Monday, January 10, 2011

Monday Grievances

In today's edition of "Confessions..." I'm discussing my grievances with riding the Subway. I could be here for days explaining to you all the reasons why I hate the Subway, the MTA & it's riders, but I'll just focus on the issues I encountered on this lovely Manic Monday.

So today I over slept because I forgot to set my alarm. Whether it was consciously or not, strays us off topic. I didn't rush because I thought, "Well at least I get to miss the AM train traffic rush where the trains start too look like a morning in China." (Click on this link if you're unsure of what I'm referring too...How to catch a train in China.)  So finally I make it to the station and it was beyond full. People every where just standing around. Since it's so cold outside the riders were waiting inside the station. Now I get you want to be warm but standing in front of the turnstile on both sides is beyond annoying (grievance 1). And God forbid I use that naughty word no one uses in New York, "Excuse Me", because you get the dirtiest look ever. And while we're on the topic, what's with the dirty look? Would you rather I curse you out and tell you to, "Get the fuck outta the way idiot so I can get through".  It's called manners and just like my ass, I got it from my Momma. I know, manners what a shocking concept. If you like I can teach you. Moving on, I finally get on to the platform and walk to a spot. Please tell me why if i'm standing in a spot, why you would feel the need, when there is enough space around both of us, to stand RIGHT NEXT TO ME? (grievance 2). I'm claustrophobic and feel that one day this is going to happen and I'm going to have the worse freak out that will be sure to appear on the News or Youtube. It's gonna be bad. So I get on the train, and on the next train stop a girl walks in and says excuse me to me (wow someone with manners. We just spoke about this. BUT lets not get ahead of ourselves). I move over so she can get by, BUT she doesn't really move in. She moves in half way and basically stands where I just moved from. Now if I'm nice enough to move over to let you in (and yes, I say nice enough because you could ask someone kindly to move 100x and they won't even budge) then can you move ALL the way in. How rude of you to now stand in the way and give me attitude when I try to move back into the position I was in previous. And now I'm stuck in a position where I can barely move because their is someone next to me, and meanwhile you have alllll this space (grievance 3). Do you expect me to teeter totter like a got damn weeble wobble? Thankfully I had to transfer to the 5, so this only lasted a stop.

I get on the 5, respectfully let people off and woohoo I get a seat. Now if you ride the the 2/5 line in NYC you know getting a seat is almost impossible in the morning. What you also know about these trains is that the longer seats are set up so three people can sit on one side comfortably and 4 people can sit on the other side comfortably.  So I sit down on the four seat side, and there are already 3 women there. Now between me and the woman to my left, there was a little space. Now when I say little, I mean a bag could possibly fit there, but not a person; not even a child. Mainly the space is there so we can have a nice distance from each other. Now here comes this lady, about 45 in age we'll say, and really starts to motion to go and sit in that space. WTF?! I'm sorry who in the hell told you you were going to fit there (grievance 4). Why do people do this? It's clear you don't fit and yet you still try to smoosh your ass self in there.  Now this has nothing to do with the size of the woman. I told you, a bag could possibly fit there. She starts coming in and motioning for us to move over so she can sit down, and with a smile on her face like everything is just gravy.  Wipe the smile away lady, you're not fitting in this space!  I'm not exaggerating when I say she was about to sit down on both of our laps, before the girl got up so she could sit down.

So now that I'm settled I pull out my Kindle and start reading my new book.  Now the two women on my right side are putting on some disgusting smelling sanitizer. I mean it reeked; it smelled like dirty mop water with clorox.  The woman right next to me makes this loud obnoxious noise and lets on an "EWWW!" Come on now, you're not teenages, which I would expect that from. These women were definetly in there 30's, if not older.  At the same time a group walks in complaining about how some cop tried to stop one of them. And their not talking, they're SCREAMING! about this.  Apparently the cop saw the guy in a red jacket and stopped him. One of the girls just kept yelling "I got his number. Oh yea, I got his number." Well congratulations to you, now STFU, I'm trying to read (grievance 5). I don't care whats going on in your life, and I doubt the other subway riders want to hear it either. So please stop telling us. Well the lady next to me apparently felt the same way, and starts going off loudly about how the Devil was working overtime this morning in her Jamaican accent. At this point I've re-read the same paragraph about 4 times.  The group keeps talking/screaming and now the woman next to me starts to sing gospel music! Yes, I think Jesus is also awesome and faithful. Hey I love the guy, big ups to Jesus! But I don't need to hear this whining from your mouth at 9:30 in the morning. This isn't church, I don't see any priests or choirs or bibles, so please be quiet. How fustrating!!!! She just kept going on and on and the worst is that she couldn't sing! She sounded like a cat trying to run away from a meat grinder that it's tail got stuck in.

I couldn't take it anymore and just shut the Kindle off and threw it in my bag. I reach for my IPod and of course I left it at home. This Monday has sucked!! Not a great way to start off the week, so I'm really hoping that Tuesday looks up. Which it should because my celebrity crush comes back on the air with Tosh.O on Comedy Central at 10pm. Wooohooo. See I always find the silver lining.

1 comment:

  1. OMFGoodness!! I never seen anything like that video. Holy crap! That was real! Thanks for the laugh - again!