Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Toe-To-Toe Tuesday: Ladies can do it all... Yes, even Poop & Toot too!

Boyfriend:  (Tickling girlfriend and laughing).
Girlfriend:  OK, OK, stop.  Seriously, I'm not feeling well. (Laughing)
Boyfriend:  (Continues to tickle girlfriend, and now pressing harder on her stomach)
Girlfriend:  (Laughing uncontrollably) No, really stop.  I don't... (lets out a sound from the nether back region.)
Boyfriend: (Look of utter disgust) Umm, I have to go.

And why this reaction?  Because boys/men have this idea that,
Or fart, or burp, or do anything that men do, that would fall under the category of "gross".  Well I'm sorry to burst your bubble gentleman, but yes, we do.  And with all the commercials that we see day in and day out for females (which will be apart of a Monday Grievance post), this really shouldn't come as a surprise to all of you.  The way most men react to women and their bodily functions, you would think we're doing a spoof of "Two Girls, One Cup".  We're human, believe it or not, and unfortunately we have to act like it on several occasions.  So why is it that men continue to have this image that women are perfect, and because of that perfection, we aren't allowed to do those "gross" things?  Are they just stupid? Or do we also aid in this ridiculous notion that "girls don't poop/fart."?

Regrettably, there are things that some women go through to try and keep that "perfect image" alive.  I remember dating someone who found the thought of a women even burping repulsive.  There were times where I would stay over his house, and from fear of "disgusting" him, I'd take precautions to make sure I didn't even have gas when I was there.  Let's just say I believe I single-handedly kept Imodium in business for a good 5 months!  Then the following week I'd have the worst stomach pains, because now I couldn't go to the bathroom at all!  There were also times, where like anyone in the world (and if you say not you, you're a liar) I'd pass gas in my sleep.  Do you know that as soon as I would wake up, he would let me know.  He'd act like my ass was playing the trumpet version of the Star Spangled Banner.  The look on his face, as if I did it on purpose and as if he was expecting an apology.  I would just look at him in shock and speechless.  What exactly would he have liked me to do?  Sleep walk into another room and come back?  I can't be held responsibly for noises that come out while I'm sleeping... Don't ask me why I dated this guy for so long. LOL... And I've heard worse stories than that.  I knew a girl that would go out to eat and then thrown up, just so she wouldn't have the urge to use the bathroom when she was with the guy.  I've also heard of women making up stories where they have to leave the dinner or event earlier so they can use the bathroom.  They also pretend to be making a long phone call to their mothers or friends from the bathroom.  Or pretend that shower has to take an extra 10 minutes because, hey, we're just that clean.   But for what?!  Why are we hiding and pretending to be these amazing beings that have no flaws?  It's a nice concept, but come on! These same guys would fart in your face and laugh about it and look for you to laugh to, as if it's some kind of reward for the great work they've done being a guy.  Meanwhile here you are gasping for some clean air before you pass out.   I know, because that same guy I blocked my ass up for, would not only fart around me, but would try to get me to figure out what he might have eaten that made it smell so bad!  Are you insane?  I don't want to know, nor do I care what you ate that is making your insides smell like hot garbage and rat ass on an African Summer day!  All that while a woman can't even notion to a man that she may have to go to the bathroom because instantly he doesn't want to hear it and "you can keep those comments to yourself."  It's a ridiculous double standard!  I remember another guy I had been seeing for a little while, was having stomach issues. Not only did he ask me to go to the store for him to get him some liquid laxative.  But once the chemical kicked into his system, he asked me to bring him cigarettes as he sat on the toilet releasing himself.  

And that's how men are!  It's OK for us to hear about it, see it and even (yuck) smell it, but the moment we let a little air out from somewhere they don't like, they're ready to break up with us.  Its ridiculous.  And no, I'm not saying that women should fart it up like a band or walk around saying "Whew, don't go in there man."  However we shouldn't have to hide it if we need to go.  And when we do, you shouldn't have a brain aneurysm when it happens.  I mean please tell me what you're going to do when you're married to a woman?  Do you expect her to not take a dump in your home, or possibly fart in your presence.  I'm the first to admit that if I need to pass gas, I will go to the bathroom.  But sometimes there isn't enough time to get there.  And when that happens, all hell breaks loose and suddenly the 3 phone calls you got everyday, turn into text messages and then nothing at all.  Because how dare we act *gasp* HUMAN!  You know at least we make an effort to cover it up.  You men could care less to even try and hide it, unless it's the first 2 weeks of a relationship.  After that, it appears that all bets are off.   So ladies screw men.  If he isn't man enough to realize that we need to release ourselves too, then he isn't man enough for you.  So poop, fart, be free to do what you need to do when you need to do it.  There is no need, nor does it make any sense whatsoever, to harm our insides for a man who would gladly stick your head in a dutch oven and then laugh about it with his friends after-wards.

Don't forget to check out Ozymandias post on this very topic, to find out how he and other men feel about us Ladies being "free" with our bodies.

Happy Blogging All!

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1 comment:

  1. WOW!! Well I go by that saying "I rather loose a friend then an intestine" LMAO But for real tho I can see maybe for the first few weeks of dating, a month even...(I too have done the imodium AD pills in the beginning LOL mostly because of my nervous tummy so that helped) but after that its OVER!!! If I have to go or do anything its happening and I'll be proud of it LMAO I'll be the first to be like dammmmm don't go in there!! Shoot especially if that guy is the same way with me then its a wrap! You cant do some crap like that to me and me not do it back no way its WAR! LOL Wow this is horrible that I'm admitting to it but whatever it is what it is. Just like you said we're HUMAN! and When you gotta go you gotta go!