Thursday, December 23, 2010


Dear Santa, Baby Jesus, Elves, Trolls, Big Foot, Cupid, The Easter Bunny, whoever the hell in the Cosmos that's listening:

This year has been quite a rough one. Not only for me, but for my friends & family. Now I have tried to be positive and bright, and in doing so have learned LOTS of things.  The world has taught me lessons (that I didn't even ask to be taught) and since I had to stay here stuck & fustrated learning them, I'd like ask for somethings in return.  So in no particular order here they go...

1. A job. Now I don't mean like a "to pay the bills" job. I mean a real job, where I like going day in and day out. Not some nonsense 9 to 5 where I want to shoot myself in the foot everyday just to bring some type of excitement into my work day. I want to enjoy what I do. Even if it's for a little bit....A job with my accomplice, usual suspect Liz, is preferable.
2. More time with my family (mom & dad sides). But like fun times, I don't want drama. If someone brings drama I give you (again, whomever is listening) permission to take them out at the knees.
3. World peace...Or at least peace of mind for everyone. So sick of BS. What exactly are we at war about again?
4. Equality for all. For example, I say if gay people want to get married and ruin their lives (and credit, 'cause marriage gets in that bitch too) the way our straight friends have, let them. Who cares!
5. More Housewives, Jersey Shore, Kardashians, etc. Not because I simply can't live without these shows, but because it's amazing and brings joy to my heart knowing there are people more fucked up out there than me and my family. Mazel Tov! (just seemed appropriate to throw that word in there whether it means what I think it means or not...)
6. Another Miami vacation or equivalent. But this time with more money and less bullshit. The lengths we had to go through just to get into clubs was ridiculous. And then when we finally did get into one there were 3 people in the whole place. I still want my 20 bucks back!
7.Happiness and Luck for my mother & sister. They deserve it!...And what the heck, throw in a Kidney for my uncle. He's cool too.
8.To meet Tosh.O. I haven't shot any videos, but I want a web redemption. And SOON!... How? I don't know how. That's for you to figure out. Hello! This is a wish list...Sheesh. Moving on....
9.More followers on my Blog & Twitter. I have very few friends in life. Can I pretend to at least be cool in cyber space?
10. My own comic book...I'll also settle for a reality show. I BET I bring in higher ratings than Conan, David and Jay! That's right, I went there. Suck it men of late night!... George though, he's cool. For obvious reasons.
11. A date with Albie Manzo.  Don't worry about Monkey/my "BF" 'cause I'm pretty sure he doesn't even know that we're dating anyway.
12. Stop people from sending me Farmville, Animalville, Friendville, whatever else they have, requests. I don't want to farm. I don't want to take care of an animal (hello don't you know the Spencer story). And we're already friends, so this Friendville thing is pushing it. ENOUGH.
13. Also, stop people from tagging me in the most unflattering pictures they can find. I don't know how me simply smiling transforms on film into me looking like a fat troll missing a tooth, but knock it off!
14. The end of that ridiculous show Two & A Half Men. Seriously?! Why is this show even still on the air killing our brain cells, our funny bones, our lives?! Its not even funny!!!!
15. No more stupid Reggaeton music and/or stupid names for these artist. Wishin' & Yandel, Chino & Nacho, Tito El Bambino; STFU! You're time has come and gone, give it up! This applies to you Antoine Dodson. You're sister almost gets raped, and you make a career out of it? I sense some sibling friction here.
16. Have Puffy, Diddy, Dirty Money, whatever his name is, stick to business and stay as far away as possible from a recording studio! And from reality shows; he gave them a bad name.
17. For people to stop asking me when I'm going to get married or have a child. First of all I need to be in a relationship for more than a day to make that kind of decision. Secondly, read number 11. Thirdly its not as if I don't achieve these things I'm a waste of life. I went to College and still have no clue what I'm doing in life. If anything is taking the "waste of life" award, it's gonna be because of that. Fourthly FU. :)
18. To lose weight and not gain it back the moment I eat a peanut.
19. For my friends to find their way in life and be happy. I'm negative enough for all of us, let them enjoy life even if it's just for a tiny bit.

20. This is a lenghty, but final, wish.. Please remove the larynx (also known as the voice box) of the following people:
-Sarah Palin, George Bush (also remove their fingers so they can never write or type another book again)
-Dina Lohan
-Michael Lohan
-Hulk Hogan
-VH1 Reality people with the exception of the crazy bitches on Basketball Wives.
-The Smitt-Pinkett Family (while you're at it, stop them from having anymore children. If i have to hear another song or watch another remake of a classic movie by any of them, I'm taking matters into my own hands.)
-Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon (another couple that should never ever procreate.)
-Anyone who talks shit behind the backs of others and can't say it to their face. If you can't speak up, don't speak at all!
-Babies on the train while I'm trying to read.
-People on the train who insist on talking so loudly that they can be heard from space. I don't care that you passed your drug test because you drank some special "liquid" that cleared your urine. Furthermore I don't care about your baby mama/daddy drama. Keep that shit to yourself. PUHLEASE!
-Anyone working for the MTA (I'm tired of the excuses of sick passengers & train traffic up ahead. Stop lying, you just don't feel like working at your job!)
-Justin Bieber. Even my 11 year old sister can agree with me on this. Just make it happen!
-Miley Cyrus. I think we can be in agreement that this one speaks for itself.
-Bill O'Rielly
-Anyone who appeared or was associated with the show "The Hills".
-ELIZABETH HASSELBECK!!! Just have her go away all together. I'm not saying die, Chirst people, calm down. I'm not that evil. But if she could move to like Antarctica and never be heard from again that would be awesome. I'm almost tempted to say if you achieve this one, you can ignore my other requests...Well lets see what happens and then we'll talk.

Happy Blogging All.

Disclaimer: These are merely my wishes and desires and really just my attempt at a cheap laugh here and there. I do not really wish harm on anyone listed or not and I love my friends and there wacky ways. So if any one reading this reads too much into it, you should be slapped back into REALITY. :)


  1. You ARE so happy aren't you? LOL Great list by the way! Merry Christmas!

  2. Oh and have you joined my site? If not, do so asap! lol