Toe-to-Toe Tuesdays: "Constant Contact" - When It's NOT Enough.

Welcome to our second edition of "Toe-to-Toe Tuesdays", where you get the female perspective of a topic on my page and the male perspective on fellow blogger, Ozymandias's page.... This week we discuss "Constant Contact: When It's NOT Enough."

Hello boyfriends of the world.  It’s girlfriends of the world talking to you.  How are you?  That’s wonderful to hear.  Are you comfortable?  Good, good.  So, ummm, let us ask you, have we actually spoken or been in touch with each other today?  No, you say.  Strange.  Oh, we get it; you forgot how to use a phone.  Oh, you didn’t.  Your email was down then.  Not that either?  Then we're at a loss.  Can you explain to us why we barely hear from you?

You may think I’m being dramatic, since I do have a flare for it; however I think this is a legitimate issue in relationships.  Now I’m not saying we have to speak around the clock, nor do we need to be up each other’s asses.  However as girlfriends, we don’t think it’s a terrible thing if we talk on the phone and actually SPEAK to each other daily.  Why does it seem that men have grown a phobia of being in contact with their girlfriends?  You sure as hell know how to call us when you want to have sex.  Yet when we want a little conversation, suddenly you become a teenager giving their parents the silent treatment.  What gives?  Did you forget how to use your words and speak out loud?   Trust me, we get it, your day at work today is about as exciting as a root canal, and it’s the same thing day in and day out.  So in your opinion you feel that there isn’t that much to talk about, so why call.  But we would like to at least possibly end our nights by saying goodnight and making sure you’re actually alive.  So what do you do, you text us.  OK, I’m a big texter as well; it saves me from lots of meaningless conversations.  And if it’s some simple question or comment I want to share, sure I’ll text/email you.  BUT when this becomes the only form of communication, it becomes EXTREMELY annoying.  Don’t text us all day here and there with gibberish & nonsense, and then when we bring up the fact that we haven’t spoken to you, tell us, “But we talked all day.”  In what world did we actually have a conversation?  Sending us funny videos of some dude getting kicked in the balls or texting us that you’re hungry and not sure what you should have for lunch, is NOT a conversation.

Again, I’m not saying we need to be Siamese twins, nor do we need to be Chatty Cathy girlfriends who go on about hair & nails & weight issues.  Because men seem to think that’s all we want to talk about, and that’s so wrong.  We also like to talk about your feelings.  Regardless, what we WANT is to have a real conversation with you.  I think a phone conversation once a day is sufficient enough.  I mean each time we speak, does it have to be your life story?  No.  I’m not sure we even care about your life story.  Nevertheless we would still like to hear from you, make sure you’re doing well and that we’re actually still dating.  My deepest sympathy to the man who’s girlfriend actually likes and wants to speak to him.  Oh the horror!!  I mean seriously, when we don’t care to speak to you anymore, nor do we crave your attention, that means the issue is bigger than our quest for friendly banter.

Here are, in my opinion, just a few instances when you should probably call and avoid text/email:

1. A family member of ours passes away.  Don’t send you’re sympathy via writing unless you’re in the hospital recuperating from some horrific accident.  If you’re fine, you won’t be for long.
2. We get laid off from our job and leave you a tearful voicemail on how we won’t be able to make the rent or feed ourselves.  Don’t text back, “Bummer” or “That sucks”.  This is only going to result in your own layoff.
3. Our Birthday.  Texting or sending a funny email of Hoops & Yoyo does not qualify you as wishing us a Happy Birthday; especially if you can’t even spell out the entire word: “Happy B-day”.  Are you kidding?  This is only allowed if you want to do something cute but can't call just yet because we’re at work or school or whatever.  But if you intend this to be your only form of well wishes to us on this day, then say goodbye in that text as well.
4. Holidays.  If you expect to get that PS3 you’ve been asking for all year, then we better hear and see you say Merry Christmas and act like you’re happy to be in this relationship.  Don’t text “Merry Xmas” and then come over at 10p expecting your gift all wrapped up and for shit to be cool.  It won’t’ be, and you’ll have just wasted your gas and have nothing to show for it.
5. If we're texting back and forth, and something is misinterpreted and you don't understand if we're joking.  Do not continue to text back and become angry because you don't know what's going on.  If you're that confused, pick up the phone and clear the air before you start making assumptions.  Unfortunately ladies, this goes for us too.  You know what they say, "When you assume, you only make an ass of yourself."
6. We’ve been down but haven’t wanted to talk about it.  Don’t text us when you finally think something might be wrong, asking us if something is indeed wrong.  If you were really all that interested you would call us to find out if and what is bothering us.  Don’t want to put in the effort?  Then don’t pretend to care…On second thought, you probably should avoid the whole relationship thing all together.
7. We’re out late and call you to ask you to be on standby so we can call you while we walk home.  Don’t text back while we're in the tunnel of the train or in some place we can't get service, telling us that you’re now going to be in the middle of some Gears Of War marathon with your brother and cousins and you’re going to “Disgrace them” and won't be able to really pay attention to the phone.  Hi, I’m about to get raped and/or mugged.  Could you act as if you care?
8. Off “contact” topic, but to the above, don’t you dare say, “What am I suppose to do if something does happen?”  It doesn’t matter if you’re there or not, we just want to feel safer and for some idiotic reason your voice helps. Take it as a compliment and just talk to us.  You can still play your game, watch TV, eat or play with yourself while you talk to us; we don't care.  Just be a good boyfriend and talk to us!
9. We’re in the hospital having your child.  Do not call.  Do not text. Do not email.  You should be there even if you are turning the colors of the wall.

So you see, we're not asking for a marathon long conversation.  We're not asking for you to listen to us complain about how our jeans didn't fit this morning.  Mainly because we'll discuss that while we're eating a huge bowl of pasta when we go out this weekend.  What we're askign for is for you to talk to us more than twice a week and not only via text/email.  Think about how much faster all that "talk" would be in a 5 to 10 minute phone conversation.  Besides, our Carpal Tunnel is acting up, so make believe you care about our hands (we know you do) and pick up the phone and call!  Its hilarious to me when men say that they don't understand women, when all we require is food, compliments & attention.  I mean it's really not that difficult gentleman, so stop acting so confused.  If you'd pay more attention to us, the same way we do to you, (because you must admit in many instances we know you better than you know yourselves) both of our lives would be a lot more pleasant.

So how do our boyfriends feel about the topic of "Contact"?  Check out Ozymandias blog, where he discusses this relationship issue from a male's/boyfriend's point of view.

Happy Blogging All!