Monday Grievances

Today I woke up at 6:15a and I figured I'd roll myself out of bed and get on the treadmill.  I keep talking about losing weight, and Lord knows that’s not going to happen if fatty here just allows herself to get lazier and lazier.  So I did it! I walk/ran for 25 minutes on the treadmill. I was so proud of myself until I looked at the calorie count burned.  It seems my impending heart attack was about to be caused by 183 calories and 54 fat calories being burned. When I saw that I was in shock.  I couldn't believe that that was all I'd burned.  Looking at me, with my hair stuck to my fat sweaty, red Santa like cheeks, all while huffing and puffing like an old man at a strip club, you'd think I'd run a 10k marathon.  After passing out on the futon in our basement for 10 minutes, I got back up, went to take a shower and eat breakfast...  So I had forgotten that my mother bought me Egg Beaters and instead used two real eggs, but only the egg whites.   I went to crack open an egg, which somehow exploded from one tap and flew everywhere. I was so enraged considering I had just cleaned the entire kitchen yesterday (Sunday).  On the second egg, the shell was cracked so wrong that the yoke just ended up in the bowl. After scooping up yellow for 2 minutes, I finally got my act together and ate.  BTW Whole Grain English Muffins are delicious. I had one with eggs & cheese with a cup of Orange Juice and was good to go...  So now I was off to my dentist appointment with my grocery bag of food (to save money and calories while at work).  I get on the train and ready to read my Kindle, only to find that for the 40th time since I got it 3 weeks ago it was frozen!  I've decided I don't even want this piece of crap anymore. I'm going back to the old days when people had to turn pages to read books!

It's 8:40a when I get out the station and start walking to my appointment which is about 3 blocks away from my job.  I thought let me take my stuff up, but rather than be late to my appointment, I decide to just take my little grocery bag with me.  I get to the Dentist office check in and wait...and wait...and wait... My appointment was for 9am and I wasn't seen until about 9:35.  By this point two people had tripped over my bag and I was falling asleep…Oh, how did they trip over my bag? Was it out in the way? No, it wasn't.  Apparently people like to walk so close to you that instead of almost stepping on you, they kick or trip over your bag…  I'm finally called in and I'm thinking this will be one two three. WRONG.  While it takes me about 10 minutes to go numb, I have that stupid spit sucker thing in my mouth, which oddly enough doesn't seem to be making any difference as I'm still CHOKING on my saliva. Then she starts going in on my teeth.  Have you ever smelled burning tooth before? Or better yet, have you ever had burning tooth chunks fly down your throat? No? Well I have.  At this point I’m now choking and she says to me, “Oh, this is why we ask you to breathe through your nose.” I wish this blog had an facial expression to show you how my already numb mouth was left wide open.  Don’t get me wrong, she’s a really nice Dentist, but really?  So finally I’m done and out of that place and off to work, but feeling very strange because I can’t feel the right side of my face, my left cheek and my whole lower lip is completely shot.  I come in, put my grocery’s away and all I want is a cup of coffee.  As I sit down to wait while my computer takes 20 minutes to load up, I take a sip of my coffee, only to have it dribble all over my desk and some on my shirt.  Yea, why knowing that I can’t feel my lower lip would I try to drink coffee, is beyond me.  OH! And because the doctor said I could eat and drink immediately if necessary, and apparently English Muffin’s & eggs aren’t enough for lard ass here, I just had to eat a Nutri-Grain bar pronto.  So while dribbling coffee all over the place, I start to munch on my bar only to munch on the side of my mouth.  There is now, what appears to be, a small hole in my left cheek…. I spilled water on myself throughout the entire morning, had lunch, wrote my Tuesday blog and watched Pretty Little Liars on Hulu.  When did I work do you ask? Never, because I have nothing to do.  I turned in all my projects a long time ago and I have long gotten over the desire of trying to create my own projects.  Why we’re open on Martin Luther King day, I still have no idea.   

And now as I'm sitting here writing all of this to you, wondering what else today has in store for me, I chomped down on an almond and some of my new filling, came out!

Happy Blogging All