this topic and these are just a few of the answers we came up with (in no particular order):

You're cheating if:

1. You're Having Intercourse, Kissing, Sleeping, Cuddling, anything physical with anyone other than your partner.  I think these are pretty self explanatory and if it's not, this blog will not help you figure it out.
2. You Flirt with the opposite sex (or same sex; depends on what you're into).  Now I always say you can look at the menu as long as you don't order (A La John Leguizamo in Spic-O-Rama).  However when you're in a relationship, you need to think about how that is going to affect your partner.  Is it really fair to consider the lobster when you know your partner just so happens to be allergic to shell fish.
3. You find yourself Sexting or Flirting via text and/or IM with someone other than your partner.  The only person you should be texting sexy things too, should be your partner.  Are things that bad in the bedroom that you resort to sexting??? how sexy is texting/im'ing dirty things to someone?  I've done it and usually I'm on my end thinking, "This is creepy and I want to stop."
4. You're still in love or harboring feelings for someone else. Yes, believe it or not, this is cheating;  It's cheating with the heart.  If you're out together holding hands and walking through the park, then turn your head and find that it's not the person you really want to be with, get out.  Chances are eventually you're going to turn to the physical aspect of cheating.
4. You find yourself grinding up on some hottie, not your partner, at a dance club.  This one surprised me too at first.  But seeing as how many people dance like they're auditioning for the Next Lambada Dance Superstar, it makes complete sense.  You shouldn't be making any moves that mimic the "sex act" on the dance floor.  No es bueno!
5. You decide to go out to dinner with an ex and or someone from the opposite sex that you're partner is not comfortable with; and you keep it a secret.  In many people's opinion this is how the cheating begins.  If you feel the need to keep secrets or feel like you can't open up to your boyfriend/girlfriend, then the issues in your relationship are running deeper than you think.  And no chance dinner with this person is going to fix that.

Again, that's just to name a few.  I'm sure we can be here for hours listing what some people call cheating and what others don't.  So my advice would be, don't cheat.   If it looks like cheating, feels like cheating or smells like cheating, it probably is.  And at the end of the day it's not worth it.  Remember the movie, "Why Did I Get Married?" when they talked about the 80/20 rule.  You have 80% of a great thing, but you feel like you need it to be 100%, so you go looking for that missing 20%.  Once you find it, you realize that's all it is, 20%.   And now you've lost the 80% you had and are stuck with just that lousy small 20%.  Trust me, it rings true!  If you really care about the person you're with, then the best thing is to let them in on why you feel like cheating or just break up with them all together.  If you don't care about the person and you're in it for fun, make sure you're both on the same page.  I can't imagine who the a-hole is that purposely likes to break hearts.  Well my ex-boyfriend is one, but that's a different blog for a different day. I kid, I kid.

So what are you views on cheating?  Are you for it or against it?  Please share your comments and/or stories with me in the comments section below.  Come on, I never judge and you can be always be anonymous.  In the meantime, lets hear/read what our good friend Ozymandias has to say about this particularly touchy topic.  What's this males' view on "Cheating"?

Happy Blogging All!

P.S. Note that this is just about boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, not MARRIAGE.  I don't have the energy to go into infidelity during marriage.  But I will say if you go in thinking you're going to cheat, you probably are so DON'T GET MARRIED!


  1. Hey... this is weird u wrote about this today because the one guy i ever cheated on my bf with was my ex.. and had my excuses reasons.. i can blame it on his lack of interest in me and his drug addiction ... but when it comes down to it maybe i wasn't happy with myself either.. idk but like u said its hurtful.. and it is pointless.. dont go into a realationship if u dont have the fucking cahoneez to stay commited :)

  2. I have cheated and been cheated on and in both cases regreated the decisions I made (1. to cheat and 2. to get back with the bastard that cheated on me) Like La Cabrona said I can balme it on a million and one reasons but at the end of the day it wasn't worth it. Lessons learned!